


I can see you with my eyes closed

by Beezarre (Dibee)



Category: Holby City
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, Family Shenanigans, Regular canon characters appearances
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2018-11-13 17:10:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 61,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11189619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dibee/pseuds/Beezarre
Summary: Closing their eyes is the only way soulmates can connect, the only way they can be aware of what the other feels, everything short of a clue of who the other is. Finding one another is nearly impossible, and many carry on with their lives, cherishing their bond and what they are able to share, knowing nothing more will ever come of it.After years of sharing a particularly strong bond, Bernie and Serena had developed an ease in what they shared, comfort when the other felt pain, cheer when the other was upset, and small moments that were important to them. They were never expecting their relationship to go past the companionship they had developed all their lives. When Bernie arrives in Holby the delicate balance is put to the test. Can they reconcile the woman sharing their deepest feelings with the one meeting their eye across the ward?





	1. An I for an eye

**Author's Note:**

> I’m blaming 90% of the existence of this story on Regency! Thank you, and thanks to DaisyDoctor13 as well who let me ramble about it excitedly!
> 
> I’d wanted to write a Soulmate AU for a few weeks, but didn’t think I would ever find a way for the link to be interesting to dig into. And then this happened.
> 
> (I’m not abandoning ‘Window on another life’ by the way! (Just procrastinating a little bit.))

 

 

 

_This is where it all started, during a meal, on a swing, with tears of pain and joy._

 

 

“Cam, come sit with me for a minute?” She asked. She had a smile on her face, looked relaxed, maybe even a tiny bit excited. Cam realised he wasn’t in trouble, yet, and sat next to her expectantly.

“I want to talk to you about soulmates.” She started. “I know you’ve probably heard a lot already.” He nodded. “You might start feeling something soon, or later. Or maybe you already have. I wanted to make sure I could talk to you before it happened, if possible.” She was hoping to tell him everything she wished she had been told then. She knew she would miss things by being abroad, she already had, but that was something he could share with her, if he wanted to.

She explained, slowly, calmly, all she could, all she knew, how it worked, for her, for others. How no two people were the same, except maybe for those they were paired with. It wasn’t just closing your eyes and waiting, you had to reach out, at least a little bit.

Sometimes you felt something when you blinked and kept your eyes close to try and grasp it. Sometimes it was the middle of the night, and it wasn’t a nightmare, or at least not yours. It could be a taste, a smell, a feeling… Sometimes there were no words for it, because words didn’t matter.

And then, at first, what you did, what you felt, sent something back. You could learn to filter it, or to try and send something, but there was only ever the feedback you could feel yourself as proof that it had worked. There were no rules, no guidebook, you had to trust yourself and the other, learn to build something together.

She made him close his eyes, focus on what he felt, chuckled when he squirmed in irritation. He had never been one to stay too long in one spot, something Marcus often reproached her to have taught him. She had been considerably more patient as a child though, and the lack of patience was something she blamed on Marcus. They were very good at the blaming game.

To explain how different things could be she described to Cameron how clear and obvious her bond was, whereas it was duller for others, like his father. That you could only ignore it to a certain extent, if you wanted to.

As he opened his eyes again, a little frustrated, she said he would know, and from that he would have to learn, because it worked both ways. That the stronger he felt something of his own, the stronger his soulmate would feel it once he closed his eyes. He seemed to suddenly still. He wanted to know, wanted to learn how to do it right.

She retrieved a notebook from the seat next to her and handed it to him, hanging on to it a little longer as it changed hands. Neither of them said a word, they didn’t need to. There was a tiny, hesitant smile on Cameron’s face.

“You can write as much or as little as you want. Or not at all. But every link is special, and there are things you’ll want to remember, about them, about everything. It can teach you a lot.” She said. He nodded slightly.  
  
“How did you know?” He asked, almost shyly. That was a first.

“My first memory?” He nodded. She smiled in recollection. “It was a very long Easter meal.” Her smile growing as she spoke. “I remember tasting chocolate cake, one better than I had ever tasted.” She explained, saw him frown and carried on. “We had barely started, and I had eggs in my plate. It was a little frustrating.” She finished and he giggled.

“Is it the first memory you shared back?” He asked, confused.

“It doesn’t always work like that, what you share is what you feel intensely enough, and with your eyes close for at least part of it. I think the first memory I ‘sent’ was when I was on a swing, weeks later. I had my eyes closed, and I could feel the wind, and after a while I felt… I felt like there was someone else there, someone else on a swing, except there was only one swing.” She explained. “Whoever they are were near a swing and matched the movement.” She finished with a smile. She saw the impressed look on her son’s face. “But it doesn’t always work like that. And I’m lucky.” She stopped there, not sure whether she should be saying more.

“How do you think it will be for me?” He asked, a little concerned. He had seen his father brush off the subject and wondered whether he would be like him, whether he would envy those with a stronger bond, or be glad he didn’t have one. He wanted it to work for him too.

“You can never tell.” She said. “But you’ll know.” She smiled. Whatever happened, she would be there for him, and she knew she didn’t have to say it out loud.

“What about when you’re away?” He suddenly asked. “When you’re hurt, or sad, what happens then?” He was scared now and she took his hand, surprised when he didn’t resist.

“It’s hard, at first, because you feel your own pain and the one of the other, but little by little you learn how not to share it.” She explained.

She remembered the feelings of loss that weren’t hers, scraped knees and even some really nasty papercuts that whoever her soulmate was seemed to cope with with their eyes closed. She knew she sent some of her own, learnt very early to keep her pain for herself, knew her soulmate did the same thing, was grateful for it, too.

“Have there been things that… surprised you?” He asked, his curiosity showing more and more. Bernie winced. There were quite a few things she most certainly did not want to mention to him, not even by the time he was ready to have that conversation.

“I remember once, it was soon after the swing, I had closed my eyes to yawn, and suddenly I smelled flowers, like a large number of roses. It didn’t last, but it was special.” She paused. “I don’t know if it worked, but I tried to focus on a strawberry I was eating the next day, the first of the year.”

“Maybe one day, you’ll know.” He said, no hope or sadness, just a statement that made her heart constrict a little. He knew, she realised. Knew that that bond would be the best he could hope for, and it broke her heart.

“Most people live their lives away, make their lives where they are.” She explained. She remembered having, she thought then, felt her soulmate get married. They probably knew too. “Some people get lucky, but there are so many people in the world…” She knew she sounded too hopeful and too sad, but he just nodded slightly.

“You asked earlier if there were things that surprised me.” She changed subject, focusing on a moment that had marked her. “Once, I tasted something. I knew it was some kind of wine, but I had no idea what it was, and they clearly really liked it. I tasted it every now and again, but still had no idea.” She explains. “And one day I was offered a glass and I didn’t think about it, I tasted it and…”

“And it was the same?” He asked excitedly. She nodded with a grin. “What was it?” He asked.

“Shiraz.” She said.

“Do you still taste it sometimes?” He asked.

“Well, I rarely drink it, but I do taste it, yes.” She saw him frown and squeezed his hand. He still hadn’t reclaimed it.

“What about your notebooks? I know you always have one, how do you do when you’re away? Aren’t you afraid of losing it?” He asked. She smiled a little sadly.

“I always keep it close, but sometimes, when I go somewhere dangerous, I just take some loose sheets of paper to write on, and I recopy them later.” She explained. Most of her teammates weren’t that careful. Some of them didn’t even have one anymore, the army life having led them to cut the link almost completely.

She took her notebook out of her pocket and opened it at a random page, knowing her chicken scratch would cover any details she wouldn’t want him to read.

“Is the fact that it’s illegible on purpose?” He said, frowning, and she laughed.

“Partly. I don’t want anyone to read it. But sometimes I don’t have much time so-”

“Can you decipher it all though?” He asked. She nodded, although she had to admit that there were words here and there she wasn’t too sure about sometimes.

“What about… what about if you feel something but it’s actually you?” He asked. She had thought about that before, many times.

“It’s difficult to tell sometimes, because it can just be wishful thinking? I smell antiseptic, a lot of things like that, all the time, but that’s because I’m surrounded by them.” She explained. What would the odds be of her soulmate working in a hospital?

“Whatever happens, Cam, you can talk to us, either of us, or you can keep it to yourself.” She stressed and he reclaimed his hand, clutching the notebook. She could tell he understood.

  
Once he’d left, Bernie took a long breath, realised that she was afraid one day she might slip. She knew her ‘they’ was a ‘she’, knew ‘they’ was a placeholder for most people. Did the fact that they were both women affect how strongly they felt their bond, or was it something else? After all this time she still had more questions than answers, and hoped her children wouldn’t be faced with so many doubts.

 

* * *

 

   
There were a lot of places Bernie had mentally prepared herself to give birth in, but the cargo plane bringing her home hadn’t made the list. The people she was sharing it with weren’t too keen on the idea either. They were coming home over a month later than planned which was a terrible idea when pregnant. She had had some contractions before, but nothing really serious.

Her waters broke ten minutes into the flight, and she knew her only hope was hours of contractions, long enough to make it home, give birth there, but Cameron had always been a rebel, from day one. The perks of being in the RAMC was that her teammates knew exactly what to do. Still, there were no guidelines for delivering a child in a cargo plane, and while she was known for her resilience, they knew they would have to improvise, think and act fast. There were too many variables, and they knew she could kick all of their asses when she came back, even if half of them outranked her.  
  
She had closed her eyes out of a need to block out her surroundings, forgetting about her now fumbling teammates and focusing on her body, trying to read and ride the pain. She realised something was wrong when she felt blind panic. It wasn’t hers, she was well past panicking. She opened her eyes and gritted her teeth. That was one thing she had not taken into account. She couldn’t do it with her eyes opened, she realised, too many stimuli, too much frenzy, she had to find a way to shoulder the pain, wrap it around her rather than letting it go. It was a reflex in the field, something she had always done instinctively.

Someone offered to hold her hand and she hissed something about there being no need to add broken fingers to the list of incidents and that was the last she heard of it. By the time the relief washed over her her eyes were open, the pain a tight chain-mail clinging to her every limb.

The sight of Cameron, holding him, made her wonder how she would ever stop looking at him. She took a moment, a single heartbeat, closed her eyes and let everything she felt pour out. That was something she wanted to share, even if they never met, it was a joy that couldn’t be contained, an apology for the pain, too.

 

 

Serena had been in a meeting when she’d felt the pain. It didn’t feel like it was growing, more like it was gaining territory, little by little. It was excruciating, radiating through every cell of her body. It felt like period pain if period pain was stubbing your toe and that specific pain was being hit by a truck. She felt herself panic and instinctively closed her eyes.

The pain washed away and Serena realised someone had asked her something. She had lost track a while back. She apologised and played with her pendant. This could mean one thing. Or it could be something else entirely.

At the next coffee break, hours later, she had been about to take a cup offered to her when something overcame her. And then she knew with absolute certainty. The relief, the exhilarated joy, and something else still she wasn’t sure how to describe. It didn’t last, but when she opened her eyes again tears streamed down her cheeks.

She had never wanted to know more than she did in that moment. Where was she? Not who, that she felt she knew already. Was she aware Serena was a woman? She stepped aside and opened her notebook, starting a new page rather than filling the previous one. She wrote the date in the middle of the page. Just the date, there were no words for the rest, none strong enough.

 

* * *

 

 

Serena was stubborn. Anyone who had known her more than five minutes knew that. She was stubborn, but not stupid. She had felt the first contractions late in the evening, knew Edward would be there an hour later, waited to him. When he called to tell her about an emergency, she didn’t say anything, partly because a stronger contraction had had her double over. She was ten minutes out, could be at the hospital in fifteen if she could find a parking spot in the same post code.

By the time she passed the doors she knew she would have to make do without Edward. As the doors of the lift opened, she knew she had a good chance of still being in the corridor as she delivered her daughter. When the elevator stopped, her nervous laugh echoed around the small space.

As she pushed the help button and was greeted by the surprisingly cheery voice of one of the security guys, she explained the situation through gritted teeth. He sounded alarmed, which she hoped meant likely to do his job fast and efficiently. By the time he came back he sounded downright panicked. It would be hour. Maybe two. He’d get an obstetrician on the line. She snapped at him, she was a doctor, knew they were short on staff, there was not much an obstetrician could tell her that she didn’t already know, it wasn’t the words she needed.

The security guy, clearly at a loss, told her to call if she needed. What she needed was for the lift to get a move on, and she could hardly press that damn button from the floor. She forgot about Edward, not realising that they didn’t have her name, or even knew he worked there.

She went through every snippet of knowledge she had, settled as comfortably as she possibly could given the circumstances, and waited. She had had the good sense of making a ball from her scarf to hang on to. It didn’t help. As the pain built up, it felt almost familiar, and she forced herself to keep her eyes open. She had been in a meeting when it had happened for her, what would it be for the one on the receiving end now? A stronger contraction had her close her eyes and curse between gritted teeth.

 

 

Bernie woke up with a cry. She blanched, stumbled out of her bunk and held onto the cool metal. She heard two of her teammates stir and gestured for them to go back to sleep. She’d be fine. They knew she had a particularly close bond with her soulmate, and had learnt not to ask questions. Bernie looked away and formed a plan.

She walked up to the guys on watch duty and talked them into letting her nick some of their tea. She took her pillow and blanket off her bed, borrowed another, and found a corner as far away from any pair of shoes as possible. Once there, she tried to make herself the warmest, most comfortable cocoon she could manage in that part of the world. Wrapped tightly, sitting comfortably, holding the tea close, she closed her eyes and welcomed the pain, channelling as much comfort as she could.

 

 

Serena almost choked on tears when she felt her pain temporarily recede, replaced by what she could only describe as a warm, continuous hug. She knew she had understood. She was helping. Serena basked in the comfort, at a loss as per what she could do to thank her. She held back some of the pain, using it to navigate her situation.

She gave birth before the repairmen had a chance to deliver her from her metal prison but holding her daughter close meant time didn’t matter anymore. She could stay there another few hours, just looking at her, kissing her forehead, whispering in her ear.

She closed her eyes, letting as much of that feeling pour out of her. She understood now. She couldn’t think of any other way to thank her. She could still smell the tea, the sand, and what she thought was an itchy blanket.

 

 

The tea was stone cold by the time Bernie opened her eyes again. She saw two fatigues-clad legs, and her eyes hiked up to the quizzical face of one of her teammates.

“You nicked my blanket.” He pointed out, clearly not too cross.

She let out a small laugh, unwrapped herself, handed him his blanket and reached for her notebook. She took note of the date, of everything she had felt, filled with a joy she knew she couldn’t share.

From that moment on, they knew, they were united in motherhood. Charlotte’s birth involved a lot less pain but Bernie made sure Serena knew. They noted down the dates, every year, never revealing their significance to either Marcus or Edward. They celebrated in their own way, letting the other taste the birthday cake, the other reciprocating with a toast of some kind.

They had grown together over the years, but their differences hadn’t pushed them apart. Every now and then there would be something, the warmth of a campfire, the taste of shepherd’s pie, little breadcrumbs that said ‘I’m still here. I’m here if you need me.’.

Their bond had strengthened into something neither of them could really explain, something that baffled those around them, although Bernie had been more and more cautious about giving anything away. Serena had always lived life at its fullest, and no one questioned it.

This was as close as they thought they could be. Some people spent years looking for one another, but sometimes they just walked into your life. From then on, it was just a matter of time…


	2. Wine and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie arrived in Holby struggling to adjust to her new life, to find her footing in the well-oiled machine. She finds more than she bargained for when she realises the woman she is undoubtedly drawn to is the soulmate she had never dared dream of meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, thank you for all your amazing comments! It means a lot, and I didn’t expect this fic to touch so many people! Thanks again to DaisyDoctor13 <3
> 
> For those whose eyes may have leaked during the previous chapter, there may be some raw onions still around!
> 
> Regarding the timeline: I messed with it quite a bit, most of it will make sense as you read. I diverge from canon fairly early, but have weaved some puzzle pieces together. If anything is unclear, let me know, and I’ll hopefully be able to fix it!

 

Bernie had needed a moment to herself, tempted for the umpteenth time by her lone cigarette. She had seen the stranger struggling with her car, felt like she could almost smell it. She had walked toward her, amused, curious, and welcoming the distraction. She was one of these people who were easy to talk to, someone she could immediately feel at ease with, and knowing they might get to work together somehow alleviated the burden of a day that wasn’t going so well.

Serena Campbell. She was head of a ward, she didn’t remember which, but she would look out for her. There were still too few women in their field, let alone ready to unite rather than fight.

_“A nice bottle of Shiraz however… goes really nicely with a fag.”_

Their little exchange had reminded Bernie of the many times she had shared Shiraz and cigarettes, the smoke for her, the wine for the woman however far away who seemed to enjoy their shared moments too. It calmed Bernie down more than any cigarettes on its own could. Giving up smoking had meant giving that up, too. They had found other things.

Every time, Bernie had tried to share parts of her life, small things, the smell of the sand, the taste of a particularly strong tea, the roughness of tree bark, the comradeship in the team, the smell of earth just before a storm, the relief of coming home alive, she always found something, something meaningful to her at the time, and tried to convey it as best as she could.

Bernie realised that she hadn’t even questioned it. The mention of Shiraz usually made her heart miss a beat, it had ever since she had figured it out. That short conversation had had her so comfortable that she hadn’t even picked up on it. She wasn’t sure whether it was a good or a bad sign, but she hoped to see Serena again.

_“Do you remember when coffee was just coffee.”_

She had noticed that the available varieties of coffee were getting more and more numerous after every tour, and ordering was getting trickier. Serena seemed to agree, and in just a few words she had felt a connection. She hoped to work with her soon, maybe even in theatre; she had the feeling they would make a good team.

Serena’s smile had made her day a little easier to cope with. Meeting over coffee seemed to start being a pattern and Bernie took a second to try and share the taste of a mix she wasn’t quite sure about but tasted rather good. She had followed Serena’s lead, hoped her soulmate would agree. Why would she even want her to approve?

Serena was the cheer her life needed at the moment, being out there, out of the army, was a change she hadn’t been ready for. So far Serena had been the only person who had met her without trying to change her into someone she wasn’t.

_“Mind if I join in?”_

Serena had joined them, effortlessly fitting in the Keller team as she seemed to be able to do anywhere. Bernie hadn’t been surprised as such when she had ordered Shiraz, but her heart had done a little stop along the way to a stronger pace that seemed to be a constant around her.

They had settled in, Bernie’s glass was halfway to her mouth after a toast when she closed her eyes to stretch a muscle in her back. It had been a bit tense in the last few hours and apparently picking up a glass helped pinpoint where the problem was. She almost smashed the glass down when she tasted it. Shiraz. There was no doubt about it, her eyes fluttered open to see that Serena hadn’t opened hers.

She used her muscle as an excuse for her peculiar behaviour and closed her eyes while trying to reach the annoying spot. She felt someone reach out to cover it with their hand and tensed before realising it had been Serena sitting next to her. She immediately opened her eyes and blocked any exchange, afraid of what might transpire. She was more tensed than before and felt Serena put her hand on her shoulder.

Bernie used her opposite arm to reach for her glass and take a few sips, realising the taste of Shiraz wasn’t even fully gone yet. She wasn’t sure exactly what Serena had done but it did feel better. Serena’s hand lingered, and while Bernie would normally have flinched at the touch, the realisation was slowly dawning on her and, if she was right…

 

  
She had to check, she had to be sure. She knew enough that she should be able to find a way.

She thanked Serena without looking her in the eye, missing the looks the others around the table shot one another. What could she say? What could she ask? What did she know? She knew so much and yet so little. She knew what Serena had gone through, what she loved and hated, but nothing certain. Almost nothing.

She had to find a way to figure out her daughter’s birthday. Easy as pie. She couldn’t use her own children, in case it really was her, because she would know. What would it mean then? She panicked and realised too late that while she was keeping a straight face she was sharing that panic. She noticed Serena frowned and put her hand on her arm, asking if she was okay, a really stupid question given that she was the one making her uneasy.

She knew by now. It had to be her. She could almost feel it. She could taste it, again, as Serena lifted the glass to her lips. She couldn’t tear her eyes away and she felt the taste, overpowering, the second it reached Serena’s tongue. Bernie realised she was staring. And then she knew. She cleared her throat and crossed her fingers under the table, hoping not to make a fool of herself.

“I noticed something earlier.” She said to Sacha, making it as clear as she could that she meant to talk about Keller. “That colour coding on the calendar, it doesn’t really make sense, does it?” Sacha looked surprised.

“There’s a key, actually, which is a great improvement from the absolute mayhem it used to be.” He pointed out. She squinted.

“Yeah, but there are things that don’t fit. There’s a bright green highlighting on the 4th of last month, and an orange one next month.” She pointed out.

“Ah! So you’re the ones who nicked the AAU calendar.” Serena exclaimed. The Keller boys clearly had no clue what she was talking about, Bernie didn’t have to overplay her surprise much.

“Daughter’s birthday.” She pointed out. “And…” She trailed on, no one pressed on that. Bernie wracked her brain and suspected it was a death. She shouldn’t have mentioned that one, should have been more careful.

“If it’s really yours, do you want it back?” Sacha asked hesitantly.

“Well, contrarily to what you might believe, I wasn’t hoping for it to come back on its own, so we settled for something that was smaller, but existent.” She pointed out, making Bernie laugh.

She felt free, and a little light. She couldn’t quite keep the smile off her face and knew she had to downplay it a bit, but it was hard to resist. She had found her. She had never dared hope, but there she was, sitting next to her soulmate. Her very clueless soulmate. What was she going to do about that?

 

  
Bernie slept very little that night. She checked every now and then on who she now realised was Serena. It suddenly felt like an invasion of privacy although it had always felt different before, watching over her from afar.

She could only feel something fuzzy, in the distance. She was asleep. She had learnt to recognise it, knew she rarely had violent nightmares, or at least few had ever woken her up.

Bernie wondered how often her own had woken Serena up. The fear, the dread that had her waking in the middle of the night in cold sweat, the knowledge that there was little she could control in her sleep. For a second she wondered whether them being close would help with that, but she knew it wasn’t that simple.

She thought about every possibility. She was sure Serena didn’t know, that was the only thing she knew with absolute certainty, other than the fact that Serena was her soulmate. Just thinking those words stunned her. She couldn’t believe her luck, and was afraid to make a mess of things as she so often had. Sharing feelings was both a curse and a blessing, but they had known one another so long already. It had been easier, in a way, knowing, thinking, that they would never meet, sharing more than they might otherwise have done.

She was tempted to reach out, not directly, but to send something for her, a smell, a taste, while in the same room, but deep down she knew that Serena would most likely brush it off as it being her own. She knew she would have.

She wanted Serena to feel it, to work it out. But she needed to help it along, she couldn’t just say it. It could take a long time, and she wasn’t sure how long she could take it still, although it had only been a few hours.

 

  
She got lucky, and was sent to AAU the next day. Sacha wasn’t too happy about it, but they were a surgeon down and she could always go back to Keller and the rather easy-going team whenever possible. She had put some of her things in Serena’s office, her coat, her handbag, calculating every move in an attempt to figure out a way to make Serena realise. All she managed was to make a mess and receive a pointed stare from Serena.

She had explained something at her desk, Bernie right behind her, almost touching, suspecting her hair was probably tickling her. Bernie was blinking when she felt something and closed her eyes a little longer. She could smell perfume. Her own. There was no way she could smell it this clearly on herself. She didn’t remember this ever happening before though. She couldn’t reciprocate, it would be too direct. She moved slightly and felt her notebook pressed closer against her thigh inside her pocket. That was one way…

Once they were done, on the way to their patients, Bernie voluntarily made the desk she had appropriated a bit messier and put her notebook on it, in full view, opened on an innocuous page, one no one could read anything in but Serena. She left, and crossed her fingers for a brief instant.

By the time she got out of theatre, two long operations later, she had completely forgotten about it. All she wanted was a drink of water and the chance to sit down longer than five minutes. Serena caught her on her way to the break room and took her notebook out of her pocket.

“You should be more careful with that.” She pointed out. Bernie opened her mouth to say something, knowing she had been blushing, realising Serena might get the wrong idea. “Don’t worry, I didn’t read it.” She added and Bernie realised Serena had gotten the wrong idea alright. That was one plan to cross off the list, which sadly had had only one item on it. She apologised and thanked her profusely before burying it as deep in her pocket as she could.

She had to find something else. Spending more time with her was one solution; even if it didn’t help with that it would still be a nice way to pass the time. She wanted to know more about her, more about who she was rather than what she felt. It didn’t feel right, knowing her so intimately without so much as knowing her maiden name. She realised she didn’t even know her daughter’s name, either.

Fletch entered the room as she was daydreaming snapping her out of it. “Relaxing, are we?” He teased with a large smile on his face. She liked him, he had a way with people.

“I just… closed my eyes, for a moment.” She replied. It was an easy excuse, and not entirely untrue.

“Ah, yeah, stronger for some.” He replied, not seeming too bothered. “Ms Campbell is the same, sometimes she smiles or frowns and we know it has nothing to do with us. Whoever her soulmate is probably has a tough life, we’ve all seen the worry and pain in her eyes. She doesn’t talk about it. Don’t even try to get her started on it, she’ll bite your head off.” He warned her. Bernie nodded, blanching. Had she impacted Serena that much?

“What about you?” She asked, hoping to change the subject.

“Eh, it’s complicated. It always is, but… Sometimes you read too much into things, or not enough, and it makes things…, well, complicated.” He said. She knew what he meant, wondered whether he had found his soulmate. She had heard rumours about him and his flatmate. It was none of her business, not her place to ask.

“Have you ever seen soulmates here, I mean one sick and the other visiting?” She asked. It never happened in the field. Deaths, yes, and it was painful just to watch, because seeing someone deal with their soulmate’s grief was one thing, but side by side was something else entirely.

“Yeah, a few. Even one of ours. Dr Digby? Morven? Her husband, Arthur, we all saw it happening, it was… magical.” He smiled in recollection. “But he died, recently, it’s been hard for everyone, he was family, but we were all there for her, still are.” He explained. Bernie was glad she’d asked, it was the kind of situation that could lead to painful misunderstandings.

“AAU really is a family.” Bernie smiled, reminded of what Serena had told her earlier. Fletch nodded.

“It is, saved many of us in its own way. Fairly sure you’re getting adopted, too.” He smiled a cheeky grin that had her eyebrows lift in surprise. “Trauma’s your speciality, it’s the best place for you to be, and Ms Campbell likes you.” He said almost teasingly. “The two of you practically end one another’s sentences already!”

His name was called and he turned around, waved quickly and dashed out, leaving a baffled Bernie behind. Were they really in sync? How had she not noticed? It had felt… comfortable, natural, every second of it but… And she wanted nothing more than to stay, but knew just how maddening it would be if Serena didn’t find out soon.

 

 

“Hiding, are we?” She was so deep in thought she hadn’t heard Serena come in. She knew how wide eyed she was, also knew it was for the best.

“Nah, just re-accustoming my body to a less vertical position.” She replied, making Serena chuckle.

“Well, I’ve got something for you.” Serena said.

“Is it a more comfortable chair?” She asked, joking. Serena laughed, her eyes closing, Bernie forcing herself to blink as slowly as she could so she wouldn’t add to the already bubbling feeling of joy in her chest.

“It’s a patient, definitely trauma. Well, bit of both, I was hoping we could do this one together.” She said. Bernie’s eyes lit up. She took the file and felt her smirk grow as she read.

“Nice! Did you manage to get us a slot in theatre?” She asked.

“Twenty minutes.” Serena announced with a victorious smile on her face. Bernie was impressed.

“Better get on, then.” She said, getting up from the now torturous chair. She hoped she’d get to stay in AAU, the desk chairs in Serena’s office were considerably comfier. She could have gone there directly, she realised, and sighed, drawing Serena’s attention.

“Something wrong?” she asked.

“Nah, just realised I’m out of bread.” She said. It was the first thing that came to her, and it was true, just not exactly why she’d sighed. Serena looked completely baffled. Bernie beamed at her, tilted her head and sauntered out of the room toward the patient they were meant to operate on.

Behind her, Serena was still rooted to the spot, something tugging at her that she couldn’t quite pinpoint. This, she realised, felt good. She had tried to share a few things with her soulmate and hadn’t really gotten any reply just yet, which didn’t mean much. Why would she even want her blessing, they both knew there was no way they’d ever meet, knowing the other happy was the best they could hope for. There was something about Bernie, though…

 

  
Bernie had been right in suspecting they would make a good team, they were in sync without even needing to be, or even needing a word. They worked together almost seamlessly, and Bernie realised there was more than their bond at work. She always focused intensely on her work whenever she was operating, and could now understand why there were moments when she was met with a similar wall coming from Serena. There could be no distractions. Bernie knew that even once they had cleared things up it would be the only way this could work, their overall complementarity compensating for their shared feelings.

 

  
When she went grocery shopping later that day, she made a point of standing in front of the bakery aisle for a while and focus on the smell. She was rewarded with the smell of shepherd’s pie and realised that things would be considerably more complicated than she had feared. She almost forgot to buy bread.

She thought back through her day. Other than her perfume, had there been things she had felt stronger than could have been hers? She understood the accidental medical smells now, in retrospect, Serena probably had had her share too, and drawn the same conclusions. She remembered a little peak of happiness after her exchange with Serena in the break room, more details through the day, and as she thought them through she realised something.

Serena didn’t know it was her, she sent the woman who was her soulmate bits of information. About her. Bernie’s brain was struggling to catch up, piece things together. She didn’t remember anything like this happening before, and yet she knew with absolute certainty that Serena didn’t know. Why would Serena ‘tell’ her soulmate about her?

 

She was back on AAU the next day, knowing she probably looked like hell. She had barely slept, going through a large range of feelings all night, none of which helped with her situation. When she sunk in the comfortable chair, she sighed and was met with an eyeroll. She hadn’t heard Serena come in this time either but she had sensed her, and that scared her.

“Good to know I’m not the only one who had a dreadful night sleep.” Serena mumbled as greeting. Bernie let out a noncommittal noise that might have passed as one.

“Something troubling you?” She asked, concerned. Maybe some of the feelings she had felt had come from Serena, although they all felt like they were hers at the time; she was generally able to tell.

“Me, no, but there’s clearly someone out there who needs to make up their mind.” Serena groaned but Bernie could see a small smile on her lips. And then it hit her. She had shared it, all of it, all those feelings that had kept her awake well into the night. And now she was faced with the result. How often had it happened? “What’s your excuse?” Serena asked.

“I was the someone.” She replied straight away. She caught herself too late but realised Serena didn’t bite.

“Something is troubling you then?” She asked.

“I’m still adjusting.” She replied. It was true enough, she was just adjusting to more than her new life now.

“Well then, let’s see how well you can adjust to Mr Stewart. He’s in bed 4 and looks like he’s right up your alley.” She handed him a file. Bernie took a look and pouted at her, making her smile.

“Not really my type.” She mumbled, but she was smiling too, putting her hand on Serena’s shoulder on her way out, unable to stop herself, knowing it was the kind of gesture she rarely ever initiated. Anyone from her army life would have been able to tell their connection the second they stepped into the ward. She enjoyed the fact that she could rebuild herself there too.

 

  
She had missed at least one break, possibly two at this stage, and had sneaked a sandwich back in the office, not knowing what Serena’s policy was about food in there. Putting the sandwich to one side, she rested her forehead on her arm for a moment, closing her eyes.

 

  
Serena had asked Fletch where Bernie was, and he had just pointed to her office. From where she was she could see Bernie looking suspiciously like she was having a nap. She was about to say something, loud enough to wake her, at least to some extent. She stood by the door, smiling, and closed her eyes for a second. Her fingers blanched around the door frame and she used it to stay on her feet.

She could feel a mix of emotions, several different levels of fear and pain and despair. She knew it was a nightmare, it had happened before, but it had been rarer and rarer lately, had never happened like this, never this intensely. She had no idea what to do to help, there were few things she could do at work, keeping her eyes open was the only thing she could do, preserve herself for lack of being able to comfort her. She took a deep breath as she opened her eyes again, feeling like a diver going back to the surface on the last of their oxygen.

The first thing she saw once her eyes were open was Bernie. She was closer to her now so she could tell it wasn’t exactly a nap, at least not the resting kind. Her whole body was tense, almost shrunk, she could see one hand rolled into a fist.

Serena felt a shiver run up her spine and threaten to choke her. She dove back, trying to navigate the feelings and see what details from the nightmare she could fish out. There was blood, sand, sweat, antiseptic, and what she could only describe as a deep sense of purpose. She immediately opened her eyes again, afraid she might have dived too deep.

What was she supposed to do? She stood slightly behind Bernie and gently reached for her shoulder while keeping her eyes closed, still keeping some distance. She wanted to see it recede but to make sure nothing she felt would pass through.

The second her fingers grazed Bernie’s shoulder she felt her snap out of it like a spring wounded too tight. She opened her eyes, she didn’t need any more confirmation. She had the chance, now, to do what she couldn’t earlier, comfort, help, but all she did was shoot Bernie a concerned look. Bernie waved it away, a haunted look in her eyes. It explained so much.

“I-I hope you don’t mind.” Bernie asked, pointing to the sandwich. Serena shook her head with a smile.

“Go on, you’re going to need that.” She said. She had been about to ask Bernie whether she wanted some of the theatre slots that had opened and she now knew she would take them all if she could. It was one good way to deal with it, and now she understood the blanks she had been used to. She knew Bernie would have felt some, too, but Bernie’s didn’t follow any kind of pattern, and now she knew why.

But what was she supposed to do now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hint: “Neither of you move very quickly, do you?” (Jason won’t feature, at least not any time soon, but this probably sums up what you’ll find in the upcoming chapters!)


	3. The tale that binds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena confides in Ric, and later to Morven as Cameron starts on AAU, having warned his mother at the last minute. His charm and perspicacity help put things in motion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and commenting, I still can’t believe the response I’ve gotten for this already and it’s… thank you!!  
> Thanks also to DaisyDoctor13, for everything, but mostly for letting me flail at her with absolutely ridiculous ideas (and encouraging me to keep them)!
> 
> This chapter is ‘slightly longer’ than I meant for it to be (aka twice as long). (You might start seeing a pattern here…) But that’s mostly because I decided to merge two chapters (more to read for you!) as I didn’t want to cut it somewhere mean. (Yes, I’m being nice, no trick, I promise!)

_“It isn’t a man… it’s, it’s Bernie”_

Serena had had her doubts about that conversation the second she had initiated it. Ric wasn’t exactly known for his discretion, but he was a friend, someone she knew she could count on, and the only person she felt comfortable enough confiding in for now. She knew his bond was considerably weaker than hers, and he respected the strength of hers, although it didn’t keep him from teasing her every now and again.

She never talked about it, nothing past intensity and blaming odd behaviours on the blink of an eye, so when she had started the conversation he had been a bit surprised and had inched his stool closer. She had started him on his, something he didn’t remember her doing before as there tended to be some form of retaliation. There wasn’t much he could say, and she knew that. She was trying to find the strength she needed through the platitudes they exchanged.

After a while, she knew Ric had understood there was something more than just idle smalltalk. He poked gently, and she was grateful that he didn’t just confront her about it, although she had rarely been this open about her bond with anyone. She had left breadcrumbs here and there, encouraging Raf, supporting Morven, but nothing that could give anyone any clue. She knew the smile on her face was infectious, the relief she was trying to hide from Bernie almost too much to handle.

She finally admitted that she thought she had found them. Even at that stage she preferred to stay neutral, wanting to gauge Ric’s reaction, knowing he would reach the wrong conclusion, almost hoping he would so she could backtrack if things went wrong.

There was surprise in his eyes, and happiness, for her, and she knew she had taken the right decision talking to him. He asked, and all she needed now was to tell him. Taking a look around and leaning forward not to be overheard, she saw Ric’s face go from shock, to surprise, to happiness, back to shock, a smirk and then a frank smile. She rolled her eyes playfully with a blush on her cheeks.

“This… this is not what I expected.” He admitted, but he was still smiling. He hadn’t had the chance to see them work together but within two days the entire hospital had noticed there was something there, the theories going from long lost school sweetheart to secretly married. Ric realised they were, in a way, both, but there was still something bothering him. How and when had she realised? Were they both aware of it? Surely the rumour mill would have already been on the case, and Serena wouldn’t be there having a drink when she could catch up on almost half a century worth of meaningful life events.

Serena mentioned the nightmare without going too much into details. Ric saw pain flash in her eyes and felt his heart constrict, he had seen how affected Serena had been at times, and the fact that Bernie had been in the army so long most definitely had something to do with it. Even if she had been careful, there were things you couldn’t control, and nightmares were one of them.

“Do you think she knows?” He asked, puzzled. Why wouldn’t she have told her? They had one of the strongest connections of anyone he’d ever met! It meant something, to the both of them, it was undeniable! Serena shook her head quickly. No, she couldn’t know, how would she have figured it out? The more Ric looked at Serena the more he realised that she was convinced she was right. He was convinced she was wrong.

“What are you going to do now?” He asked, and saw panic flash on her face. That’s what he’d feared. They had known one another their whole lives, surely they’d be able to figure this out together? What kept them apart knowing the other was so close?

“Wait.” Serena replied, realising she had just taken the decision. “Wait, and feel.” She looked Ric straight in the eye and the resolve he saw in hers made him shiver.

Having worked with Bernie, he knew how strong and tough the trauma surgeon was, and knew Serena was the same. It was no coincidence. Together, they could handle anything. Except, apparently, a good heart-to-heart. He wouldn’t interfere, he respected her too much for that, but he knew it was only a matter of time until one of them gave in, or the rumour mill caught up with them. He wished them well, toasted the good news, and promised himself he would try and work with Bernie again soon, to get to know her better while keeping Serena on her toes.

 

  
As Bernie was about to get in the lobby, an hour earlier than strictly necessary, she heard someone jog to catch up with her. She turned to see the beaming smile of her son, who looked a little bit smug. She stopped, frowned, then smiled.

“You were right.” He said, clearly a bit reluctant. She looked surprised but there was the hint of a smirk in her smile. “Yes, you were right. About medicine, Mum. I’m picking up where I left off… ” He had gone from smug to sheepish, almost hesitant. The shock and delight on his mother’s face were enough to reassure him. They didn’t really do hugs, so them walking forward shoulder to shoulder was a victory.

“There’s one more thing.” He said, stopping dead in his tracks, forcing her to turn around to face him again. “You’ll probably see me around AAU.” He added, watching his mother’s face. He had always found her hard to read but was completely baffled by the look on her face.

“I should be there for a while, I’m really just filling in where I’m needed at the moment.” She was trying to remember what she might have told him that could tip him off but nothing came to mind. She would have to be careful around Serena, even more than she had planned. She frowned. “You’re early, you’re probably not expected here for at least half an hour.”

“Neither are you.” He pointed out. “Which is why I got here early and waited for you. I didn’t want to put you on the spot.” He said with a smile that made her realise just how much she had missed him, how much she had missed, and how much damage her affair and the divorce had done. Having sorted it out before arriving at Holby had helped, meeting Serena in those conditions would have been incredibly more difficult.

Bernie started to walk in the opposite direction and gestured for him to follow her. Pulses was already open and they were both early, not expected anywhere any time soon.

They took a moment to breathe in their coffees before Cameron started asking questions.

“Any tips for working on AAU?” He was hopeful, attentive, and Bernie was at a loss as per what to tell him.

“I’ve been there two days, so let’s say the usual, don’t piss anyone off, remember everything you’ve learnt, and… always question your own decisions.” She added, trying to stay as succinct as she could. She could feel Cameron about to call her out on that last piece of advice, relieved when he didn’t.

“Anything else?” Bernie wasn’t sure what more she could say, knowing something would come back to her the second her son would be out of sight.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t?” She said with a smile. He opened his eyes wide.

“You do realise that’s not really restrictive, right?” He replied, making her laugh.

“Come on, let’s go then or we’ll both be late.”

“Mum, neither of us are supposed to be anywhere before another half hour.”

“It’s all about making a good impression.” She smiled smugly.

“Oooooh, who are you trying to make a good impression on?” He asked, having taken the wrong hints. Or had he. Bernie realised she was doomed the second she felt her cheeks burning. “Now that’s going to be fun!” He grinned.

She opened her mouth to protest when she spotted Serena walking past Pulses. She did her best to ignore her, looking at everything but her, but Serena called out her name and she could hardly pretend not to have heard.

“Bernie, I got the green light from Hanssen to steal you away for the time being.” She said, their eyes meeting, Cameron hiding his smug grin in his coffee cup.

“A few more days on the comfortable chairs, got it!” Bernie replied playfully, they exchanged a smile and Serena walked on. Cameron chuckled the second she was out of sight.

“Mum, how long did you say you’d been on AAU for?” He teased. She glared at him but the blush on her cheeks was still there and Cameron realised that he wasn’t just enjoying the teasing. Whatever this was made her happy, and she deserved that. “You should catch up with her, don’t want your boss thinking you’re slacking, do you?” He asked, downing what little was left of his coffee and throwing the cup in the bin. “See you later.” He was about to turn around the corner when he looked back, saw his mother with her face in her hands, shaking her head. It was going to be an interesting day…

 

 

Bernie shouted ‘Hold it!’ as she saw the elevator doors close and felt a little sheepish when she realised the only person there was Serena.

“That was my son, Cameron, by the way.” She explained as Serena turned toward her. “New rotation, AAU, could have used a heads up, but I think unpredictability runs in the family.” She added. She saw a peculiar look on Serena’s face, decided not to press it. She might have picked on something Bernie hadn’t thought of. But the point was to have her notice something, wasn’t it?

“Well, as long as he’s not too unpredictable around the ward…” Serena replied, she was smiling but there was something in her words that made Bernie feel uneasy.

“I would say no more than me but for some reason I don’t think that would really help.” Bernie replied trying to make her smile, only rewarded with a small smile and another slight frown. “Is everything alright?” She asked, concerned. Serena turned toward her and her smile threw her off kilter.

“Absolutely fine.” Serena’s voice had broken a little bit but for every time she blinked Bernie had gotten a wave of joy she couldn’t quite explain.

 

  
Serena dumped her things on her desk and went looking for Morven. She made a point to look in as many places where she knew she wouldn’t be first. She needed time to process what had just happened, and for no one to question her pacing, be it looking like it had a purpose.

So that was him. All he had been, for her, all this time, was a date in her notebook, memories of pain and joy, pride and frustration over the years. She felt she knew him, had not been ready for the way it had made her feel now. Would Bernie feel the same about Elinor? How would it feel with Charlotte? And now, now she hadn’t met Cameron directly, but she would have to work with him around the ward. Would she be able not to stare, not to reach out?

Knowing she had the opportunity to get to know someone she had felt tied to since the moment he was born… She had unknowingly seen him grow through his mother’s experiences and had never imagined this, the possibility of meeting the children, especially him, whose birth had revealed so much and cemented their relationship even further.

When she finally found Morven she was surprised to see her, and didn’t remember what her excuse for looking for her had been. She let her brain come up with something, and immediately regretted her decision.

“Is it still troubling you?” She asked. Morven had been sitting on the roof, deep in thought, and she knew that she was still trying to come to term with Arthur’s death, time didn’t quite heal all wounds. Morven looked up. “The connection?”

“It’s gone, Serena. There’s nothing there, but there’s nothing to reach out to either. There’s just myself in my own space.” She explained sadly. Serena sat next to her, wondering why she was putting Morven through this, how the young woman would feel realising what was happening to Serena. “It helps, in a way. There’s no hole to fill, no echo. I’m just alone.” Her voice didn’t break, she still looked ahead of her and Serena put her hand on her back.

“Most people don’t understand.” She added, looking toward Serena. “What we had, Arthur and I, it had always been intense, always. He was shielding me more and more, toward the end. The last… the last thing I felt was love. Pure love.” She finished, tears in her eyes. Serena drew her close. Morven was right, most people didn’t understand how complementary a bond could be, had to be, when it was this strong.

“It is better, for you, at the moment?” Morven asked, changing the subject in a way that made Serena squirm. “I know you never talk about it, but we all see it, you know. Your worry, your pain…” Serena realised she hadn’t been as discreet as she’d hoped.

“It is.” She said. “And I think it’ll get better.” She added. “Stay better.” She smiled at Morven, a little too much, and saw Morven frown. Serena wanted to look away but was afraid Morven would understand.

“You… you found them?” Morven asked, her smile blinding Serena. She noticed the pronoun, realised the young woman hadn’t made the connection and sighed quietly. “Serena, that’s, that’s…” She threw her arms around Serena and hugged her close. “When?” She pressed.

“It’s complicated.” She replied.

“Please, you sound like Raf and Fletch! Those two don’t even realise we’ve figured it out, I’m not sure whether to find it amusing or aggravating.”

“Both, both is good.” Serena replied and they laughed together. “Can you just… keep it to yourself, though?”

“Of course, but, Serena, you won’t be able to hide it very long. Remember, me and Arthur, at the start?”

“How could I forget!”

“People could tell from us just being in the same room, Serena it’s j-” Morven stopped mid sentence, open mouthed, wide eyed, realisation dawning on her. Serena meant to wince when she grinned instead. “Complicated?” Morven teased. She frowned when she realised Serena was looking away. “Serena?” She pressed.

“She hasn’t realised yet. I only realised yesterday. Neither of us expected this, I think, when you’ve known someone this long just from that bond and find them in person it’s… different. You know what I mean.”

“I do, but it was twice as long for you, give or take.” Morven nodded solemnly. “It shouldn’t take her too long. If it does, though, you might want to talk to her before the rumour mill gets there. Their hypothesis are way out there, but they’ll come round to it eventually.” Morven was a bit worried.

“I don’t know what to do.” She admitted. “With her son on the ward, too…” Morven frowned. “New rotation, he told her this morning.”

“What’s his name?” Morven asked. Serena frowned, realising she had no idea whether Bernie had chosen to keep her husband’s name or gone back to her maiden name. Being in the army she might have kept her maiden name to start with.

“Cameron. Not sure on the last name.”

“It’s weird isn’t it, knowing people but not knowing what they look like or what their names are?” Morven laughed, happy memories flooding her. “Want me to draw his attention away from you two? If he realises before her, it could be a bit of a shock…” Serena nodded.

“Thank you.” She got up, smiled at her and held out her hand to help her up. They were about to open the door when Serena took a step back, gesturing to Morven to stay behind her as the door opened rather violently. Morven bit her lip in realisation.

“Serena, the, hi, hi Morven, the surgery at 8 got cancelled, I got us the spot for a motorcycle accident, he’ll be here in fifteen.” Bernie had clearly ran up the stairs, or at least gone up at a fast pace, and barely looked like she had ran halfway through the ward. The army at work, Serena thought. She felt Morven poke her slightly from behind to get her out of her daydreaming.

“Ok, let’s. Lead the way.” Serena replied, actually walking and starting to go down the stairs ahead of Bernie. Morven caught the baffled look on Bernie’s face and realised in a fleeting moment that Bernie knew. She ducked down and retied her perfectly tied shoelaces to hide her giggling. It would be a really interesting few hours. She didn’t expect it to last much more than that.

 

  
Morven didn’t even have to look for Cameron. He had sent her a charming smile, and was keeping a very close eye on the whole ward, observing on top of following the group, a slight grin when he saw Bernie walk through the ward. She saw Bernie shoot him a look and he focused fully on what they were being taught. Bernie had caught Morven’s stare.

“He’s my son. Potential trouble.” She warned.

“Noted.” Morven replied with a smile.

Whenever possible she kept an eye on Bernie, Serena, and Cameron, noticing how Cameron scrutinised every exchange between his mother and Serena. He didn’t know, Morven could tell, but he would soon enough.

She was waging war with the planning software, and losing desperately, when he approached her later with another charming smile. She could tell he was fishing for information rather than flirting and let him, trying to follow his train of thought. He mentioned his birthday being the next month and she didn’t think much of it until she felt Serena standing right behind her.

“No, it’s not.” She pointed out, surprising Cameron who frowned, taken aback by the stern look on Serena’s face.

“It’s fine, Serena.” Morven said gently. She realised that she probably suspected Cameron was flirting with her, which he probably was, a bit, but it was a nice change from the whole hospital tiptoeing around her. She also knew how Serena knew when Cameron’s birthday was. Cameron didn’t say anything, and Morven didn’t have to turn around to sense Serena staring at him. She left and Cameron looked at her quizzically.

“I thought my mother had been here two days? And she wouldn’t have had time to check my file, or memorise my birthdate?” He pointed out more to himself than to Morven. “Have those two been acting…” He decided to ask directly, feeling like that was the only way he would get somewhere.

“Yes.” Morven replied. He could fit whichever word he wanted in there and it would probably still fit. “You should get back there if you don’t want your mum on your case.” She smiled. She wasn’t sure how Bernie would react, but from the look on Cameron’s face he didn’t want to find out either.

 

  
Cameron had followed Morven on the roof over the relatively small lunch break they had been given, making sure she was okay with him being there. She smiled and nodded.

“You think there is something between them.” Morven pointed out.

“So do you.”

“Your mother’s only worked on AAU two days, and a half if you count this morning.”

“I know, that’s what’s puzzling me.”

“They’ll probably go to Albie’s tonight, most of the ward, try and get yourself invited?” Morven suggested with a smile.

“Why are you helping me?” He asked, suddenly a little suspicious.

“Because we both want the same thing.”

“And what’s that?”

“Seeing them happy.” She replied gently. He nodded.

“Anything I should know, any habit at Albie’s, things I should or shouldn’t mention?” He asked.

“Nothing much. Serena’s drink of choice is Shiraz and -” She stopped mid sentence when she saw the look on his face.

“Did you just… say… Shiraz?” He asked, blanching and grinning at the same time. Morven nodded, perplexed. “Shiraz… Of course… SHIRAZ! That’s good! That’s very good! Shiraz.” He rambled and he noticed she looked a little put off. “Just something my mum said to me when I was a kid.”

“That would explain how Serena knows your birthday.” Morven said, having followed his train of thoughts. They shared a grin.

“How did you…?” He asked.

“She told me this morning, figured it out yesterday.”

“So you think Mum doesn’t know?”

“Serena doesn’t want to tell her but wants her to realise by herself.” Morven started.

“But Mum probably thinks the same thing, which would be logical, after all.” He finished. “So you think they both know but want the other to realise.” She nodded. “So all they have to do is realise the other knows, preferably in their presence.” She nodded again. “Any ideas?”

“You know your Mum better than I know Serena.” She said. “And she never says anything. She’d told me some things, tips and tricks, but way too vague to be helpful to us right now.”

“There might be a few things. When she explained, when I was a kid, she mentioned a few things, other than the Shiraz.”

“So you want to confront them? Isn’t that a little… risky.” Morven worried.

“I was kind of hoping that once they realise they’d be too busy trying to cope with it to bite my head off.” Cameron explained, making Morven laugh.

There was a pause as they tried to shovel their lunch into their mouth as fast as they could. They would need more than words to power through the afternoon.

They only heard someone step up to them when they were less than two steps away. They both froze and exchanged a small glance before Cameron grinned.

“Mum?” He tried. They heard a sigh and both turned toward Bernie.

“I’ll… I’ll leave you two to… you.” Morven mumbled over her coffee cup, trying to get all her things in one go and scampering, only letting her grin back on her face when she reached the door. Cameron was a godsend, and a cute one too.

“May I?” Bernie asked, gesturing toward the space Morven had just vacated. Cameron sent her a large smile that had her worried for a moment. “How is your first day on AAU going?” She asked, realising she was more nervous than expected.

“Very… informative.” He grinned and she squinted at him.

“What information have you gathered?” She asked.

“One simple thing, really. That puts all the rest into perspective.” His grin grew impossibly wider. Bernie frowned. There was no way he could have figured out anything in just a few hours, she had been extra careful, too. “Shiraz.” He let out like a code word that led Bernie’s face to dissolve in absolute horror. She didn’t remember telling him that, afraid now what else he could remember. The look on her face was confirmation enough.

“Cam… I…” She started, having no clue what she was trying to say. She could tell he wouldn’t help. “It’s complicated.” She said, echoing what Fletch had told her the previous day. Cameron rolled his eyes.

“I can think of at least half a dozen ways to solve the situation.” He started. “Most of which involve the supply cupboard.” He grinned. She swatted him on the arm. “Or you could just kiss her.” He was back to being serious and she could see he was concerned about her.

“She doesn’t know, Cam.” Kissing wasn’t exactly what she had in mind, but she wasn’t sure how she could explain it. They had known one another for so long, almost their whole life, but having only met in person a few days before made things a little trickier. The very idea of consciously sharing something in the same room felt… almost too intimate to do in public for now.

“Mum, I was talking to Morven earlier and Serena corrected me when I said something about my birthday. I think it’s fair to say she suspects something.”

“Cameron, I… I probably mentioned it, I didn’t record our every conversation.”

“You record a lot more than that.” Cameron smiled gently. His mother blushed. “Mum, you didn’t just find someone, you found your someone. You’ve spent so much time apart, don’t lose any more.” She could see how concerned and sincere he was. He knew how much that bond meant to her.

He put a hand on her shoulder and got up, taking a few steps before turning around. “I’m happy for you, Mum.”

 

  
Cameron knew the likelihood of his mother making a move was really low, she would wait for the right opportunity and it might never come. What he needed to do was manage to talk to Serena. She knew who he was, he knew what he had to tell her.

From observing her he could tell she had a rather more fiery personality than his mother, which would do her good as far as he was concerned. That also made cornering her somewhere both more complicated and considerably more dangerous. She was not the kind of person he wanted to cross, even less so with her being his mother’s soulmate.

He couldn’t believe his luck when he found himself in the elevator with her. He only had a couple floors to make it work. He smiled at her, got nothing more than a raised eyebrow in response and decided to go for it. He suspected she might have been reacting that way because she didn’t want to give anything away. Or maybe she was very protective of Morven. Whichever it was didn’t matter at that point.

“Ms Campbell.”

“Mr Dunn.”

“I just wanted to tell you… She knows.” He said, dropping the words as if he were talking about the weather, looking at her from the corner of his eye. She had a very good poker face. “Sharing a single swing, some time after Easter…” He added gently, turning toward her.

He saw her expression dissolve into something that broke his heart. It was a mix of hope and relief, and the intensity with which she was looking at him made him a little uncomfortable.

“She kept quiet for the same reason you did.” He added with a small smile as the doors opened, walking out without looking back, giving her a chance to compose herself. He made a point of not going to see Morven straight away, he didn’t want her to get in trouble for trying to help. Maybe he could ask her number, for future shenanigans.

 

  
Bernie was surprised to see Ric there as she went back to AAU.

“I offered my services given that you are a bit short on staff.” He explained.

“Yes, there are considerably fewer nurses and porters than usual, take your pick.” Serena snapped at him. They realised she was kidding as they turned toward her. Serena didn’t trust him around Bernie.

Cameron was right, if his mother knew, she’d have to be the one making a move. She knew, deep down, that Bernie was as hesitant in her private life as she was bold in her work life. Still, snogging in the middle of the ward wasn’t exactly a good idea, in more ways than one. The idea of sharing a supply cupboard to process the last few days was appealing, but she feared people might get the wrong idea.

She was saved by an emergency that had Ric called back to his ward and them working in a frenzy all afternoon and well into the evening. They both knew about the other, both knew the other knew, and their every move was in sync, so much so that all those working around them tried to make sure they weren’t treating the same patients; it was almost too much to watch. They were incredibly effective in theatre too, and baffled all those in the room with them.

The perks of knowing was that they didn’t have to control the feedback. They were both surrounded by the same smells, facing the same challenges, and it created an osmosis that was a bit dizzying but so liberating. Once things had calmed done sufficiently for them to call the end of the shift that should technically have been over for a few hours, they were too tired to think.

When Ric showed up suggesting drinks, they exchanged a tired look then sighed and followed him, Bernie texting Cam to see if he was still around. He was already at Albie’s when they got there. Ric ordered for himself and Cameron placed Bernie’s and Serena’s orders, knowing what his mother usually drank, and now dead certain what to get Serena. He looked a bit smug when handing them their drinks and they shared a look, making Cameron a bit uncomfortable, Ric looking toward him with a ‘better you than me’ look on his face.

Serena turned toward Bernie, moved so that her lips were almost brushing her ear, whispering ‘I think we ought to have a word with him’. They exchanged a long look that had the two men want to relocate elsewhere, suddenly relieved when they saw Fletch and Raf joining them.

Bernie mirrored her movement and whispered ‘I was thinking two’ before moving quickly to catch Serena’s eyes.

Serena grinned, drawing Bernie close and answering ‘Thanks is one word’, making her laugh.

They knew. They knew they knew. They knew they knew they knew.

Raf and Fletch were starting to really regret their choice of seats, Cameron itched to text, or even call, his sister but didn’t dare move, and Ric was trying to find a way to take a picture without getting his head bitten off. Cameron beat him to it, they didn’t even seem to notice.

They were all shocked when they saw Serena switching their glasses, toasting silently and drinking with their eyes closed. When they put their glasses down and opened their eyes Cameron was making a face, Ric was making a slightly different face, and Raf and Fletch’s faces were a perfect match.

“And this, you two, is why any attempt to not be obvious fail considerably.” Serena looked at them dead in the eye, feeling Bernie seeking her hand under the table. She took it, feeling electricity coursing through her veins, any other word she had in mind now stuck in her throat. Raf and Fletch exchanged a lingering, but slightly sad, look.

“It’s not that simple.” They answered simultaneously, not really helping their case.

“You can embrace and control it the way you do everything else, you’re already doing it from what I’ve seen.” Bernie pointed out, surprised to be able to string this many words together with Serena just there. “Also, you ought to be careful what you drink, you’re both exhausted, you don’t want to deprive your kids of a father.” She added, surprising them both and having Serena almost choke on her drink. Ric just looked impressed.

Cameron heard his phone ring. He had sent the picture to Charlotte with the words “They found one another. She’s going to be impossible to be around, though…” He suspected that it wasn’t really him Charlotte was calling.

He exchanged a few words, a bright smile on his face, and passed his phone to his mother. She looked afraid, having had little to no contact with her daughter since the divorce. Serena moved closer to her, her forehead on Bernie’s shoulder, her eyes closed. Bernie closed hers, trying to keep her voice from breaking as she spoke.

Halfway through the conversation Serena whispered something in her ear and Bernie turned toward her in surprise, but Serena nodded. Now that her eyes were open, Bernie was looking straight at Cameron who had a small smile on his face.

The conversation didn’t last long but the smile on his mother’s face was one of the largest he’d ever seen. She thanked him, tears in her eyes, and invited him the next evening for dinner, sharing a long look with Serena. All Serena had to do now was call Elinor. She knew it wouldn’t be easy, she didn’t want to do it there, she wanted peace and quiet, she needed to be alone for this. Well, maybe not entirely alone.

 

  
She and Bernie each took their own car, Serena texting Bernie her address. Her house was a home, Bernie’s flat was a temporary living space, there was no doubt toward which they would gravitate. As they left, Fletch and Raf having gone they own way, Ric asked Cameron if he was okay.

“I just wonder how it would have been if they’d met earlier.” He said. “But this comes at just the right time for Mum. This is a new start. This is their new start.” He paused. “I better go home, I’m getting emotional.” He mumbled. Ric chuckled.

“We’ll all have to navigate carefully around those two in the next few days.”

“Years.” Cameron corrected him. “Years is the word you were looking for.” He looked at him and saw Ric’s eyebrow shot up. “How long have you known Serena?” Cameron asked.

“Long enough to know you’re right.” Ric sighed. He was happy they were happy. They deserved it. He wondered how the family reunion they were planning would go.

 

Serena waited for Bernie at the door, waiting for her to even unlock the door. They shared a look and Serena let them in, taking in the house, wondering what Bernie would see there that she didn’t, hadn’t, had forgotten about.

“Smells like you.” Bernie said gently. She was right behind her and Serena turned around, getting lost in her eyes. “Smells like home.” Bernie added, her voice breaking. They weren’t even touching but Serena could feel the air crackle. She had to look away and smiled sadly.

“I need to call Elinor, I don’t want her to hear it from someone else.” She said gently. “Feel free to explore.” Serena offered, looking around, hoping nothing was out of place, not sure why it mattered. Bernie knew it was her cue to leave, give Serena some space. She would be close by if she needed, they both knew.

Bernie started her exploration in the kitchen. She felt like the space was almost familiar. She tentatively reached out to a cupboard and wasn’t surprised by its content. Taking a look at Serena who was trying to make herself comfortable on the sofa, she had an idea. She would explore the whole panel of smells another time, for now she was aiming for something specific.

Starting the kettle, she reached out for a mug, trying to find one with the right texture. It took her a minute or two to find everything she needed, the right amount of it all, before she carried it to Serena. Elinor hadn’t answered her phone. She handed her the tea and could see tears in Serena’s eyes.

“I’m there if you need me.” Bernie whispered, readjusting the blanket Serena had wrapped herself in, trying to navigate the house again. It was an odd feeling, Serena had lived there for so long that she could navigate it with her eyes closed, often had, and now Bernie was confronted to that same house and felt like a part of her had always lived there.

Elinor hadn’t answered her phone, and with her favourite tea on hand, courtesy of the woman she was finally starting to associate to the one she’d lived side by side her own life, Serena felt ready to push, just a little bit. She decided to text her, hoping to have some success there. She needed to do it, needed to do it tonight.

“I found her.”

She knew the message was somewhat cryptic, and resolved herself to call again. She heard Elinor picking up and sighed in relief. At a loss, having feared the conversation without really preparing for it, she repeated the words she had sent her, unsure whether she had seen them or not. There was a blank. Maybe the pronoun had thrown her off. She could hear tears in her own voice.

“Ellie?” She called out. Was she just trying to process it, or doing something at the same time? Serena realised she had closed her eyes and could feel Bernie’s quiet support just there, in the next room this time, like all these times one of them had needed someone by their side through the difficulties life had thrown at them, and had found the other there, waiting, a benevolent presence just a blink away.

“What is she like?” When Elinor’s voice finally pierced the silence she could hear her mother sob. She had sounded a bit defencive, but a bit hopeful too. Serena would take that, anything her daughter was ready to give. This was not something she wanted to start with a fight or a confrontation. It meant too much to her.

“Come and meet her?” Serena hated how hesitant she sounded. There was no hesitation in what was happening, no hesitation in her love as a mother, as a woman. Serena was scared to have lost her but then she heard her daughter speak again, a single word that made all the difference.

“When?” Serena wasn’t sure the tears she felt on her face were strictly her own as she felt Bernie sitting at the edge of the sofa. She must have heard, Serena realised.

“Tomorrow night?” She held her breath and felt Bernie’s hand in hers. Feeling that extension of the support she had felt her whole life was almost surreal, she never wanted to let Bernie go but knew they would need time to adjust.

“Sure, see you tomorrow mum.”

Elinor’s answer came as Bernie took a sip of the tea she had made for Serena, associating it with that moment, one of many it had accompanied through the years. Serena wasn’t sure what to say anymore, to either of them. She knew Bernie didn’t need words, knew nothing she could say would be enough for Elinor, it had been harder and harder to truly reach out to her.

“See you tomorrow.” Serena hoped the relief in her voice would be enough. She opened her eyes as her daughter hung up, looking at Bernie who had tears matching hers on her cheeks.

“Three against two…” Serena said, realising it would be tricky although Cameron appeared to be on their sides, even if there were no sides to take.

“Three against one.” Bernie replied, taking her hand and squeezing it.

“They’re going to tease us all night aren’t they?” Serena grumbled, making Bernie laugh.

“I’d say we have ample teasing material.” Bernie grinned.

“I’m not sure how well they’re going to get along.”

“We’ll just have to be insufferable enough.” Bernie replied.

“You’re really positive tonight.” Serena was a touch surprised.

“You’re a good influence.”

“Well, it hadn’t worked that well up until now, had it!”

“I couldn’t see your smile, or look into your eyes.” Bernie stated.

“Getting sappy, are we?”

“Well, we did miss dinner, I’ll blame it on the low blood sugar.”

“I know, Bernie, I’ve been able to feel your hunger for about two hours.” Serena teased. “Feel like actually tasting that Shepherd’s pie? There’s more than enough of it left.” Bernie nodded enthusiastically.

They didn’t even bother to take two plates, forehead almost touching as they ate. What next? Next, they would improvise. Sleep would be a good idea, they needed the rest, and it would keep their minds off the following evening.

 

  
They slept fully clothed, in each other’s arms, channelling their own comfort, forming a feedback loop that had them falling asleep quicker than they had in a very long time.

Serena had forgotten to set her alarm the previous day but was gently nudged awake five minutes before it would have rung. She wasn’t sure which of them had first felt the wave of comfort that hit her but she was reluctant to move away, knowing Bernie would have to go back to her flat to get ready. They could try and meet for breakfast at Pulses, although the line at this time of day was dreadfully long. Serena had a feeling quite a few people would let them jump the queue if it meant not being too close.

“See you later.” Bernie whispered, a hand on her shoulder. They kept the contact as she moved until it was just their fingertips. Serena didn’t move straight away, listening to her moving around the house with an ease that made her heart swell. This was too much too fast, as far as relationship went, but they had an ace up their sleeve.

 

  
They met on the hospital parking lot, in sync even when traffic was concerned. Serena felt Bernie reach out for her hand as they walked side by side and let her. People were already staring anyway, it wouldn’t make much of a difference other than the comfort she got from just that simple contact.

As expected, the queue to Pulses fizzled as they walked in, a lot of people suddenly concerned they were short of change or at a loss as per what to order. Bernie ordered the blend Serena had had her discover. It was theirs now. Serena took a look at the time and looked at Bernie. She followed as she started walking away, not entirely sure where they were heading.

It was a bit windy on the roof and Serena played with the rebellious strands of Bernie’s hair that kept trying to run away.

“Do you know what would be really nice up here?” Bernie asked in between bites of pain au chocolat.

“Sun?” Serena suggested, making Bernie laugh gently.

“Deckchairs.” She said, making Serena roll her eyes.

“What is it with you and chairs!” She exclaimed.

“Not that many nice places to sit in the desert when you’re out there. A literal choice between a rock and a hard place.”

Her tone was light but there was something in her eyes that made Serena want to keep her close. It would be a little tricky with warm cups of coffee so she settled for looking at her with as much feelings as she could muster.

She could see Bernie stop breathing. Serena’s eye drawn to her parted lips for no more than a millisecond, realising, too late, that she hadn’t expected the reaction, the one she had fully shared. The hint of physical attraction she’d felt felt like it was a tide washing over their minds, crashing in each of them a little harder every time.

She tried to talk, explain, apologise, but she couldn’t tear her eyes off Bernie’s. She felt her put her coffee down and did the same. She was a bit startled when she felt Bernie’s arms around her, bringing her closer, her face in the crook of her neck, the tip of her nose a little cold, making her chuckle against Bernie’s skin, mirroring her position.

She felt Bernie’s lips on the side of her neck, small, incredibly light kisses, brushing past her skin, slowly travelling up. They both had their eyes closed and Serena could smell her own perfume in a way that was incredibly disturbing. Serena knew where Bernie was going, knew what she was doing and let her, encouraged her even as she relayed everything she felt, her hands gently gripping at the back of Bernie’s coat.

Serena let out a small moan as Bernie reached her jaw, what she felt then overpowering. Bernie took just a bit more distance, her thumbs caressing Serena’s cheeks, prompting her to open her eyes. She closed them again the second their lips met.

She wasn’t sure which of them had really initiated it. It didn’t matter. They were one, and acknowledging it like this felt almost too much. They weren’t ready, they knew it, felt it, but wanted just another taste of it before they could truly work their way there. When they broke the kiss, eyes on one another, they knew they still had so many things to adapt to. Serena didn’t hold back her moan when Bernie kissed her way down her neck again before pulling her close.

They were startled by a large ‘Coo’ and turned to face a quizzical pigeon.

“Coo yourself.” Bernie said, mock offended. Serena laughed and reached forward, at just the right angle to kiss Bernie’s neck. Another, sterner, ‘Coo’ dissuaded her from carrying on.

“Our friend is right, we ought to go back.” Bernie acknowledged. The pigeon flew off. His work was done. “Any name for our bothersome new friend?” Bernie asked cheekily.

“Henrik.” Serena suggested.

“I can live with that!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *wide smile* 
> 
> The next chapter is going to be a bit angsty, as you can expect, given that you’ll see the family gathering that they’ll all regret coming to at some point or another (but mostly Cameron). I realised in the past few days that family will end up featuring a lot more heavily than I’d planned at first, so there’ll be tinges of angst here and there, but nothing too bad, I promise!


	4. There's no eye in family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Between the two of them, Bernie and Serena have two unfortunate ex-husbands and three children, all of them intent on making them pay for something they did, or didn’t, do. They had a long day ahead of them, and a longer evening still, even with the benevolent support of their colleagues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your comments, I’m amazed to see how the way the initial idea grew touched so many of you!
> 
> This chapter got completely out of hand, I partly blame DaisyDoctor13 for encouraging me!! There’ll be more family stuff, because my short super fluffy pure Berena AU turned into a family thing, apparently. Whoops? There’ll still be lots of fluff though, just with children shenanigans here and there (but it won’t be short, which is probably obvious by now!)
> 
> This chapter is another very long one, because I didn’t want to cut it somewhere mean (but the next will be shorter, still not mean though!)
> 
> Hope you’ll enjoy!

The second Bernie was out of theatre, letting her mental barriers down, she sensed something was wrong. Heading toward AAU, she heard a deafening silence and muffled her steps accordingly. From afar she could see Serena in a staring match with Edward. Bernie could see half the ward had spotted her, and all were slowly taking a few steps back. She wondered exactly what they expected her to do. Serena clearly hadn’t seen her, her eyes focused on Edward. She wasn’t sure what to do, didn’t want to just fly in, knowing Serena would want to deal with it herself. Still, she wanted to defuse the situation.

They were right next to the open door of the office and Bernie decided to do the one thing she could, the one silent support she could provide for the time being. She walked as silently as she could, knowing Serena would be able to sense she was close even without taking her eyes off Edward. She knew he would most likely feel it as soon as Bernie got close enough, and had every intention of making him jump out of his skin.

The whole ward was holding their breath, save for one coughing patient in the background. Bernie squared her shoulders right before she passed Edward, not meaning to appear possessive but dissuasive in case Edward got a really stupid idea.

She saw Serena extend her hand without even needing to look at her and Bernie took it, squeezing it quickly before going in the office, sitting on the chair and lowering it a bit. She knew there was a creaky setting, a couple notches down. The second she spun in the chair she heard the entire ward jump. It seemed enough for Edward to snap out of it and leave.

“What is it with you and chairs?” Serena called out from right outside the door, the activity in the ward slowly starting again.

“I’ve been told to stop leaning, it’s distracting apparently.” She replied, a little smug.

“Thank you.” Serena dove in her eyes.

“You’re welcome.” Bernie smiled but wondered how she would deal with Marcus showing up on the ward. Her children probably knew better than to tell him, but rumours go fast, and that kind could have reach his hospital by now. Alex was back in the field, as far as she knew, and probably wouldn’t try to reach out.

“Did he want something other than putting you on the spot?” She asked, a bit concerned.

“He probably did. We’ll never know. Not that I want to.” Serena dropped in her own chair. “How did it go?”

“Alright, nothing out of the ordinary, he’ll take some time to recover, but he’ll live.” She didn’t generally joke with that kind of things, but wanted to tease a smile out of Serena. It worked.

 

Serena noticed through the day that a number of people who rarely showed up on AAU came to visit, just to take a look around, only to practically run in the opposite direction whenever Serena glared at them. Bernie had made a point of stopping in strategic places in the corridor and walking silently to collide with as many of them as possible, making Serena shake her head.

 

Serena had two major operations planned in the afternoon, very little chance of Bernie being needed there, and she decided to escape to the roof for a little bit, away from prying eyes and buzzing activity.

 

She found Dom sitting on the stairs. He didn’t look too cheery himself. He moved so she could sit next to him.

“That kind of day?” She asked. He nodded.

“You?” He asked, a bit puzzled to find her here.

“Overwhelming, mostly. You know that experiment with two magnets put among more and the others running away in all directions? Well, that’s a bit how it feels down there at the moment.” She explained. Serena’s office was their only sanctuary, and even there she felt it was overwhelming. Dom chuckled.

“That’s all the hospital is talking about.” He pointed out.

“Exactly. It’s already hard to adjust, but that extra pressure it… I don’t know.” Bernie couldn’t quite find the right words, not yet anyway.

“What do you mean by hard to adjust?” Dom asked, genuinely interested.

“When you share a bond as strong as we do for so long, you grow close, really close. Nothing prepared us to meet, realising who the other was after about two days of knowing one another was a bit… brutal.” She paused. “We have to learn to associate it, reconnect missing pieces, learn to know that one side of the other that was always out of reach, and it’s impossible to do in situations like these.” She finished. Dom nodded thoughtfully.

“What are you going to do now?” He asked.

“Family reunion tonight.” She winced, suddenly not too sure how good an idea it was to do it so soon. “Some talking would be good.” She winced again, words had never been her forte, she hoped their link would help.

“It’s odd, because what few soulmates I’ve met…” Dom started, Bernie looked at him quizzically. “Practically jumped on one another the second they met.” He paused. “Well, not necessarily *that* way, but I remember with Arthur and Morven…” He sighed. “I think the fact that you’re older and have known one another longer plays a role.”

“I think there’s more than that. We’ve both been in long term relationships before, supported one another through that and through the whole debacle that followed. There’s the children, what I’ve been through in the army…”

“Pure platonic love.” Dom completed, in a tone that Bernie found surprisingly non-judgemental.

“Yes and no, something like that, maybe, I don’t know.” Dom smiled at her.

“You’ll figure it out.”

“I hope so. We can’t keep working the way we do right now, it’s exhausting for us as well as everyone else.”

“Things will settle down.” He reassured her, and waited for her to look at him before he continued. “But it might not be easy. Serena doesn’t have as good a poker face as she thinks, everyone could see what she’s been through, once people start making the connection everyone is going to tiptoe around you.” He talked gently but firmly, knowing she wouldn’t take offence. She nodded, deep in thoughts. She hadn’t thought about that.

“And you know, if you two really need time, I’m fairly sure Hanssen would let you have a couple days off. It doesn’t matter if people get the wrong idea, if you manage to get things sorted…” He suggested. 

She looked at him with a smile and nodded. He was on to something! She would have to talk to Serena, but she had a feeling she would agree. She closed her eyes and could feel her again. The operation hadn’t gone well, they had only been in there ten minutes when she had gone up to the roof.

“Sorry, I should go, thank you for the peptalk! And good luck for the rest of your day.” He sighed but there was a smile on his face. He would wait a few minutes before going back down, the, very, fresh air helping clear his thoughts.

 

They met halfway through the flight of stairs, immediately in each other’s arms. “Too much damage.” Serena mumbled against her scrubs.

“I’m sorry.” Bernie whispered, dropping a light kiss to the side of her head in a movement she hadn’t even thought through, that just felt right.

There was a pause, just the two of them, a little bubble of comfort, before Bernie took a deep breath.

“You know, I was talking with Dom, and he made a good point.” She started. Serena moved so she could look at her. “If we ask Hanssen he’d probably give us a day off or two, we could try and process this, it would probably be easier on everyone.” Bernie wasn’t sure how Serena would react and wondered whether she would think Bernie couldn’t cope. Bernie knew the only reason she could was precisely because Serena was there, she had been the one presence that had grounded her where she had been rather than let her run.

“Oh, god, yes.” Serena let out, making Bernie laugh. “They’ll all get the wrong idea though.” She groaned.

“Better than the supply cupboard.” Bernie pointed out. Serena started laughing, a rather nervous laugh that them both doubled over in seconds. As Dom passed them on the way down he grinned and realised they hadn’t even noticed him. Their happiness was amazing to watch, if a bit bittersweet.

 

Once they had calmed down enough for Bernie to fix Serena’s leaking mascara, they decided to pay Hanssen a visit straight away, thinking that having that settled might help them focus better for the rest of the day.

“I was wondering when I’d be seeing you.” He smiled a tight-lipped smile that Bernie thought made him look a little creepy and got up to greet them. He could see their surprise. He reached for forms on his desk and handed the lot to them. They looked at one another and sighed, making Hanssen smile a true smile.

“They’re pre-filled, you shouldn’t have too much trouble.” He teased, looking at Serena who glared at him. “I don’t expect HR to be punctilious, the entire hospital knows by now, it’s really more of an administrative measure.” He explained, now in front of his desk, leaning into it a bit. “But I’m assuming it’s not the reason of your coming here.” They exchanged another look.

“We wanted to…” 

“Ask you…” 

“If you wouldn’t mind…” 

“Letting us have a day off or two” 

“Sooner rather than later” 

“For the good of the hospital.” Serena finished. They had gone way past finishing each other’s sentences and she could see the amusement in Hanssen’s eyes.

“I’ve already arranged for that. Quite a few people begged for it, actually.” He smirked. They blushed then looked at one another, why did they feel like a teenage couple being told off by the school headmaster? “Just wrap what needs wrapping when you leave tonight and we’ll arrange the next few days.” He reassured them. Bernie had been about to mention how far Christmas was but Serena shot her a look and she pouted.

“Thank you, Henrik.” Serena said, and Bernie immediately started laughing, tears in her eyes, trying to hide her face on Serena’s shoulder, who took a moment to recall the pigeon and start laughing too. They both missed Hanssen’s eyebrow shooting up. He shooed them out of his office, now clear that he wouldn’t get anything more out of them, not realising that it made it even worse. 

They were on their way to the ward at a reasonable pace when they were called. Serena encouraged Bernie to go on ahead, they weren’t far and she was faster. She dropped the paperwork on her desk as she joined her next to Fletch who was trying to balance two phones, forms, and two pens in both hands. Raf came behind him, relieved him of one of each, making Bernie smile. Serena was surprised, they rarely let themselves get this in sync, maybe what Bernie had said the previous day had hit a nerve.

Serena had been afraid that the lowkey emergency would threaten their dinner plans, but they managed to leave on time. They headed to Bernie’s flat first, having agreed that, if they were going to spend a few days together, it was easier to spend it all in the same place, preferably somewhere comfortable.

Bernie hadn’t been really confident about letting Serena in her flat, it was a mess and would probably not feel really encouraging. She saw Serena’s jaw drop as she stepped in, and mumbled “Not very good at housekeeping.” While at the same time sharing everything she could to explain the state of her flat. It was barely a living space, it didn’t matter that it was covered in several kinds of wrappings, it filled the otherwise bland and empty space that reminded her, had reminded her, of her new bland and empty life. 

She tugged at Serena’s sleeve for her to follow toward the bedroom, realising she might be tempted to help tidy up. She needed to do that alone. Or at least mostly. Partly. A little bit.

Serena was surprised when she stepped into the room. It was ordered with military precision, the exact opposite of the rest of the flat. Bernie just shrugged and took very little time preparing enough clothes and toiletries for a few days while Serena looked at her moving across her space, clearly not used to it yet, the thought of Bernie in her home moving around so naturally making her eyes well up. She hadn’t noticed Bernie stop and move toward her.

“We’ll be okay.” She said, a mere whisper, before leaving a feather-light kiss on Serena’s forehead. She was too stunned to reply and Bernie went back to her things, making Serena wonder whether her bag wasn’t bigger on the inside. She had heard about the special military folding techniques, but that was pure witchcraft.

As they left the flat, they both knew she would spend considerably less time there, if any, only if they really needed time apart, which none of them could picture at the moment.

 

Cameron was at the door when they arrived, making them realise that they hadn’t given any kind of time.

“I can help!” He piped up, making his mother smile. Serena opened the door, letting him in, seeing Bernie pause the same way she had the previous night. “Home.” She whispered, Cameron turning toward her with a frown before seeing the look on her face and smiling again. Home was so much more than just where the heart was.

Cameron stood cautiously several steps behind the two of them; he hadn’t meant to be early. Well, he had, just not that early, hoping to get to see them around one another before Charlotte arrived so he could give her a few tips, or just share anecdotes. He knew there was still a lot of work to do to mend that relationship, and he intended to help as much as he could. 

He realised fairly quickly that they seemed to have entirely forgotten about him the second his coat was on the hanger. Without moving from his spot, he looked around and smiled. This, he agreed, was a home, and he wondered just how familiar his mother was with it after all these years. He realised as he saw her move around the kitchen that this was already her home, and while his heart sunk, and he knew Charlotte would struggle with it too, seeing her like this was like rediscovering her, and he liked what he was seeing.

“Cameron, you know you’re allowed to sit down, right?” Serena called out to him and gestured toward the table, snapping him out of his daydreaming and making Bernie turn around.

“Keep an eye on him, he has a tendency to make a number of fully edible cooking ingredients go rogue and disappear without a trace.” Bernie teased. He opened his mouth in shock, about to reply something when Serena frowned. Bernie turned toward her.

“If you need something from the shop I can go get it?” Cam suggested. They might want to be alone for a moment. Serena shook her head.

“I’ll go, there’s a lot less in there than I remembered being and I’m fairly sure you’re not to blame for it. I won’t be long.” She said, sliding a hand on Bernie’s back, exchanging a look. Cameron’s eyes followed her until she passed the front door, amused.

“You okay, Cam?” Bernie asked, a bit concerned. She wasn’t sure how either of them would take it, and was a bit surprised by Cameron’s reactions.

“Course. It’s so weird to see you like this. A good kind of weird. I think Charlotte will agree. If she doesn’t whatever you’re cooking should, because you clearly know what you’re doing without even knowing what it is, so it must be Serena’s recipe, so it’s bound to taste better.” He teased.

“Hey!” She swatted him on the arm. She had actually been inspired herself by Serena’s recipes for years, but she wasn’t going to tell him that. She was pretty sure Marcus wouldn’t even have thought about it, but she was hardly a good cook and from what results she could taste she could tell Serena had quite a lot she could teach her. She had, in a way, but being in her kitchen made things a lot easier.

They heard a shy knock at the front door and exchanged a look. Elinor wouldn’t knock in what was essentially her own home.

Bernie set the burner on the lowest setting and headed to the door, opening it gently.

“Charlie.” She said with a tentative small smile.

“Hi Mum.” Charlotte kept her distance, her hand gripped on the strap of her messenger bag.

“Oh, come on.” Cameron rolled his eyes and Bernie moved forward, tentatively hugging Charlotte who tensed but hung on. They heard Cameron take a picture. 

“This is a memorable moment.” He could see his Mum’s eyes were closed, a couple tears trapped on her eyelashes.

“I’m so happy to see you.” Bernie whispered.

“Then look at me.” Charlotte snapped, shocking Cameron. Bernie, her eyes well and truly opened, looked straight at her, fighting the urge to close her eyes and share the moment with Serena. It had been a while since she had seen her, and she could notice small changes. A slightly different haircut, no concealer covering her freckles… She took the opportunity to memorise tiny little details again that she was used to see change so fast in-between tours. Charlotte’s eyes were curious, but guarded, and her lips were pinched tight together.

“As cute as this is, do you mind being either in or out, because it’s getting a little chilly in here.” Cameron interrupted them, his voice a little tense. He wanted to be able to hear whenever either Serena or Elinor showed up, wanted to make sure his mother and Charlotte could reconnect as best they could before adding another element to the mix.

Bernie took Charlotte’s coat, hung it, and turned toward her again. She was still tensed but her body language was a little more open.

“I’ll go keep an eye on the pan.” Cameron muttered, making sure they got the message. He wouldn’t interrupt.

Charlotte was wearing a strapless dress and not quite facing her mother, on purpose she realised. She frowned slightly, noticing the edge of a tattoo on the back of her shoulder and taking a step closer. She smiled, admiring the design. It was simple, but elegant, and, to her, it meant hope. The stylised version of the hemoglobin molecule was missing some elements on the edges, marked simply with coloured dots that were, she supposed, meant to be filled in later. At the centre, the four of them, the symbols she had chosen the ones they used to use when they sent letters while she was deployed.

“Cameron helped with the design.” Charlotte admitted, her mother blinking back tears. She knew Charlotte had done it for herself, but it meant a lot to her too, and she had clearly meant to show it to her. Was it her way of offering a truce?

“Please tell me Cameron took a picture of your father’s face when you showed him.” Bernie’s smile widened as she saw Charlotte crack a smile.

“I think he shot a video.” She admitted. “And I didn’t think you’d take it that well.”

“Why? It’s meaningful, you’ve clearly put a lot of thought into it, and it’s your body, your rules.” She resisted the urge to trace the outline with her fingers.

“Well I’m still grounded.” She said and Bernie laughed.

“I’ll talk to him.” She promised. Who would ground their twenty-something daughter? What was he trying to prove? How would that even work?

“I… Don’t think that’s a really good idea right now.” She warned. Bernie bit her lip. She didn’t want to overstep, but she understood the meaning behind that tattoo, and she would have thought Marcus could too. “Rumours go around fast, even between hospitals.” She explained. “He might not come at Holby, but…” She started, a bit uneasy.

“I’ll handle it when it comes to that.” She promised. “How much trouble did Cameron get in for this?”

“None, I didn’t want to involve him, and Dad didn’t know he wanted to go back to medicine, so I covered for him, sort of.” She explained. Bernie shot her a wide grin.

“The two of you could take over the world if you put your mind to it.” She said, proudly.

“Funnily enough, Dad said the same thing, but not quite in the same tone.” Charlotte replied, wincing.

They heard a car in the driveway and Bernie knew it was Serena before she saw her walk in.

“You must be Charlotte, thank you for coming.” Serena started with a comfortable smile, it was her house after all, and Bernie could see Charlotte go back in her shell. “You’ve probably heard that before, but you look a lot like your mum.” Serena said. Charlotte sighed, eyes half closed, making Bernie huff in mock-hurt.

Serena could still remember the first moment she had known about Charlotte, and so many moments later. Facing her now, looking this much like her mother, was a bit eerie. She had been staring and could tell Charlotte was studying her. She was more or less between the two of them now and Bernie knew she could feel it. 

Cameron had inched closer when he’d heard the door open and was fidgeting with his phone, ready to take a picture if need be. He didn’t react fast enough when his sister all but launched herself at Serena, hugging her close. He saw tears in Serena’s eyes and decided against it.

“Thank you.” Charlotte whispered to her, feeling Serena hug her back. “I know, from her letters, how much you’ve helped. She never talked about it back home, left everything out there, everything she could, the worst of it anyway. I read a few of them again before coming. I’ll show you, one day, if you want, if she agrees. I’m not ready for a clean slate, but that’s something that means too much to be tainted by her mistakes.”

The moment was broken when Charlotte’s phone rung. Bernie took a couple steps forward, one hand on each of their shoulders. She saw Charlotte frown, and shrink a little bit, then cover her phone, turning to Bernie.

“It’s… It’s dad. He’s… drunk.” She explained, shooting a desperate look at Cameron who came to stand next to her. She handed him the phone and Charlotte inched closer the Bernie who sneaked a kiss on the top of her head, grateful that her daughter was slightly smaller than she was, especially with those heels. She felt Charlotte squirm but not push her away and realised that things were definitely on the right path. She didn’t want to get her hopes up too much, knew from what Cameron had told her that this was a one-time effort, more not to disrespect Serena than to support her.

She saw Cameron’s jaw tense as he let his father talk, and he looked at Bernie who nodded slightly. They all knew what he really wanted. He passed her the phone and she extended her free hand toward Serena who took it and came to stand right next to her, leaving the two siblings to stand side by side, facing them.

“Marcus?” Bernie could feel from the get go that Charlotte hadn’t exaggerated about her father being drunk. She couldn’t remember him like this, or maybe she had never had the chance to see it, which frightened her even more. From the look on her children’s face, it wasn’t a first. She hoped it hadn’t happened before the divorce, hoped it was a recent thing, a few hiccoughs in his attempt to rebuild his own life.

Serena’s quiet support helped her process the seemingly endless waves of abuse being shot at her. Bernie was hoping he’d run out, of words or alcohol, but she realised really soon that it had been wishful thinking.

“Marcus, what do you want?” She finally asked, her posture tense, her military persona seeping through her tone, yet a hint of worry on her face. The siblings exchanged a worried look. They couldn’t hear their father’s side of the conversation, but had a good idea of what could be going on. Their mother didn’t look angry, just… tired, seemingly accepting everything thrown her way. It took a few minutes that felt like years until he hung up, Bernie huffing in relief, handing Charlotte her phone back.

“I could be wrong, but I think I can smell something…” Charlotte didn’t finish her sentence and they all headed to the kitchen. Serena managed to save the content of the pan, Bernie located the right cupboard for most of the items Serena had bought and Serena fit the rest in. The way the two of them worked together amazed Charlotte.

“Are they always like this?” She asked Cameron in a low voice.

“Wait and see.” He said, unable to describe what he’d seen so far.

They watched as the two women started preparing a recipe they seemed to both know, making Cameron smile. He recognised the ingredients from something he had helped his mother with when he was younger, although there were always fewer tomatoes than planned by some unexplained phenomenon. Bernie asked for help and Cameron stepped forward but she gave him a look. Charlotte went instead, sticking her tongue out at him.

“Anything I should know about her?” Serena asked Bernie sweetly, knowing Charlotte could hear her.

“Too clever for her own good.”

“I wonder who she gets that from.” Serena teased, earning herself a sad puppy look from Bernie and a quiet laugh from Charlotte.

To Bernie’s great surprise Cameron offered to set the table, feeling a little self conscious just watching them work. Serena pointed him to the right cupboards and they saw Bernie close her eyes as she tasted the pan she was stirring. Serena closed her eyes too.

“A bit more salt.” Charlotte looked from one to the other a few times, then looked at Cameron with a look of absolute horror on her face.

“I told you they’d be impossible to be around!” He said playfully.

They heard the front door open as Cameron set the last glass down.

 

Serena walked to the door in silence. Bernie could tell how tensed she was. Her relationship with her daughter had been a bumpy one for years, and while resisting her rebellion was second nature by that point, the evening was one of concessions, and she wasn’t sure Elinor was ready for that. Bernie realised that seeing this many people in her home, least of all someone who knew it so well already, could make things problematic.

Bernie had no idea what to expect, had seen no pictures. She had noticed Serena’s reactions to her own children without knowing what hers would be to Elinor. When their eyes met across the room she suddenly understood. There was defiance in those eyes, a resolve she clearly had from her mother, a hint of bravado, too. Nothing Bernie hadn’t already seen in the army, but this was different. She wanted Elinor to like her, she realised, not just accept her.

There was a moment. Silence hung in the air, Serena was one step behind her daughter, unsure what to do next. Bernie and Elinor were still looking at one another, Cameron’s eyes going from Serena to Charlotte. Charlotte seemed to be shifting ever so slowly back. Bernie knew she had to be the one saying something. Preferably something meaningful.

“Hi.” That was a good start. She could see Cameron’s hands covering his face from the corner of her eyes, and a muffled giggle on her right. There was no reply, not that she expected there to be one.

“It’s good to finally meet you.” She said, the only thing she could think of, the one thought she couldn’t get out of her head. Elinor was still looking at her. She wasn’t going to make it easy. “There’s not that much I remember in terms of details. A rough floor, a silk scarf, a smell of antiseptic, and your mother’s perfume, and sweat, mostly.” She didn’t want to get into details.

“Where were you?” Elinor asked, surprising everyone. Bernie could see Serena stepping forward but sent her a small smile and she stopped.

“I was deployed, military barracks in the desert.” She explained. She could still remember every detail

“She helped.” Serena added from behind her but Elinor didn’t turn around.

“How?” She asked and Bernie could feel her daughter’s stance change ever so slightly to one of defensiveness.

“I tried to take some of the pain, channel some comfort.”

“From the middle of the desert.” There was an accusation in her words that was starting to make them all uncomfortable.

“Warm tea and itchy blanket.” She explained. “It was the best I had on hand, the only way I could feel enough comfort to share it with her.”

“In the middle of a war zone? How did you manage that?” Elinor pushed.

“Well, my team was asleep, I woke up, took what I had on hand.”

“And they let you?”

“They knew I had a strong bond, how it affected me, that I never let it impact the way I work.”

“What where you doing there?” She asked. It was starting to sound like a proper police interrogation.

“Army medic. RAMC.”

“What’s your name?” The answers and questions were faster and faster.

“Berenice Wolfe. Bernie.”

“I’ve heard about you.”

“Good or bad?” Bernie asked, immediately regretting it.

“Bad.” Elinor replied, venom in her voice. Bernie knew she could tell it had hurt her. She had a feeling she knew what the bad was about, knew that if Elinor knew she would never trust her. Serena didn’t say anything, waiting for what would happen next, knowing that it was too late to stop her now.

“If that’s Alex you’re referring to, you should have seen how she behaved when she came to our house.” Charlotte replied, holding Elinor’s stare. She felt her mother’s surprise but didn’t look at her. “I was the first to judge Mum, but that was ugly, and it taught us all a lot.” She looked at her brother who was silently pleading for her to stop talking.

“So you know?” Elinor sounded surprised.

“Obviously. More than we wish we did.” Charlotte replied. Bernie was trying very hard not to move a muscle, surprised to see her daughter defend her, even if she was clearly not over the affair.

“And you forgave her?” There was endless disbelief in her voice.

“No.” Charlotte replied, Bernie flinching. “I don’t. I’m not sure I will, but I’m ready to compromise, for her, for this. I may not agree with what she’s done but I want to see her happy.” She paused. “After everything she’s been through she more than deserves it.”

There was no animosity in the way Elinor looked at Charlotte, recognising the strength of her belief, but it changed the second she turned to Bernie again.

“You know why I can’t trust you.” She all but hissed. This time, Serena stepped up, knowing that it might be their last chance of a bearable evening.

“Ellie, your father cheated on me, probably more times than either of us are aware…” She paused, letting her words sink in. “I know what happened to Bernie, I know why she went there, and I know what it has put her through.” Elinor turned around to look her mother in the eye. Serena hesitated whether or not to mention the fact that Bernie had helped her, then, too.

“And you accept it?” Elinor asked.

“Yes.” Serena’s tone was final, and Elinor could see in her eyes how convinced she was of her words. Serena saw Elinor’s face falling.

“How?”

“I understand her, her every action, and now her every word. Every step the both of us have ever taken brought us here, today, together, with our flaws and our mistakes. All of them.”

“As charming as this little exchange is, I’m fairly sure this isn’t supposed to smell like caramel.” Cameron said, making everyone jump, pointing at the pan. Bernie and Serena shared a look. They saved the dish and made sure everything was reading. Behind them Cameron shot Elinor a smile, Charlotte rolling her eyes behind him.

“Cameron.” He introduced himself, extending a hand that soon found its way in his hair once he realised she wasn’t going to shake it. There was a coldness in her eyes, he realised, that suddenly turned into something mischievous as a grin grew on her face like wildfire. She took a step to the side, facing Charlotte.

“Elinor.” She extended her hand with the most charming smile she had, inherited from her mother. It had served her well many times before.

Charlotte, having inherited her mother’s fair complexion and tendency to blush, put it to good use, shaking her hand somewhat hesitantly compared to the firmness of Elinor’s handshake.

“Charlotte.” She introduced herself, struggling to look Elinor in the eye. She was clearly up to something, and the last time Charlotte had seen someone behave like that, it had been her brother, who was very good at flirting. What little tips he had given her over the years wouldn’t be enough to match someone with her level of flirtatiousness. 

She had a good idea of what Elinor was up to and was still hoping her brother would try to take over. Elinor had probably picked her because she was an easy prey, hoping to get one of their mothers to react, but they were too engrossed in their cooking to notice anything. She could see Cameron grinning encouragingly and glared at him. Not helping!

She leaned against the table, as casually as she could, finding a comfortable position, and she could almost see Cameron grinning in approval. She tentatively crossed her legs and noticed Elinor looking. She looked her in the eye and bit her lip, testing her reaction. She could see surprise, and then excitement. Cameron had turned away. He didn’t want to see that.

By the time Bernie and Serena turned around, their daughters were having a silent face-off while Cameron looked like a kicked puppy, covering his eyes until his mother handed him a plate full of something too hot for him to concentrate on anything but that for a hot second.

They sat strategically, Bernie and Serena side by side, Charlotte and Elinor, next to their respective mothers, across one another, and Cameron taking the last chair regretting having ever agreed to this.

Charlotte leaned back in her chair, letting her feet slide a little more under the table, meeting Elinor’s eyes who looked at her appreciatively. She could tell her mother couldn’t see a thing, yet, but she had a feeling Serena was on to something, or maybe she just immediately suspected something was up when her daughter was concerned.

Charlotte was reminded of something her brother had told her a few weeks earlier. ‘The Wolfe Charm’. Their mother could charm people without even trying, or noticing. Cameron had learnt to take advantage of that, and Charlotte, he had said, had it too, and would definitely turn heads if she used it right. 

For lack of turning heads, she would try to hold her own, and if she could show her mother a thing or two about her daughter having grown up past the little angel she thought she was, then it was all for the better. She suspected Cameron regretted having ever told her that if the look on his face was any indication.

Once they all had food on their plates, every single one of them thought about starting a conversation, none of them knowing where to start. Cameron gave up once he noticed that neither pairs would actually pay attention to anything he would say.

“So, Elinor, how did you feel growing up with two doctors as parents?” Charlotte started with the sweetest tone. Bernie looked at her with a smile but Charlotte didn’t take her eyes off Elinor.

“I got a good grasp of… anatomy.” Elinor replied with a very flirtatious smile. Charlotte managed not to bat an eyelid.

“Elinor.” Serena hissed. This could turn very uncomfortable very quickly.

“No, that’s okay, she has a point.” Charlotte replied with a wide smile at Serena. Bernie frowned. How did they get from venom to honey this quickly?

“Any experience yourself?” Elinor asked, and this time Serena almost choke on her meat. Bernie pinched her lips and Cameron shot her a silent plea.

“Some.” She replied, not taking her eyes off Elinor, knowing her mother probably wanted the floor to swallow her. Cameron was next in line. She could hear Serena was still coughing. “I think if anything, our families have taught us to be… flexible.” She left a small pause, a hint of a grin on her lips. 

Bernie looked at Cameron who looked almost as desperate as she was at that point. She closed her eyes for a second and started swimming in embarrassment. Opening them again, she ran her hand up and down Serena’s back. She turned toward her and they exchanged a look of despair. What had they unleashed? Any attempt at stopping them would make it worse, and they knew it.

Elinor was starting to really enjoy this. She had expected Charlotte to be an easy prey she could make blush at will, but she fought back, and she really liked that. The fact that she was pretty to look at didn’t do anything to make her regret her decision.

“Any regrets about not going into medicine, being a surgeon?” Elinor’s question looked innocent enough and everyone around the room seemed to be at a loss but they feared the worst when they saw Charlotte grin.

“Not so much, nothing years of piano can’t make up for.” She could see a hint of shock in Elinor’s eyes. Probably didn’t think she’d go there. Her mother’s fork had hit her plate for what sounded like an impressive height and she was pretty sure she had heard a low whine coming from Cameron’s direction. “You?”

“I wish I’d thought of that, but you know what they say, practice makes perfect.” She smirked.

“Does, anyone, want, more, potatoes? Anyone?” Cameron asked, extending the plate forward, hoping to get the two girls to look away from one another for a second. There was no reaction.

“Actually…” Serena started, disregarding the fact that there were still enough of them on her plate. “Ellie, can you pass me the plate please?”

“Sure.” Ellie replied, managing to catch the plate and deliver it without looking away from Charlotte. She smirked at her and turned toward her mother, Bernie fearing the worst. She looked way too innocent.

“Wolfing it down, are you?” She dropped victoriously.

“Ellie…” There was a warning in Serena’s voice, and a blush on her cheeks. Bernie’s poker face was holding, for now, but Charlotte erupted in laughter, drawing attention to herself and away from Serena.

“Of all the times I’ve ever heard that line…” She started, looking fondly at her mother who could see she had something in mind. She knew the two of them were playing that game for their benefit, and Cameron had found himself caught in the middle. She suspected he had, over the years, given Charlotte enough tips that she would manage to hold her own like that, and it was just karma. 

They were still looking at their mothers but had had the same idea, leaning a little further in their chairs, Cameron muttering something to himself about priesthood.

Elinor had beaten Charlotte to it, her leg on the right side for their little plan to work, hers landing ‘accidentally’ off target. Bernie’s eyes closed the second she felt it, mostly in defeat, a note of amusement still. Charlotte, in her attempt to retaliate, managed to actually kick Serena in the shin.

“Girls, would you mind behaving at least until everyone finishes their plates.” Serena asked nicely, looking at Elinor with fondness rather than annoyance. It wasn’t going that badly. At least in comparison to how it had started.

“What did you plan next, finger food?” Elinor asked, seemingly innocently. Cameron choked on his food, making Charlotte laugh again. Bernie was happy to see her laugh this freely, she just wished it wasn’t in that kind of circumstance.

The room got quiet when Serena’s phone rang. Edward. She frowned. He hadn’t actually gotten around to say anything earlier in the day, why would he call now? It tempered the atmosphere a lot as she took the call, careful to keep her phone not too close to her ear.

“Edward?” She put her phone a little further from her ear and they could all hear him talking loudly, most likely drunk, making Serena wince every few words. After a while, Elinor all but grabbed the phone off her mother’s hand.

“Dad, it’s me. Leave Mum alone. She’s finally found someone who makes her happy, who’s a decent human being. You want to find someone in her circle to badmouth? Look a bit closer to home. In fact, look at home. There’s a mirror in the corridor that should be big enough.” She hung up as violently as is possible on a mobile phone and passed it back to Serena.

“I don’t know why you still let him treat you like that.” She said defensively, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“Thank you.” Serena said. They both knew what she was really thanking her for. Even if what she had said about Bernie had been to spite her father, Serena knew part of her truly believed it, and it was a victory. Everyone jumped when they heard Charlotte’s phone ring. She looked at it and sighed.

“Dad.” She looked at Cameron, then her mother, and Serena. “He called, drunk, earlier.” She explained to Elinor who nodded.

“What did you say?” Elinor asked.

“Nothing, we just let him talk, there’s no use.” Cameron replied.

“You’re serious?” She asked in disbelief.

“Steer clear and wait it out.” Charlotte stated.

“Give it to me.” Bernie asked, almost demanded, making Charlotte flinch. “Please.” She added more gently.

She hesitated a second then put him on speaker. Not having announced herself Bernie knew he thought he was talking to his daughter, and she snapped about two sentences in. They had all seen Elinor react and knew she would have intervened if Bernie hadn’t. 

Bernie’s steel voice impressed, and frightened, everyone in the room. Few had ever seen her with her team, never in a situation where discipline was that important that this part of her leadership skills came forward, but he had pushed her, them, too far.

They could hear absolute silence at the end of the line the second she started talking. Her words clipped, her shoulders tensed, clearly ill at ease, she let some beats of silence until she hung up.

She all but melted as she handed Charlotte’s phone back to her, Serena encouraging her to lean against her shoulder.

“If either of you need, there’s space enough in my flat, we can make it work, even just part time.” She said to Charlotte and Cameron. Cam reassured her, he had found a flat-share and would only be home for another week or so. Charlotte hesitated, and Bernie assured her the offer was always open, squeezing her hand gently but she withdrew it immediately.

“Dessert?” Serena suggested.

“Yes please.” Elinor sighed. Her mother turned toward her in disbelief.

“What? You didn’t bring me up to be disrespectful!” She pointed out. “It’s just an artistic choice most of the time.” She added, making her mother shake her head.

Cameron, who had been put in charge of the plates and cutlery again, headed for the table but Serena gestured toward the couch. She and Bernie took a corner, sitting close, practically on one another. Elinor, Charlotte and Cameron sat next to them, Charlotte effectively sandwiched between the two. 

They had just started eating when Cam noticed tears on his mother’s face, wondering whether what had happened earlier hadn’t affected her more than he had thought, but when she smiled he realised it was something else. He focused on the cake, looked at her, just asking: “Easter?” She looked up and nodded, whispering the story in Serena’s ear.

“Do we want to know?” Elinor asked with a wince.

“First memory. I remember Mum telling me a long time ago, when she gave me my first notebook. I noted that down so I could remember later, compare even.”

“She just gave me examples, not the first memories.” Charlotte said, almost a whisper.

“Well I did almost interrogate her.” He explained. “You?” He asked Elinor.

“Never detailed things. A few when she explained, and sometimes, when I was little, she would smile out of the blue and I’d ask why and she’d try to explain. But there was more pain than joy, at least that’s how I remember it.” 

Elinor looked at Bernie who was lost in Serena’s eyes, wondering how much she had been through, but also how much she had put her mother through. She remembered her mother telling her about how to limit the pain you felt and the pain you shared, how she and her soulmate had managed it. Despite that she knew some things transpired.

Trying to get the best out of the situation, lighten the mood again, Charlotte leaned ever so slightly against Elinor who seemed to notice and move so it wouldn’t be too uncomfortable. She saw Cameron rolling his eyes and taking another bite of the cake. Serena had moved so she had her lips to Bernie’s ear, both had their eyes closed, a bubble surrounding them. They talked back and forth in a hushed voice, about the evening, the impossibly irritating and yet lovable kids, and the disaster waiting to happen sitting right next to them. 

They knew those two were just playing along to try and piss them off but they had a feeling it might get out of hand and at least one of them might get their heart broken. They both had a feeling that it would be Charlotte, although Bernie had to admit she was rediscovering her daughter. They pondered about Cameron, unusually silent, torn between embarrassment and pride all evening.

Elinor turned toward Charlotte so she could whisper in her ear. “I dare you to kiss me when you get a shot later.” Then looked her in the eye with a smirk. Charlotte gestured so she would turn, the position hardly ideal for their kind of exchange, her lips so close to her ear that she could feel her hair brushing past her nose. “If you want a kiss from me you’re going to have to come get it.” 

There was a dare in Charlotte’s eyes that appealed to Elinor’s spirit of competition. She was starting to like her, which was a terrible idea on so many levels, but if she was as cheeky as their little conversation earlier hinted at, then they might both get something out of this.

Charlotte was a bit surprised by how comfortable she was with that situation. Her brain had disregarded the fact that Elinor was a woman, as it happened to have done a couple times before with mixed results, had managed to hold her own against someone who was clearly a champion at all things charming and flirting, and was now all but nestled against her, on her mother’s couch, in front of her own mother, who didn’t seem to mind, and her brother who did mind but it didn’t really matter. And she’d probably get a kiss out of it. This was not really how she’d pictured the evening going, but she wasn’t complaining so far.

“I was going to suggest something but I think we might want to wait until we have both sides to do that.” Serena said, puzzling everyone but Bernie who grinned and got up, disappearing upstairs for a moment before coming back with photo albums she had packed at the bottom of her bag. She heard two low whines, a third joining them as Serena reached for her own. It was payback time, and they knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: Some more family moments, some talking, some not-talking, lots of Feels. Seriously, get ready for Feels!


	5. The doctor will see you now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie and Serena go through old memories and make new ones, connecting both sides of their story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks once more to DaisyDoctor13, for everything!! Thanks to all those who left comments, you made my day!!
> 
> There’ll be more family shenanigans later. (Girl power vs. ‘I can’t believe you’re doing this what did I do to deserve this’ long-suffering brother power)
> 
> PSA: Rogue Feels toward the end.
> 
> Also: I’m using Bernie’s full name here for more than one reason (well, one is pretty clear already!)

Bernie and Serena exchanged a look, not sure how to go about this. Both of their albums were in chronological order with dates neatly attached. They decided to draw a parallel, putting Cameron on the spot to start with.

“Where were you, by the way?” Serena asked. She remembered something past the pain that didn’t seem to make sense.

“Cargo plane on the way home.” Cameron replied. “I’ve heard this story more times than I wish I’d been present for.” He groaned, making Elinor laugh. Her mother looked at her and she knew she’d regret it later.

Bernie and Serena were back to whispering to one another on some pictures, either too embarrassed to share, or too personal a moment. Bernie spared Cameron a couple anecdotes, knowing he’d had enough to deal with through the evening. She and Serena could always go back to that later.

They ended up putting the albums side by side on the coffee table.

“You didn’t tell me where *you* were. I never managed to figure it out.” Bernie wondered, the youngest picture of Elinor showing her blissfully asleep wrapped in an hospital blanket.

“Trapped in the hospital elevator.” She groaned.

“Alone?” Bernie looked at her in horror. That did explain a few things.

“Not really.” Serena replied, looking her in the eye. They got lost there for a moment, Cameron and Elinor sharing a look and sneakily trying to skip a few pages.

“I saw that.” Bernie said, turning to Cameron who looked like he had aged twenty years over the course of the evening. She turned back the pages of both albums, Serena’s eyes never leaving her.

“Are they always like that?” Elinor asked the two siblings. Charlotte shrugged, she had barely seen more than Elinor had. Cameron sighed as he nodded. “We’re really going to have to work together to survive.” She added, ignoring Cameron and looking back to Charlotte. Cameron knew he would end up siding them them eventually. He caught the look their mothers shared, happy they got along even if it was in that state of mind.

 

 

They didn’t go very far in the album, barely reaching Charlotte’s second birthday, when they all realised that Bernie and Serena had to process it all before talking about any of it could be bearable for any of them. Their long silences and cheeky grins made the children uneasy, and the tension was starting to settle in again. The three of them were glad that their respective bond were not nearly as strong as their mothers’.

Cam’s had flowed almost seamlessly since it had started, shortly after his mother gave him the notebook. He had talked to her, at first, before it got too personal. It wasn’t a deep bond, but one he couldn’t picture living without. He understood, to some extent.

Charlotte had had a lot more trouble, it had been a bumpy road at first, and she had refused to talk to anyone about it. There was still a distance there, but it was slowly bridged and she was glad for it. She didn’t understand, but seeing it happen was enough, for now.

Elinor’s general recklessness had led her own soulmate to block out a lot and she hadn’t tried to reach out, trying to get her independence on that front too. She was starting to wonder what she might be missing, but not enough to make an effort.

Trying to break the tension, Cameron collected the plates and spoons and went to put them in the kitchen, his mother frowning in surprise.

“Did this just happen?” She asked Charlotte in disbelief. Charlotte nodded, pinching her lips.

“Not the only rebel then?” Elinor asked.

“Fairly sure it’s a different kind of rebellion.” Serena replied with a bit of a warning tone.

Charlotte was trying to put her own rebellious streak forward but knew better than to try put her feet on the table, putting her arm around Elinor instead in a seemingly unassuming manner that had their mothers sharing a look. They didn’t stop them, knew there was no point, that it would only encourage them.

“I go away one minute… !” Cameron exclaimed before sitting down again, trying to sit as far from his sister as possible, which was difficult given how little space there was.

 

 

 

Serena suddenly frowned and picked up Bernie’s album, leafing through it quickly, trying to find something specific, refusing to let Bernie help. She beamed when she found what she had been looking for. She put the album down, open at the right page, revealing half a dozen pictures of Bernie in fatigues, with a combination of the children, Marcus most likely the one taking the pictures.

“I remember this.” Serena said, looking at Bernie, knowing from the date that she was right. She remembered the relief of being home, alive, the joy of holding her children again. They all saw tears in Bernie’s eyes and she held Serena close for a moment.

Elinor suddenly understood. For all the pain they couldn’t stop, Bernie had made sure to share every meaningful, strong, moment with her mother, everything that mattered, every crumb of happiness, the contrast helping to balance the pain. A very small part of her wanted to hug her. The rest just wanted to roll her eyes and try and find something in the album that could hold a similar intensity.

Her mother had always lived life to the fullest, something Elinor herself knew she could be taking a little too far, whereas Bernie’s life had filled itself with powerful moments that had sneaked up on her. They were complementary in that, too.

Looking at them sharing that moment was uncomfortable, it wasn’t right. Elinor turned toward Charlotte, then Cameron, and they all got up, Elinor gallantly helping Charlotte making her brother roll his eyes. Serena and Bernie got the hint and got up too.

 

 

 

They were putting their coats on, Bernie about to thank them when she noticed a small pause, the two girls exchanging a look. She shot a silent question at Serena and got the answer quicker than she’d expected as Elinor all but launched herself at Charlotte, who happily let her.

“Mum please, do something.” Cameron pleaded, surprised when his mother grinned.

“I think this is payback for you too. And she’s old enough to know what she wants.” Bernie pointed out. Cameron pouted.

“25, going on 4.” She looked at Serena who smiled, noticing Bernie was trying very hard not to look at their entangled daughters. They seemed to wait for a reaction to stop kissing. Cameron had taken his phone out to take a picture, and Bernie had thought of stopping him but decided against it.

“I know we’re both doctors here, and that your brother is well on his way there, too, but I think neither cardiac arrest not asphyxia are going to help the current situation.” Serena said lightly, a hint of a smile in her voice. Elinor took a tenth of a step back, and Charlotte looked offended.

“Was the wall strictly necessary?” Elinor had almost slammed her against it.

“I don’t do things halfway.” Elinor replied with a smug grin, about to turn around when Charlotte gripped the lapel of her coat and kissed her. Bernie dropped her head to Serena’s shoulder who chuckled.

“I think they’re actually genuinely enjoying themselves.” She pointed out teasingly.

“Yeah, we really should be happy with that, aren’t you happy with that?” Bernie replied, knowing where Serena was going.

“Oh, yeah, more than happy, they get on much better than we could have expected, don’t they?”

“Definitely, and being themselves, too, not holding back.” Their grins were widening, Cameron was trying to remember if he still had any aspirin in his room.

 

 

The girls were still kissing, but they could all notice something had shifted. Maybe it was because Charlotte had initiated it, or maybe a way to react to their mothers calling them on their little game. Or maybe they were genuinely lost in what they were doing.

“You’d never have let me do that.” Cameron suddenly said, accusatory. Bernie thought for a moment.

“You’re probably right. Guess it’s never too late to teach an old dog new tricks.” She smiled. “Look on the bright side.”

“What bright side?” He asked.

“As a big brother you’ll be forever torn between protecting her and encouraging her.” Bernie replied matter-of-factly.

“How is that a bright side?” He replied, offended.

“Well, I have a feeling that her behaviour tonight has a lot to do with you.” Bernie’s voice was stern with just a hint of mockery.

“Hey, it’s not our fault if we inherited your charm! Contrarily to you we just learnt how to use it!” He replied.

Serena was watching the exchange with a large smile on her face, enjoying Bernie’s face journey from surprised, to offended, to mock offended, to how-dare-you, to shit-you’re-right, to what-did-i-do-to-deserve-this. Serena had to admit there was something to Bernie that she couldn’t quite describe, something that went way past their bond, and she was more than comfortable falling for that, too.

The three of them were locked in a kind of staring contest, temporarily forgetting about the girls who had actually stopped kissing. Elinor was typing her number in Charlotte’s phone, away from prying eyes. This wasn’t the end, and they knew it.

“Are you done yet?” Elinor asked, making Charlotte laugh.

“Are you all okay heading home?” Bernie asked. Elinor shrugged, Cameron nodded, Charlotte looked at him and nodded in turn. “Thank you.” She looked at all three of them in turn, clearly emotional. She could tell Charlotte wouldn’t let her close again, Cameron just wanted out as soon as he could, and Elinor was looking at her mother who thanked her under her breath. There were no effusion, a feeling of emptiness as they left.

 

 

 

Once he was sitting in his car, Cameron took out his phone and started typing a text.

“Survived. No heads bitten off that didn’t get reattached. (except our fathers but they deserved it). Will never be able to look at my sister the same way though. I’ll explain. Good night. -Cam.”

“I’m glad, it can’t have been easy. Good night -Morven.”

 

 

 

“Could have been worse.” Serena said, Bernie looking at her. “Just can’t really think how right now.” Serena admitted, quite a few things had gone wrong, it could have been worse in as much as they had at least left still talking to one another, but it had been a bumpy ride.

“Well at least they’re talking to us.” Bernie pointed out, not quite believing it herself. Serena looked at her, smiling.

“I really love that positive side of you.”

“All you.” Bernie echoed what she had said earlier. “That cake helped, too.” She smirked. “Those two though…” She added after a while as they headed back to the kitchen.

“We’ll have to keep an eye on them.” Serena agreed.

“Since when has it worked with Elinor?” Bernie asked, surprised at the look Serena shot her. “You channel your annoyance pretty clearly.” Bernie smirked. “And Charlotte just started talking to me again, I don’t think there’s much I can do.”

“There’s always Cameron.” Serena pointed out.

“I think he’s scarred for life.” Bernie laughed. “We all are.” She winced.

“That’s Elinor for you.” Serena sighed.

“I wonder where she gets that from.” Bernie smirked, Serena looking at her wide eyed. “Strong-willed, knows what she wants and does whatever it takes to get it, can wrap whoever she wants around her little finger, should I go on?” Bernie teased.

“Yes, and the doe eyes, apparent innocence, and sense of repartee of your darling Charlotte are entirely yours.” Serena reciprocated, inching closer.

“And proud. Well, most of it anyway.” Bernie winced in recollection.

“You’re probably a little more subtle though.” Serena replied. Bernie winced again before grinning.

“Is that an invitation?” Bernie asked, a hint of mischief in her eye.

“Do your worst.” Serena’s eyes reflecting the same thing.

That was new, but the idea appealed to them both. It might just help bridge that awkward distance they were still somewhat keeping between their soulmate and their physical manifestation. Nothing quite like flirting and getting immediate feedback!

 

 

 

They went back to the couch with another serving of chocolate cake, spoons battling over the last slice.

“Do you think we can make this work?” Bernie’s voice was shy, hesitant, Serena’s spoon freezing in mid air, turning to her, concerned.

“You have the weirdest way of flirting of everyone I’ve ever met.” She shot her a small smile but she could tell Bernie wasn’t kidding. “Bernie… Berenice, we can do this, together. It’s probably not going to be easy, but we’ve gone through worse together.” She looked at Bernie in the eye and offered the content of her spoon to her. It seemed to reassure her. “I know what you’re thinking, we have to fight on so many fronts, but I think the kids will be okay, for now. We more or less tackled the ex-husbands, work is willing to cut us some slack, all that’s left, for now, is just us.” Bernie nodded.

“That’s… that’s what scares me.” She admitted, looking away. Turned out she was still terrible at talking about feelings even if she could share them at the same time.

“Berenice?” Serena wanted Bernie to look at her, didn’t want to force her, and felt like using her full name helped connect with her, or maybe it was just the element of surprise.

Bernie faced her and she could see the doubt in her eyes. Serena decided to do the only thing that made sense in a moment like this. She stroke the side of her face, waiting for her to close her eyes to close hers and share the whirlwind of feelings in her own mind. She was scared too, scared of messing it up, but most of all scared of losing her, because there was so much more at stake now, and she couldn’t live with the idea of them being truly apart.

Bernie was a part of her she couldn’t live without, and she didn’t know how to make her understand that. But she had hope, too, every time she saw her, saw her smile, saw her move, look at her, it was a reminder of their luck, of the happiness they had built over the years that had culminated to where they were, together. What Elinor had said about Bernie’s affair had struck a chord, and she believed every word of her answer, unable to explain it to her daughter.

She remembered the uneasiness that had turned to discomfort and skin-crawling reject, remembered the self-deprecation hidden behind the bravado, remembered the despair, the pain, as much emotional as physical, the desperate attempt at bridging those gaps, tainted with guilt at every step, remembered waking in the middle of the night, tears on her face, doubt overpowering. The mix of a sense of duty and self-loathing had, over time, led her to put the pieces together, sensing the two different relationships Bernie had been in, able to draw her own conclusions.

It had led her to understanding the how, the why, wondering how someone she knew to be so strong and resilient could be brought to the brink, pushed so far that she broke that rule of loyalty that had helped her hold her head high all these years. She understood, and understood, too, Bernie’s willingness to take in every reproach thrown her way, not thinking herself worthy of defending herself.

She remembered a younger Bernie so sure of herself who had helped her when she had to fight her way in a world of patronising misogynists. The army had helped her, but her marriage had sapped almost every effort, her children unveiling yet another, more vulnerable, tamer, side of her.

Now she was faced with a middle aged ex-RAMC army medic who didn’t trust herself not to mess up a budding relationship. She would have to draw her out of shell, and prove to her she didn’t need one, not anymore, but she wasn’t strong enough to do it on her own, it couldn’t be a one sided fight.

She opened her eyes when she felt Bernie do it too, looking into her eyes, seeing a stability there, a willingness to make it work. For her. It wasn’t what Serena was looking for, she wanted this to go both ways, but she’d take that, for now, until she could manage to convince Bernie that she deserved this, too.

 

 

 

They fought a little harder for what was left of the cake, each left to their own thoughts. Bernie let Serena have the last piece, but Serena cut it in half and gave her half of it.

“We’re in this together.” She said.

“I heard you.” Bernie said gently with a reassuring smile.

Serena was fairly certain she would melt if Bernie looked at her like this for too long. Bernie was looking at her, really looking at her, as if trying to commit every detail to memory. She let the tips of her fingers run across her face and Serena bit her lip. She knew what Bernie was doing, tempted to mirror her actions, but too flustered by what was happening to dare move, not wanting to break the moment.

That was the one drawback of a relationship like theirs, being only privy to mind and not body. They had to rediscover everything, the intricacies of the other, their image, their body, come to term with their physical existence.

Serena wanted to close her eyes, not just to share what she felt but to fully enjoy every detail, know from the intensity in Bernie’s eyes that she would hear an echo of what she was feeling, not ready for the strength that hit her with full force. More caring than Serena had ever felt, hints of curiosity and surprise, a desire to learn, and, what shocked her most without coming as a surprise, a desire that echoed with hers in an almost painful way.

She felt Bernie stop and opened her eyes again. She realised she wasn’t asking for permission, she knew neither of them were ready to go any further than that, so she retaliated, brushing the fringe aside, exploring, doing her best not to fall feet first in Bernie’s dark eyes. They were playing a dangerous game and neither of them knew the rules.

 

 

They were, thankfully, interrupted, by a text alert from Serena’s phone. She feared the worst but relaxed when she saw it was from Raf. He would have called if it had been an emergency.

“I kissed him. The world didn’t fall apart, but mine did.” She frowned, not entirely sure what to make of it, how to interpret it. She showed it to Bernie.

“Wouldn’t there have been … at the end if it had gone badly?” She offered helpfully. A second text shed some light on the matter.

“We’re rebuilding it together now.” The two women shared a large grin.

“Good luck. Tell Evie she owes me a few hugs!” Serena replied cheekily.

“Will do. Good luck to you!”

Bernie shot Serena a victorious smile.

“You know, what you said the other day really did get to them, I think.” Serena said. They’d been trying to get those two to give in for ages, and all it had taken was a few wise words from someone on the outside.

“Glad to be of service. If only I could also have a dissuasive effect so that at least one of us won’t have to deal with a sulky heartbroken daughter…” Bernie sighed.

“They’re old enough to know what they’re doing.” Serena said reassuringly. Bernie shot her a look.

“They’re old enough to not know what they’re doing, be aware of it, and do it anyway.” Bernie replied, making Serena laugh. “I’m fairly sure there has been moments when you followed that rule, too!” Bernie pointed out. She could remember quite a few very vividly. Serena bit her lip.

“I have no idea what you mean!” Serena replied mock-offended.

“Oh really! Because it took you bloody long enough to figure out how to block *that*” Bernie could remember a number of time when she had found herself trying her best to block the near endless flow going her way. There had been a few particularly uncomfortable moments, a really vivid one at a party where she already felt out of place and had ended up leaving early. Serena seemed to follow her train of thought.

“That… would have been in Stepney. Yes. I’m sorry.” Serena looked a little sheepish. “It took me a while to realise just how little I blocked.”

“And by how little you mean absolutely nothing, don’t you?” Bernie reproached her.

“Well, pain is a lot easier to block than pleasure, because it’s instinctively something you yourself don’t want so you don’t share it.”

“Could you have chosen worse timing though?” Bernie had meant to be serious but laughed in recollection. Serena waited for her to elaborate.

“The first three times I was alone with Marcus. All three. I have to give it to him, he was persistent!”

“So the man does have some good sense.” Serena replied, deciding that flirting was appropriate in a conversation like that. “Anything else?”

“Oh. Yes. Would you mind explaining what you were doing having sex for, who knows how long, in the middle of one of my exams.” Bernie asked, blushing slightly. It had taken every ounce of control for her to pull through that. She had done quite well but cursed her soulmate for weeks, making her friends laugh for at least as much.

“Well, either you were discreet, or you lived like a nun until you managed to control it.” Serena pointed out. She barely remembered anything, and it had been just fragments, never at inopportune times, which would make sense if she herself had gotten in the way.

“Well, you started earlier than me, and by the time I got there I had learnt a valuable lesson: compartmentalise!” She teased.

“There is a whole period that I resent you a little bit for though.” She said teasingly, wanting to make sure Bernie knew it wasn’t an accusation. “Because in terms of timing, I could have used a warning during board meetings and consultations.” She continued. Bernie frowned. “Whoever you were with, in the desert, was clearly very good, and you two had a tendency to take advantage of odd available moments at seemingly random times.” She teased, making Bernie blush.

“I… I didn’t realise. I… I’m so sorry!”

“That’s alright.” Serena smiled, the look on Bernie’s face incredibly enjoyable. She had a feeling making her blush would become a guilty pleasure. “You shared a lot right about then, that’s why I understand more than I would have otherwise. Psychologically, letting go probably did you some good. Probably did physically, too.” She grinned, not wanting Bernie to feel like she was putting her on the spot. She could see Bernie try to find a way to retaliate.

“Oh, also, was that just shitty timing, or did you make a point of having sex and sharing every possible detail on my wedding night?” Bernie asked. She had been wondering about that for a very long time, bothered by it at the time.

“No, that… that was just poor timing. I only realised the next day when I added two and two together. Did you manage to block it?”

“Thankfully yes, because I’m fairly sure it would have been really awkward for all those involved.” Bernie laughed but there was something stilted about it. Looking back, she wasn’t entirely sure she had managed to block it both ways…

“Seriously, I get the ‘enjoy life to the fullest’ motto, but, with your studies, and everything, your social life of which I’m fairly sure you had a large one, how… how did you even manage to…” Bernie was baffled. She remembered waking up from accidental naps on her notes and finding herself awake all night because if she started falling asleep she couldn’t block it and it came back…

“Why did you never… share something, to make me stop?” Serena realised.

“I tried!” Bernie exclaimed. “I did! Repeatedly! But you were… otherwise engaged.”

 

 

There was a long silence. Recalling those moments was one thing, but recalling the details, with the other, in the flesh, next to them, was starting to be uncomfortable. It was one thing to be able to navigate the other’s house in the dark, but bodies… the thought crossed both of their minds at the same time and they looked away, not entirely sure what the other could read in their eyes.

“I have a question.” Serena suddenly spoke up, and Bernie turned toward her, a little afraid. “How can you handle your drink this well? Because I’m fairly sure you could drink everyone I know under the table!” She exclaimed.

“Army and the right metabolism.” Bernie shrugged. She had memories of drunk Serena and it made her chuckle. What she shared in those moments had always made her smile.

“So the army kept you fit inside and out!”

“Well, I haven’t done any kind of training since my operation.” She explained. She felt a bit bad about that, hadn’t pushed herself past physio, just the occasional run, mostly to clear her head. “I… I hope you didn’t get too much pain from that, the whole IED and… I mean I lost consciousness a few times so I don’t know how the pain ‘acted’.”

“Bits of it seeped through, but I could tell there was much, much more.” Serena said, squeezing her hand. She had almost lost her, and to think she had been in the same building…

They cleaned up, left the photo album on the coffee table, and went upstairs.

 

 

 

They got ready for bed awkwardly, Bernie knowing Serena’s habits, knowing where everything was, while at the same time neither of them having any clue how to navigate around one another.

Facing one another, an arm length apart, the low light of bedside lamps shading their faces and hiding part of what they felt, they were both at a loss. Bernie reached out first, Serena meeting her halfway, entangling their fingers. The idea of sleeping in the other’s arms suddenly too much, being more and more aware of the other, mind and body.

They dozed off lightly, light still on, woke up less than half an hour later, hands still clasped together but having met in the middle of the bed, close enough for Serena’s breath to disturb stray blond hair. They let their hands go, Bernie biting her lip, Serena’s eyes on it. Bernie stopped the second she noticed, their eyes meeting. She sighed, and took Serena’s hand in hers again, closing her eyes. Serena did the same.

She traced small circles on her skin, widening them a little bit, waiting for Serena to let go. The idea was that they could both share, both feel both ends of the exchange, but dissociate them still. They fell asleep as Bernie’s fingers were ghosting over Serena’s wrist.

 

 

 

When they woke up in the morning Bernie hadn’t moved but Serena had found herself in her arms and she didn’t want to disturb her. She could tell she was almost awake, some feelings seeping through. Warmth, comfort, and a tinge of attraction that resonated with hers in a way she feared might wake her. She opened her eyes but heard Serena let out a small disapproving moan and she closed them again.

She could feel something, she couldn’t quite understand, or explain, at first. It was a kind of sensory flirting. Neither of them had ever used their bond like that, a real dialogue instead of just sharing. It was somewhere between an arm wrestle, and an intense stare off. Possibly both.

Feeling the other so close made them want to reach out, but they were aware of the rules they had not consciously made. It wasn’t so much a matter of strength as it was one of creativity, of knowing the other so implicitly you could outsmart them in a wink and find yourself taken over in turn.

 

 

 

It gave Bernie an idea. She put a finger on her pulse point, and shared as much of that as she could, both sides of it, and felt Serena being a bit thrown off. Bernie felt her hand reaching toward her, brushing past her neck to replace her fingers. She understood. She mirrored the process, and it helped.

It was simple, really, sharing their own contact to have a control group, of sorts, before letting the other initiate the same contact. A simple touch could help. The problem, when they touched, when they kissed, wasn’t so much that there was too much feedback, but that the osmosis meant they had trouble telling them apart. They could embrace what it made the other feel, but the interaction with their own body was something they needed to distance themselves from.

It made sense, now that they had tried. Putting it in application was a bit trickier. Serena ran her hand up and down Bernie’s neck lightly, feeling her shiver. It worked until it didn’t. Bernie wasn’t holding back and Serena hadn’t been ready for the intensity of what she felt.

She felt Bernie move to cup her face, lightly, brushing her cheeks with her thumbs, feeling Serena lean in. She channelled as much of it as she could, Serena matching her piece by piece until they had found a balance. It was light, but it was there.

One of Bernie’s hands went to get lost in Serena’s hair, and even the slight moan Serena let out didn’t disturb the fragile balance, threatening it as she turned to kiss Bernie’s wrist. Bernie whispered Serena’s name and felt the balance tip. It took a lot of conscious effort to restore it.

“Please don’t do that again.” Serena almost begged, making Bernie laugh, the balance feeling sturdier all of a sudden.

“Alright, Ms Campbell.” Bernie whispered, clearly flirtatious. The balance held this time. She felt Serena’s hands sneak around her waist and her grasp slip but Serena caught her.

“Alright there, Berenice.” Serena’s tone was a bit smug, and there was something in the way she said her name that had Bernie’s heart go rogue.

Bernie felt Serena’s hands snake up her back and lost herself in the feeling. It held. Bernie kissed her, her hands still in her hair and stopped moving for a second. They knew, they both knew, that the slightest false move would have them both fall in the whirlwind that threatened to take over their subtle control. Serena moved first, holding Bernie close. And it held, again, and again, and again. She felt Bernie’s cheeks covered in tears, she wasn’t sure whose they were.

“Serena.” It was almost a plea, for her to stop, for her to keep going, for her to never leave, for her to understand. A plea for her.

“Berenice.” Serena was out of breath and had, at least for now, decided to stick to her full name, noticing her heart racing a little more every time.

 

 

 

Serena felt like she was rediscovering her, not just her body but the way she thought, how and where what she shared came from, and it was breathtaking. She was in her arms, physically there, not just within reach but actually there, her breath, a little erratic, meeting hers, her fingers tangled in her short hair, the muscles of her back tensing under her fingers, her strength relinquished for a softness that was almost too much to take.

“Serena.” Her name was the only thing that could pass Bernie’s lips, neither her words nor their bond strong enough to channel the rest. It was almost too much, so close to too much that she could almost feel the burn consuming her already, but it made her feel more alive than she had in such a long time. She kissed her again, voluntarily losing herself in the feeling, feeling Serena do the same. And it held.

They had found their balance, their limit. It was barely there, too faint still, making every contact torturous, because it was so good, called for more. Serena wanted to feel the skin of Bernie’s back, her fingers caught in the cotton of her t-shirt. Bernie wanted to let her hands fall from Serena’s hair, along her face, her neck, reach her collarbone, lower if she dared.

“Trust me?” Serena asked, eyes still close, against Bernie’s lips. All Bernie could do was kiss her. She was out of words, knowing that even in a normal situation she would have trouble phrasing the answer to that with powerful enough words. She knew what Serena wanted to do, test their limits, lean on until the balance tipped and they fell together.

Serena’s fingers against her skin were almost enough. Her fingers on her neck were almost enough. Their kiss, more passionate even that before, was almost enough. They opened their eyes together, knowing the bond was too strong to disappear in a moment like this.

Looking at the other, breaking the kiss and relearning every detail, engraving the slightest one in their memory, made it wobble. Their names, whispered so close to their lips they merged in a sigh, had them close their eyes again, feeling their control slip. They held onto the other, knowing they weren’t strong enough to fight it now, not yet.

Holding one another close, a good distance from any exposed skin, they fell asleep again, Serena’s name on Bernie’s lips like a mantra that kept her grounded, a name she had dreamt of knowing, learning, worshipping, for longer than she could express.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did say there would be Feels…


	6. In Hindsight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family matters and a walk on the beach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments, and thanks again to DaisyDoctor13 for her support, and feeding the plotbunnies behind my back!
> 
> This chapter is all about memories and family (and more headcanons than I thought I had!). And some sappiness because I can’t stop myself apparently. This is a relatively slow chapter, with the hints of the subplots I intend to start developing in the next few chapters. Some of the characters are in dire needs of hugs, though!

Serena woke up first, faced with a small dreamy smile, blond hair sticking out in all directions, and constellations of freckles she wanted to learn until she could trace them in the dark. She didn’t want to move, couldn’t have even if she’d wanted to. She wasn’t entirely sure how, but they were entangled close enough that moving away would require a combined effort. Closing her eyes, she could feel Bernie slowly waking up. Bernie opened one eye, then closed it again, pressing her forehead to Serena’s, making her chuckle.

“I haven’t slept in like that in so long I can’t even give you an approximative date.” Serena whispered.

“I think I could.” Bernie mumbled. “But it doesn’t matter. I could get used to this.”

“I always thought you were an early bird.” Serena teased.

“I am, but my sun isn’t up yet.” Bernie replied with a grin, making Serena blush.

“Well your sun needs some coffee, so if you wouldn’t mind.” Serena pushed her playfully, managing to free part of her limbs. Just as she was about to recover the missing piece of her leg, she felt Bernie move, rolling them to the side until she was on top of her, victorious grin on her face. She kissed her, very lightly, very gently, making sure she wouldn’t give her any ideas, and moved aside.

“Calling dibs on the shower!” She exclaimed, making Serena shake her head with a huge smile on her face.

She felt like she had missed this, even though it hadn’t happened before, like it was always meant to get there. Like she would never get enough of it. In the meantime, starting the coffee might be a good idea, she wouldn’t be able to keep up with Bernie very long if she had this much energy before she even got out of bed!

 

Cameron’s break came at just the right time. He needed a moment to process everything, not just what he was being taught but the extra surge of energy on the ward. Some of it was making him uncomfortable. He checked his phone to see he had a message from Morven. She was on the roof if he wanted to meet her. She had only sent it a few minutes before, she would probably still be there.

“Are you alright?” He asked, concerned. There was clearly something wrong, but he didn’t want her to think he was prying. She looked at him and he wasn’t sure what to make of the look on her face.

“The whole situation with your mum and Serena is a bit taxing.” She replied gently. She saw him cringe. “I know it must be impossible for you to be stuck between them, too…”

“It’s not that bad, I mean they’re not on the ward. Other than yesterday’s reunion I don’t think I’ll be that exposed, for now.” He smiled. “It must be odd for you, though. You’re clearly close to Serena… She’s very protective of you, I think.” He added gently.

“Yes, well, they all are.” She sighed. “That’s kind of the problem.” There was a kind of bitterness in her voice that he couldn’t quite understand. She looked at him and decided she might as well explain, didn’t want him to find out any other way and avoid her from then on. She took a deep breath and looked away; the horizon was blurry, full of clouds that seemed to echo what she felt at the moment.

“I found my soulmate, here in the hospital. It was…” She didn’t finish, there were no words, and she didn’t think Cameron needed any. He didn’t interrupt her, which she was glad for. “It was going great. We got married. And then…” Her sentence trailed off, tears in her voice. She felt a gentle pressure on her shoulder but didn’t turn, couldn’t. “He died. Cancer. Everyone was there for us when we met, through everything, they were by my side when…” She explained. There were tears in her eyes when she turned toward him again.

“I’ve seen the looks they shoot me, Cameron. Ever since they realised. People avoid me, stop talking whenever I walk in the room. I’m really, really happy for Serena, but the way it happened…” She didn’t finish her sentence, not quite sure what to say. She could tell Cameron wasn’t going to jump and run away.

“Hurt?” He offered gently. She nodded.

“She deserves it, Cameron. So much. As does your mum, we’ve all see what Serena’s gone through, who knows what it was like on the other side of things.” She mused. “But yes, I want to put it to rest. I wouldn’t say move on, I don’t think it’s possible, I’m not sure I want to find out, but they’re not making it easy for me. If anything it brings back memories, good ones, but it’s tainted every time I see pity in their eyes.” She gritted her teeth, fighting tears that were partly anger. He nodded gently. He wished he had known, but maybe the fact that he hadn’t had had helped them connect. “At some point I’m going to snap.” She admitted. “Tell them to get lost, that Arthur wouldn’t have wanted this. He was family, to Serena, it just feels so…”

“Unfair?” Cameron offered again. She nodded with a small smile.

“What annoys me is that I know Serena wouldn’t let it happen like that. She looks out for me, but knows not to shield me too much. And I know if she were there they wouldn’t be acting like this either.” She huffed in frustration.

“Can I suggest something?” Cameron asked and her eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Initiate the conversation, talk to whoever’s avoiding you about it, share that joy you feel, that’s probably the only way they’ll get it, and it would help you, too, I think.”

“You’re right. Thank you. I’m sorry about…” She gestured vaguely but he shook his head.

“That’s alright, really.” He smiled.

“So, what happened last night?” She changed the subject and made him wince.

“Do you want the short or the long version?” He asked, sighing.

“I think we only have time for the short right now, but we can fill in the gaps later.” She smiled.

“Alright, so, the really, really short version is this: my Mum and Serena are… pretty much an extension of the other at this point, but it’s not unbearable, not yet anyway, it’s just kind of… touching.” He started and she nodded. He was trying to be careful, but he meant well. “Elinor…” He started, wincing. “The face off with Mum was… something.” He wasn’t sure which word could fit there. “Charlie did speak up a bit though. And I even got Mum and Charlie to hug, and at the end of the evening we were all talking, so that’s that.” He finished. She shot him a genuine large smile. “And then there’s the fact that Elinor and Charlie spent the whole meal flirting via innuendos, and ended the evening by snogging.” He groaned. He saw the surprise on Morven’s face. “Yeah, it was… it was a long evening.” She laughed.

“She’s always been a bit… wild.” Morven admitted.

“Yes, well, I’d never seen Charlie like that. I know they did it to spite Mum and Serena, but… There are things I don’t want to hear!” She laughed again. He filled in the gaps, the calls from their respective fathers, the photo album, the chocolate cake. She could tell he was happy, despite how awkward some of the evening had been. “It was like rediscovering her.” He admitted with a smile.

“Getting sappy, are we?” She teased.

“Morven, at some point, Mum was preparing something, Serena was a little way away, and instead of calling her, she tasted it, shared it, and Serena asked her to put more salt.” He said pointedly, making her laugh even more than before. She couldn’t remember the last time she had laughed this freely. “The way she looks at Serena…” He paused. “It’s a mix of endless admiration, a thousand apologies and… and…” He couldn’t find the words. Morven put her hand on his arm.

“I get it.” She smiled. He was about to apologise but she shook her head.

“Wait!” He said as they were about to get up, taking his phone out of his pocket. “I took a few pictures.” They stood close, what little sun came between the clouds landing at just the wrong angle on the screen.

“You’d better hope none of those make it on to the ward, or you’re done for.” She grinned. “Thanks for showing them to me. And sharing this.” She smiled. She knew it meant a lot to him, knew, too, that there probably were few people he could talk to.

“You’re welcome! I’m glad it cheered you up a bit!” He smiled, knowing better than to mention the weight of their previous conversation. “Ready to glare your way through the rest of the day?” He asked. She groaned and hung her head and he smiled. “Come on, they’ll get the wrong idea if we disappear too long.” He said, making a point of making his tone as disapproving as possible as opposed to the teasing he would normally use in that kind of conversation. They exchanged a look, knowing full well that Serena would kill him on sight.

 

  
By the time Serena got out of the shower two steaming mugs of coffee were waiting for her on the table, Bernie’s almost half empty already. She was ahead already, how was Serena supposed to keep up? Bernie was looking through the cupboards, not so much because she didn’t know what they had in it, but fishing for ideas. Serena opened two strategically filled cupboards and looked at her with a slight smile. She was about to reach for its content but Bernie beat her to it, and she was left with nothing to carry.

“Where do you get that energy from?” She asked, taking a few sips of coffee. It was good, but it wasn’t good enough to give her that much of a kick.

She saw Bernie slow down for a while, come closer and kiss her. Serena felt a large colony of butterfly trying to migrate out of her stomach.

“Solar powered.” She smiled shyly before going to get something from the fridge, hiding her slight blush. Serena shook her head with a fond smile. How had she even been able to live so far away from her? And how could she be both this cute and infuriating? No amount of sharing could have prepared her for that!

They spent most of breakfast eating in silence, their eyes locked, jam randomly escaping their toast and landing on their plates.

“What do you want to do today?” Bernie asked with a very very soft voice that made Serena’s brain melt, rendering it useless for a little bit.

“I… You?” She managed. That hadn’t come out the way she had planned. Bernie didn’t seem to notice.

“I was thinking of something, I noticed in the pictures last night, I think we both went to the same part of the coast with the children? We could go there, the weather isn’t too bad. Well, it won’t rain anyway.” She suggested. Serena nodded, Bernie’s voice had started sounding a little less like melted marshmallows and her brain was starting to catch up.

They spent the next half hour preparing a picnic, a mix and match of what they had on hand, the reserve of baby tomatoes diminishing quickly. Serena caught Bernie stealing one at regular intervals.

“Like mother like son.” She teased. Bernie, mock-offended, offered her her latest victim, and it seemed to stop her from saying anything else. The kiss they shared might also have had something to do with it.

Bernie took a step back to watch Serena work, wrapping everything so they wouldn’t make a mess. She stepped forward again, standing behind her, her arms around Serena’s waist as she looked over her shoulder.

“Those aren’t going to fit in that.” She warned her.

“Yes they are.” Serena said, leaning into her. Fives minutes later, Serena had to admit defeat, Bernie letting out a small giggle before stopping herself. Serena really had an alarming effect on her. She let her go to help prepare the last things they needed, retrieving Serena’s warm cardigan in her bedroom and her own hoodie.

 

  
Cameron had sought refuge on the roof, sitting with his back against a wall, eyes closed. He smiled when he heard Morven approach, saw her about to apologise but waved her concern away.

“I swear, Cameron, I’m going to strangle at least one of them by the end of the day.”

“How much longer is your shift?”

“Two hours.”

“You can probably manage half a dozen in that amount of time.” He grinned. She playfully punched his shoulder.

“Something wrong?”

“Well, I think all those avoiding you are looking for me.” He mumbled. He’d had a lot of people suddenly pay attention to his presence, and, like for Morven, he knew Serena wouldn’t have let that happen.

“What do they want?” She asked gently.

“Everything! There’s barely anything I can tell them, and what little I could I don’t want to, and I’m not sure how to get that point across.” He sighed.

“Send them to me?” She suggested jokingly and saw a smile bloom on his face.

“Don’t tempt me!” He looked her in the eye and looked away as fast as he could. He could get lost in those eyes if he wasn’t careful.

They heard someone approach and Cameron felt Morven tense but she didn’t move although they were shoulder to shoulder, which whoever was there would probably disapprove of. It was Raf.

“I just… wanted to make sure you were okay.” He said as greeting, addressing Morven but really meaning the both of them.

“I would be if people stopped asking me that question.” Morven snapped and Cameron saw Raf almost take a step back. She got up, a hand on Cameron’s shoulder, and left, jaw set. He hadn’t tried to stop her, or talk to her. She needed to cool down on her own, wondered what she had to go home to, whether it wouldn’t make it worse.

“She’s a bit tired of the kids’ gloves.” Cameron explained when Raf turned toward him. “Just wants to be happy for them, in peace.” Raf nodded.

“Haven’t gotten much peace yourself, have you?” He sounded a bit sorry about it, although he was one of the few who hadn’t tried to talk to him one way or another.

“Not really, no. Morven and I, we’re on opposite sides of this. Collateral damage.” He said after the thought dawned on him. “But if it’s the price to pay for their happiness then… we’ll probably end up venting up here every now and then!” He let out, resigned.

“On the bright side, you found one another.” Raf pointed out. He paused to process his own words. “You know what I mean.” Cameron smiled. Raf headed toward the door and he followed him on his way out. Cameron wondered what he could fill his afternoon with that would allow him to forget about it all for a while. A nap sounded good.

 

  
They agreed to take Bernie’s car, the convertible side of it having won Serena over. The weather wasn’t exactly up to it, but there was a freedom to it that went well with their need to escape, away from the hospital, their complicated relationships with their children, the overly familiar space of Serena’s house, Holby, and all there was to it.

They were heading to memories they could have shared, once. What if they had met walking on that beach? What if they had found themselves side by side ordering ice cream? What if their eyes had met helping their children with questionably shaped sandcastles?

They knew their competitiveness would definitely have showed in that last scenario, Bernie remembering pairing with Charlotte while Marcus paired with Cam trying to make the prettiest one. Bernie was more patient, but Charlotte was younger, and Cameron and Marcus were less attentive to detail.

She remembered the laughter, the curiosity in her children’s eyes when they saw the scars her latest tour had left behind. They weren’t afraid, back then. It had help her feel a little less self-conscious, although for some reason swimming pools were different. She had no problem going on her own, but always seemed to draw attention when she was there with her children.

Over the years it had gone off the ‘to remember to do with Mum when she’s back’ list. There was more than enough already. Many things had gone before she even realised, years passing until she missed them, realising what it meant. Serena’s hand on her arm brought her back to Earth, and she realised she had shared her melancholy.

“Sorry, I just… what if we’d met?” She simplified.

Serena smiled at her and tugged at her hand.

“Come on, we have the beach all to ourselves.”

“Well, given the temperature, I’m not too surprised.”

“Should I remind you it was your idea?” Serena teased.

“I never said it was a good one!” Bernie replied mock-offended, making Serena chuckle.

They found a corner that was sufficiently sheltered so their sandwiches wouldn’t have any extra crunch. They saw a seagull eyeing them from a distance but it didn’t come any closer. Bernie let her head fall on Serena’s shoulder, hiding her grin.

“How cold do you think the water is?” She started, her grin audible.

“Why do you ask?” Serena replied, suspicious.

“How about we go find out?” She was already halfway up, extending her arms toward Serena who looked at her like she had lost her mind.

“Bernie, could you have picked a worse time of year?” She asked, still not moving.

“Oh come on, just your toes.” Bernie’s doe eyes and soft voice were a deadly combination for Serena’s resolve.

“Fine.” She replied, removing her shoes and rolling her trouser legs up so she wouldn’t get soaked. She let Bernie lead her to the edge of the water which was quite a way away, the sand cold under their feet, avoiding the occasional sharp sea shell and smoothed broken glass.

The water, it turned out, wasn’t as bad as they’d feared, mostly because because the air itself was cold enough that the difference between both wasn’t that important. They walked along the edge for a bit, shivering when unexpected waves tried to inch up their legs.

“What is it about beaches?” Bernie asked no one in particular.

“They’ve been here for ages, before us, and will be long before we’re dead.” Serena pointed out. Bernie turned toward her.

“Well, that was poetic.” She said in disbelief.

“How else would you phrase it, then?” Serena asked with a side smile. She saw Bernie think for a moment, walking slightly slower, closing her eyes and focusing on the salty air they were breathing.

“It’s the rhythm of the sea, it’s endless, it comes and goes but everything else stays the same.” Bernie tried.

“Actually, it’s the sea that’s the only thing that doesn’t change, everything else does.” Serena pointed out. Bernie nodded in agreement.

“So it’s the Earth’s heartbeat.” Bernie reasoned. Serena laughed.

“Does that mean the Earth is having a stroke in the Mediterranean sea?” Bernie laughed along with her.

Bernie let Serena’s hand go and took a few steps further up the beach, picking some pebbles, and handing them to Serena. She was pretty good at it. Serena wasn’t. All but wrapping herself around her, Bernie showed her the right movement, the right angle, and Serena was too busy trying to remember what her name was to fully comprehend her explanation. She tried and it worked.

She immediately missed the contact as Bernie stepped away and drew her to her to kiss her. She only meant it as a small, light kiss but she got sidetracked, no protest coming from Bernie. They found their balance instinctively and stayed there for a while until they heard a seagull yell at them. They turned to see the judgemental bird a few feet away.

“That would be Henrik Sr.” Bernie joked, making Serena laugh. “He’s got a point though.”

“Really, what is that?”

“If we stay in there any longer, we’ll lose a toe or two.”

They agreed to go back to their picnic spot, away from their irate friend.

 

  
Charlotte had texted Elinor as soon as she’d got out of her last class of the day, shortly before lunchtime. They had agreed to meet in the afternoon, Charlotte was twenty minutes and a healthy lunch away from home. Elinor could make it an hour later. Charlotte knew they would be alone.

She answered the door to a grinning Elinor who didn’t apologise for being half an hour late, not that Charlotte had expected her to. She took a look around, taking the place in.

“Nice!” She admitted. “A bit impersonal, but nice.”

“A lot of the things that lightened up the place were Mum’s, and Dad didn’t bother doing something about it. Cam and I mostly spend time in our rooms, so it doesn’t really matter. The kitchen is just where the food is, really.” She shrugged. In a way, despite the way she felt about her mother, the house feeling so sad now that she was gone was a relief. It had felt empty when she had been abroad but a part of her had always been there, with them. Now, there was nothing, and it truly felt like something was missing, in a way that made Charlotte resent her even more.

Charlotte gestured for Elinor to follow her. The first thing Elinor noticed was the neatly organised bookcases. A large portion of wall had been taken over by pictures and articles and as many things that could reasonably be pinned as possible, clearly organised, some sort of logic behind the whole thing. A yoga mat and some small weighs were half hidden at the foot of the bed. Elinor hadn’t seen a desk looking this ready to be used since the last time she’d set foot in Ikea, a few souvenirs nearly lined up out of the way.

The room seemed to be a mix between military precision and personal touch, fitting the image she had of Charlotte quite well. Charlotte looked at her as Elinor looked around the room, trying to decipher what she might be thinking.

“If you’re not careful, my Mum might try to adopt you.” Elinor pointed out, making Charlotte laugh, sitting down on the edge of the bed next to her.

“Your room is a mess?” Charlotte asked, knowing what kind of answer to expect.

“That’s one politically correct way of describing it, yes.” Elinor said, somehow proudly, before looking looking down. “About as much as my life at the moment.” Charlotte frowned.

“That bad?”

“I’m at least halfway down half a dozen different bad slopes.” She admitted, wondering why she would tell Charlotte that.

“At least you’re aware of it.” Elinor stared at her.

“Glass half full much?” She replied dryly. Charlotte had a feeling she knew what Elinor was talking about. She had seen it happen before, with friends, with acquaintances, with classmates. Cameron had almost gone there, too, in his own way.

“You know, there are two ways to live your life.” She started.

“You sound like my mother.” Elinor replied flatly.

“Either you dull it or enhance it to make it feel less boring…” Charlotte continued.

“You really sound like my mother.” Elinor pointed out with a tinge of a smile.

“Or you find something intense enough that it keeps you interested.” Charlotte finished.

“OK, that's generally not where my mother goes.” Elinor admitted. She was surprised when Charlotte kissed her. She was distracted by the fact that she was a good kisser for a second, before replying. “Definitely not where my mother goes.” Elinor confirmed, making Charlotte laugh.

“I’m just saying, it’s an example.”

“A terrible example.” Elinor replied.

“Hey!” Charlotte punched her gently in the arm with a smile.

“You know what I mean.” Charlotte smiled. “And I’ve been thinking…” Elinor started.

“Oh, wow, should we celebrate?” Charlotte teased. Elinor stared at her judgmentally.

“It’s something you texted last night, about your mother not really knowing you.” Charlotte didn’t say anything, letting her speak. “There’s a good way of checking that.”

“I’m not interesting in checking, I just know it.” Charlotte knew she sounded a bit defencive but couldn’t help it.

“But you don’t know how much…” Elinor pointed out. Charlotte had the feeling whatever she would suggest would be a bad idea, but she hadn’t invited her over to exchange cute childhood memories anyway.

“Spill it.”

“We make a list. Well, you make a list. Things about you, things you think she should know, should remember, your favourite food to your favourite colour when you were five, that kind of stuff.”

“OK…” Charlotte wasn’t sure where this was going, but she was starting to see the point of it.

“Then I call her and I quizz her.” Elinor finished. Charlotte stared at her for a while.

“What makes you think she’ll answer?”

“Well, she doesn’t want to piss either of us, and I think she feels guilty enough that she won’t let my Mum stop me.”

“I like the way you think.”

“Thank you.”

“But this is a terrible idea.”

“No it’s not. All you need is a control group.” Elinor pointed out victoriously.

“A control group?”

“When is your dad getting home?” She asked. They heard the front door and Charlotte looked at the time, it couldn’t be Cameron. “See! Come on, get writing!”

Half an hour later, they had a list of questions, a list of possible mostly-right answers, Marcus’ set of answers, and Elinor’s phone between them on the table. The idea was to put it on speaker so Charlotte could hear, but preferably for Bernie not to know. They were ready.

 

  
They had no idea how much time had passed. They had taken their time eating, walked along the beach for a good while before picking a lone bench and settling down, still hand in hand.

“It’s so peaceful here.” Bernie said, almost dreamily. Her phone rang and she shared a look with Serena. “Jinxed it.” She whispered. Her face fell when she saw who the caller was. She automatically scooted closer to Serena, wondering what Elinor wanted from her.

“Hello?” She replied, not entirely sure what kind of etiquette there was for this kind of thing, or whether Elinor bothered with etiquette at all. Elinor spoke fast, with a commanding tone that was somehow reminiscent of her mother’s when people on her ward did something really stupid, like piss her off. She felt Serena squeeze her hand and they shared a look.

Bernie let go of Serena’s hand and put her phone in her now free hand so Serena could hear without needing to put the phone on speaker. She felt she was about to protest but put a hand on her thigh, a bit tense but firm. She felt she had to do this, and Serena suspected it was exactly what her daughter was counting on.

Elinor fired questions at her at the speed of a machine gun, and they hurt almost as much, bullets piercing skin aiming for the heart. Bernie didn’t have time to think, or so little, and she felt in Elinor’s voice that she was proving a point.

Some answers she genuinely didn’t know, wondering what she had missed, when she had missed it, some she panicked too much to remember. Some she gave more than one answer to. Some she replied faster than her brain could catch up on.

By the time Elinor ran out of questions, Serena was holding her close, biting her lip, and Bernie felt like a failure. How could she not remember the name of Charlotte’s first boyfriend? She hadn’t been there at the time, and they hadn’t been together long, she had only known about him through her letters, but still. The poem she had to work on for her A-levels, the name of her three best friends in primary school, the first outfit she had bought herself from her pocket money?

There was a silence at the other end of the line, Bernie even checked her phone to make sure Elinor hadn’t hung up.

“You’re really not that bad.” She heard Elinor declare flatly. “Considerably better than your ex-husband, and you have the excuse of the army, he doesn’t.” Bernie was holding her breath, not sure what to say, or how to react. She knew that, objectively, she should have been angry at Elinor. She had had the sinking feeling that Charlotte had been sitting next to her, and that alone kept her from saying anything.

“Why did you call?” Bernie finally asked, her voice not nearly as assured as she’d have wished.

“I knew I’d be tempted to ask Mum the same questions if we’d done this face to face.” Elinor replied and Bernie felt Serena tense.

“But you didn’t.” Bernie pointed out, wondering why on Earth she had thought it was a good idea.

“I don’t think Charlotte could have stomached it.” Elinor started. “And I’m not sure I want to know, either.” And she hung up.

“She’s right, you know.” Serena said, looking at the seat, refusing the look at Bernie just yet.

“What?” She asked, surprised, disbelief in her voice.

“You did really well. I couldn’t have done anywhere near as well as you.” Serena realised.

“Well, you have mitigating circumstances.” Bernie pointed out.

“So do you.” Serena pointed out. “And that’s no excuse.”

“Katia, Lisa, and Jeremy.”

“What?”

“Her friends from primary school.” Bernie sighed. “And the first outfit she bought for herself was a dress for Katia’s birthday party years later, which, if I remember correctly, was a complete disaster.” Bernie reminisced with a smile.

“Text her.”

“What?”

“Text her, the answers, text them.”

“Who, Elinor?’ Bernie asked.

“No, Charlotte.” Bernie took a deep breath and tried to be as quick and concise as possible, leaning a little bit more into Serena as she sent it. “I can’t believe Elinor…” Serena started, her anger starting to bubble from under the shock and guilt.

“She knew what she was doing.”

“Exactly.”

“If it helps Charlotte…” Bernie replied.

“We really need to work on those relationships with our daughters, don’t we?” Serena sounded pissed off rather than hopefully, but Bernie chuckled.

“I wonder where they get their tempers from.” They shared a look that went from a glare to an adoring look.

Bernie received a reply to her text. “I didn’t think you’d remember that much. Dad was truly awful at it, said there’s no way a parent could the large majority of it. There’s irony somewhere in there, I think.”

Bernie looked at Serena who shrugged.

“Don’t look at me like that, just because Edward would be utter rubbish at it isn’t going to make me feel any better about not remembering that kind of details about my daughter.”

“Some things are more important than others.” Bernie pointed out. “You two went through life differently. I’ve always known Charlotte better on paper than in person, it’s a different kind of relationship.”

“How about we forget about our daughters for a while.” Serena suggested. “They can take care of themselves. Hopefully just not of one another…” Bernie started laughing. “What?”

“Nothing, I just… I just remembered the look on Cameron’s face when he held Charlotte in his arms the first time.”

“That bad?”

“Oh, no, it was adorable, he was really serious and held her very close.” Bernie smiled. “We don’t have any picture of that, but I’ll never forget! I might bring it up some time soon.” She grinned.

They got up, linked arms, and kept walking. They tried to share something while walking, but after Serena almost collided with a lamppost they decided to wait. They noticed a playground in the distance and looked at one another. They didn’t need to close their eyes to figure out what the other felt.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have something planned for the next chapter, some of the children’s shenanigans will lead to… an interesting situation! *grins*
> 
> There might be some Abba earworms in it though!


	7. Oversight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some eyes get opened, and others closed, as realisations and food dawn on them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of you for taking the time to read and comment! Thanks as always to DaisyDoctor13 for feeding the plotbunnies and letting me rant about them!
> 
> As advertised, this chapter features sappiness and Abba earworms, although I’ve tried to tone it down a bit, because I’ve listened to a select few Abba songs on a loop while writing this and I don’t want to inflict it on you all! Every song I reference has a link, I chose to link directly to the original versions. Most of the time, I have reasons for having references the songs where I have. Most of the time.
> 
> This chapter also features some family bonding, Cameron Done, a necessary OC, and, probably, somewhere, a very uncomfortable waiter.

The smiles on their faces grew as their neared the playground. It was empty, lifeless, but it didn’t matter because it held the key component of their loop of childhood memories. Two swings were facing the sea, the wind making them move slightly, a promise, an offer. A chance. They each picked one, chuckling as their realised they’d mirrored their choice of bed side.

They shared a look and a wide grin before trying to move together. After a couple false starts and a complaint that the floor was too close, they managed to be in perfect harmony. The rhythmic metallic creaking vibrating through the chains in their hands, the wind in their hair, on their face, gravity letting them go slightly on both ends of the movement, soothing, dazzling.

They spent a long time like that, eyes closed, smiling, enjoying every detail, reaching out further than they normally would. They let the barrier between them disappear entirely, breathing together, hearts beating together. Alive together. Together.

They let Earth call them back slowly, not quite in sync as the swings stopped. Putting their feet down felt like landing after a long free-fall. Eyes still closed they got up and reached for the other’s hand, meeting halfway until their foreheads were touching. They didn’t need words, still floating in the space they had created for themselves.

Being close had led them to slowly build their barrier again, and it felt stronger, much stronger now that they had pushed it down completely. It was stronger because they didn’t need to break it down anymore. They’d created a door, one that opened both ways. They could tell, from a simple kiss, how much steadier their balance was, knowing it was only a matter of time until their explored further.

They started walking back to the car, hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder. They knew they’d want the shelter of the car’s roof on the way back, Serena suspecting she might even be tempted to nap. Bernie’s driving style was hardly an invitation to sleep, but she felt so safe she could sleep anywhere as long as she was by her side.

 

  
Charlotte sighed.

“I’ve had Abba stuck in my head, you know what the best remedy is?” She asked Elinor who was still deep in thoughts.

“Sing it to everyone you find so you share the pain?” She suggested. That’s usually how she dealt with it herself.

“That too, but I was thinking about rewatching ‘Mamma Mia’.”

“That’s a good plan, should cheer you up a bit.” Elinor admitted. Why she wanted to cheer Charlotte up was beyond her, but she was starting to really like her. Accidentally adopted younger sister had not been on her Christmas list. “Only if we point out the stupid bits though.”

“Define stupid?” Charlotte frowned.

“Romantic.” Elinor’s very large air quotes made Charlotte laugh.

“Why have romance when you can have catchy songs on a loop in your head, right?” Charlotte paused. “Popcorn?”

“You’re ridiculous.” Elinor pointed out. “Ok, go for it!” The situation was odd enough already, popcorn would just be a nice bonus.

 

When Cameron came home, he only wanted one thing: a clear escape to his room and blissful sleep. Instead, he was greeted by the unmistakable tune of Abba’s ‘[Slipping through my fingers](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsk5Qz5oEWo)’ and the rather off-putting sight of Elinor and his sister sharing a large bowl of popcorn on the couch. The irony in their trying not to take in the lyrics wasn’t lost on him. He had seen his father’s car in the driveway so he knew he was there. How he had not tried to interrupt them was beyond him.

“If you want some, get your own!” Charlotte told him sternly, wrapping her arms around the popcorn. Elinor sneaked her hand in between to get a handful of it and made a point of eating it slowly with a grin on her face. “Long day?” Charlotte asked with a grin.

“Getting longer by the minute.” He replied. The girls shared a look.

“That’s generally how days work.” Elinor pointed out, making Cameron sigh.

“Cute doc giving you the cold shoulder?” Charlotte teased. Cameron tried to think of a way to say enough in as few words as possible.

“She’s a widowed soulmate, things aren’t easy for her at the moment, but we vent to one another.” He saw his words sink in. Charlotte’s hand was still above the bowl and let go of part of its prisoners. Elinor had paused the movie.

“You really don’t make things easy for yourself, do you!”

“Wait, it’s Morven?” Elinor asked. Neither of them had realised she might know who she was. Cameron nodded. “I’ve only seen a picture, Mum kept mentioning Arthur, she’s really pretty.” She admitted, speaking with her mouth full.

“What are you going to do?” Charlotte asked, trying to get the conversation back on track.

“Nothing, spend time hiding on the roof with her when things get too much and vent about how much easier things would be if Serena were here to keep people in line.” Elinor laughed. If she’d understood right, her mother would just bite his head off, which might be interesting to watch but the likelihood of her being there to witness it was way too low.

“And I thought that movie was sappy!” She teased. Cameron sighed.

“Could you two just… lower the volume a bit? And not sing at the top of your lungs? Please? I need a nap, the kind that won’t make me say ‘[ _Mamma mia! Here we go again!_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unfzfe8f9NI)’ every few minutes, and reconsider Mum’s offer of borrowing her flat!”

“In your dreams!” Charlotte replied as he disappeared in the corridor.

“That’s if I manage to have any.” He shouted back. Charlotte turned to Elinor.

“You’ll never know how lucky you are to be a single child.”

“You two seem to get on well!”

“We’re very different, but not that much deep down. Mum being away a lot made us need to deal with a lot of stuff on our own, and team together. Even though Dad was there it wasn’t the same. I’ll never tell her that though.”

“She brought you two closer together?”

“Something like that? But we always bickered a lot when she was home. Kind of competing for her attention, I suppose. We could get away with a lot more, but in a way she was stricter than Dad.”

“You have a lot of positive feelings about your mother for someone who’s supposed to resent her so much.” Elinor smirked.

“I only resent her for the affair. The rest… The rest I accepted a long time ago. I can understand her motivations, but the affair, that’s the one thing…”

“But you kind of do, don’t you? Deep inside…” There was a hint of something in Elinor’s voice, like she felt betrayed. Charlotte turned toward her.

“I feel like I’m missing something. Like it makes sense. I’m not questioning why she did it, not anymore. It’s not about the reason, it’s how she dared, how she let it get so far and destroy everything.”

“But she tried to shield you, didn’t she?” Elinor tried to understand too, but didn’t like what she was hearing.

“She didn’t try to shield us, she tried to hide, like she couldn’t even face it.” Charlotte said bitterly, the words suddenly helping her make sense of things.

“And that’s what’s bothering you.” Elinor grinned victoriously. “Because you realised your hero is a coward.” Her words hurt, and she could see it. Charlotte turned toward her again and Elinor could tell she had to stop herself from speaking too soon.

“Yes.” Charlotte admitted. “And it’s made me question everything.”

Elinor sent her a vaguely apologetic smile, took a handful of popcorn and started the movie again. They both groaned when they heard the first bars of ‘[The winner takes it all](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92cwKCU8Z5c)’ and agreed to fast forward.

 

  
Once they were done, fighting over the last of the popcorn, Elinor started humming something, looking annoyed.

“I can’t even remember which one that is.” She mumbled. Charlotte laughed. She sang along with the lyrics.

“[ _Gimme gimme gimme a man, after midnight_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEjLoHdbVeE)-” Elinor cut her quickly.  
  


“No!” She glared at Charlotte. “Don’t! It’s bad enough without the lyrics!” There was a pause. “Damnit.” She muttered. It was too late now. She’d pay for it later though!

“You know what you need?” Charlotte asked, taking her by surprise. Elinor stared at her blankly. “A boyfriend.” Charlotte pointed out.

“No.” Elinor answered. The last few attempts had been disastrous, and she had enough problems at the moment without adding a living one.

“A decent boyfriend.” Charlotte stressed. Elinor shook her head.

“No such thing.”

“A date first jump later kind of decent boyfriend.” Charlotte insisted.

“Good luck finding one of those about our age not too thick and not too bad to look at.” Elinor chuckled.

“I actually have someone in mind.” Charlotte grinned, and Elinor grinned back.

“Go for it.” She encouraged. Now that could be good!

“Not for me, for you!” Elinor’s face fell.

“You're not serious?”

“He's a bit posh, his dad is a surgeon who went to uni with my parents. He’s a friend of Cam’s, more or less.” Charlotte explained.

“Ok, you’re really not serious.” Elinor stared at her.

“He’s just a decent guy with a sense of loyalty, he helped Cam a lot.”

“What is it with your family and loyalty? Clearly none of you actually know the meaning of the word.” Charlotte chuckled at her words.

“We do, we're just liberal with it.”

“Has he made a pass at you?” Elinor asked, taking Charlotte by surprise.

“Aha, he wouldn't dare, family friend, and Cameron would have bitten his head off before either of my parents even heard about it. Don't think he was interested.”

“Gay.” Elinor replied, but Charlotte shook her head.

“Don't think so, at least his long term girlfriend at the time didn't think that, she made a point of... boasting. believably, I should say.” Charlotte stressed, grinning at Elinor.

“But she dumped him?”

“No, he dumped her. She was getting overly possessive and... really toxic. The aftermath wasn't pretty.”

“Single since?” Elinor was starting to think Charlotte might not have been completely mad.

“Yep.”

“How long?”

“4 or 5 months, give or take.”

“What are my chances?” She asked. Why was she agreeing to this again?

“I'm fairly sure I can sweet-talk him into it without even showing him your picture.” Charlotte beamed.

“Why would he agree?”

“Because I'm a well meaning young lady and he knows I’m the only one who isn't going to try and screw him over by pairing him with someone ridiculous.”

“Except I am.” Elinor pointed out. She was probably the exact opposite of who the guy was looking for, if he was even looking.

“I think you both need a shock. He's been living under a rock, and you've been throwing rocks. All you have to do is take his rock, throw it away, and tadaa!” Elinor stared at her. “Okay, I admit, this didn't really come out the way I planned. Doesn't hurt to try?”

“Go on then. Fairly sure there's no way he'd agree.” Elinor conceded. She knew the second she let the words out that she had made a terrible mistake, but her spirit of competition was well and truly awoken. And it couldn’t hurt.

Charlotte called her prince charming, putting him on speaker. He sounded tired, and a bit annoyed. She sounded as sweet as a lamb and Elinor realised that she was really not as innocent as everyone else seemed to think. She was good with people, that much was clear.

"Okay, Will, listen, I have an idea for you. I have a friend, you haven't met her, it's complicated, it would take at least half an hour and that's if I do the short version, but I think she might be worth, say, an evening of your time?" She paused, kept talking when she realised he wasn’t going to object just yet.

“Both her parents are doctors, so she knows that struggle, she's clever, she's funny, she's good looking, she's glaring at me right now.” Charlotte chuckled.

“I know people have been trying to set you up, repeatedly, with very very mixed results. I'm not going to try and dictate a place or a time, you can just text each other, make up your mind, no spectators, I can even send you a picture." Elinor frowned. Charlotte grinned and sent a picture she'd sneakily taken earlier.

"Okay, that's a real person and I can tell you're in your living room because I recognise the wallpaper." Elinor heard and chuckled. "Charlie, what do you really want?"

"I know two people who seem to have lost faith in relationships. Worst case scenario you end up with a like-minded friend!" Charlotte sounded very convincing.

An exchange of numbers and some texting later, Elinor had a date the same evening and was glaring at Charlotte.

"I know that restaurant, it's not exactly my style."

"And yet you agreed." Charlotte grinned at her victoriously.

"Well, the food is nice, I'm more used to embarrassing people there, rather than actually going as a non-insufferable guest."

"I can help you with that." Charlotte smiled.

"How?" Her mother had spent her whole life trying to teach her manners, she doubted Charlotte could make half of it stick in just a few hours. Elinor did know her manners, could behave really well if she wanted to, but the problem was that she rarely did, and therefore had relatively little experience in the matter, compared to Charlotte anyway.

"Cut from the same cloth!"

"Sorry but I don't think I’d fit in any of yours." Elinor joked.

"Take a picture of your wardrobe and send it to me."

"It's too big, and too messy, you'll have to come see it for yourself."

"Deal. But you'll have to do something about your hair if you want to really look the part." Charlotte said, rather innocently. Elinor should have been more careful.

"Deal." Charlotte grinned and Elinor immediately regretted her words.

They ended up going wardrobe diving a little while later, Charlotte’s fingers crossed that her father wouldn’t be home. Like Serena had pointed out the previous day, she did look a lot like her mother, and she wasn’t particularly fond of the idea of a confrontation. Charlotte gaped at the size, and absolute mess, of Elinor’s wardrobe.

“How do you even…” She didn’t even finish her sentence.

“You might have been brought up doing things with military precision, but having rebelled against my mother’s sense of order hasn’t really done wonders on my keeping track of my favourite outfits.”

“Mind if I help reorganise a bit?” Elinor stared at her wide-eyed.

Ten minutes later, she had managed to sort everything by type of garment, from casual to highkey, and set aside a ‘needs ironing’ pile that was reaching perilous heights. She turned to Elinor who looked baffled.

“How?”

“It’s called common sense, you should try it sometimes.” She grinned. “That and I’ve helped Cameron sort out his things quite a few times, before planned parental inspections.”

“Please tell me he didn’t ask you to iron his shirts.” Elinor groaned.

“No, he did have to repay me for helping.”

“So you had him do your ironing for you?” She asked in disbelief. Charlotte grinned again. “You really are a rebel!”

It took a while but they finally found something appropriate. Charlotte agreed to let Elinor deal with her makeup all on her own but didn’t budge on her hair.

“This is a fancy date, you can’t just let them loose like that! You can do something really nice with it!” Elinor was starting to really regret her decision once she saw the hint of mischief in her eyes. She trusted her as far as the final result went, it was the process that worried her.

 

  
Serena had fallen asleep less than five minutes after Bernie had started the car, making her smile. She sneaked small side looks whenever she could, admiring her, enjoying how relaxed and happy she looked.

She noticed after a while that they’d need to stop for gas at some point on the way home, a ‘detail’ that had completely escaped her mind since they’d met, and she decided to stop at the next station. She decelerated as gently as she could so as not to wake her up, hoping to be able to snap a picture before Serena woke up, and offer her coat as blanket if she wanted to go back to sleep.

She took a few pictures and was surprised that Serena wasn’t even awake by the time she started the car again. She had tried her best to block any gas smell so it wouldn’t wake her by accident. She stopped longer than necessary at the stop sign to admire her; she had slid a little toward the window and the smile on her face was a little bit wider. Looking in the rear-view mirror, she focused on the road, afraid any honking might wake her partner up.

Partner. That was a word she hadn’t considered before, one that seemed to come naturally, to make sense. Partner in what exactly? Life? Pain? Joy? Partner in crime, if unconditional love and support was criminal.

She was a little more careful in the way she drove, having been told often enough that her driving style could be a bit rash. Serena stirred just as they entered Holby. She stretched, trying to avoid punching her driver, wincing at the stiffness of her neck.

“Why did you let me sleep this long?” She mumbled.

“You were too cute to disturb.” Bernie admitted with a grin.

“You better not have taken any pictures.” Serena stared. Bernie chuckled.

“I’ve known you all my life with my eyes closed, don’t think I won’t take every opportunity to see you now that I can, even if it’s just pictures.” Bernie hadn’t realised how deep her answer had been until she saw the look on Serena’s face. “We lost half a century already.”

“We have another half ahead of us.” They shared a look and Bernie didn’t notice the green light until the car behind her honked loudly.

Five minutes later, they were in Serena’s driveway. Another five and they were kissing in the kitchen, having dumped any remains of their picnic in the sink.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Bernie asked a few minutes later.

“Well, I was thinking that I need to water the cactus in the living room, so probably not.” Serena chuckled.

“Restaurant, tonight? No cooking, great food…” She paused. “I happen to know a place, Italian, with an extensive wine list…” She teased.

“You know how to talk to a woman. A place like that probably requires a reservation though.” She pointed out.

“I’m on it.” She winked. It didn’t take her long to find the number. A few minutes later everything was sorted. She kissed Serena in celebration and got lost in it a bit. Maybe that restaurant wasn’t that good an idea after all!

 

When Cameron came out of his room, he wasn’t sure what to expect. They had finished the movie a while back, gone, come back, and he could hear voices in the living room, but nothing could have prepared him for what he saw. He gaped as he saw them both sat on cushions on the floor, Elinor in front of Charlotte, who was trying to braid her hair with minute precision while Elinor winced. Charlotte turned toward him and Elinor managed to catch him at the corner of her eye. He pulled a face.

“ _[Chiquitita, tell me the truth](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4QqMKe3rwY)..._ ” She started, surprisingly in tune.

“ _I'm a shoulder you can cry on..._ ” Charlotte replied. He covered his eyes, then his ears before realising either was useless.

“I’m fine. I’ll just…” He checked his pockets and mumbled, heading back to his room. He was back a second later, phone in hand, and took a picture. “What are you doing exactly?” He asked.

“Elinor has a date.” Charlotte stated. “I’m helping.”

“I think the right word for what you’re doing is ‘torture’. I can’t believe I agreed to this.”

“Serves you right.” Cameron grinned. “Charlie, do you mind taking a picture once you’re done?” She mock-saluted him and he rolled his eyes, going back to his room, having forgotten why he had even gotten out of it in the first place.

 

  
Having gone through several dozen pages of notes, Cameron stretched and sighed. He heard a car outside and decided to go and see what was happening. Had they called a taxi or was the date picking her up there? He sneaked in behind them as they got up from the couch and managed to snap a few pictures, Charlotte doing the same, most pictures featuring a glaring Elinor.

They all jumped when the doorbell rang. The two girls shot their most charming smiles while Cameron covered his face with his hands. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” He whispered to himself.

Charlotte was welcoming William who, they all noticed, managed to keep his eyes in reasonable areas of Elinor’s body. It wasn’t lost on Elinor either, who was starting to think that Charlotte had been right about him being a decent guy. She, however, probably couldn’t go for a guy that decent.

She had to give it to him, he was really polite and not too put off by the situation. Cameron had greeted him with a tight smile that seemed to shout ‘this wasn’t my idea I have no idea what they were thinking’ and was now leaning against the wall next to the door, hoping his father wouldn’t get out of the office. This was enough of a recipe for disaster already, no need to add extra spices.

Once they were gone, William opening the car door for Elinor who was too stunned to say anything other than ‘thank you’, Cameron closed the door in relief.

"Why did you do that for?"

"They're perfect for one another!"

"They are polar opposites!"

"Exactly!"

"Thanks for the heads up."

"You would have tried to warn him."

"Well, yes, I, wait, what did you tell him?" He looked at her, suspicious. Charlotte grinned.

“Nothing.” He shook his head. He’d have to call him the next day, see what state of mind he’d be in, and hope it wouldn’t be ‘bloody furious’.

“Want to stay around for any update?” She grinned.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into you lately, but yes, why not. Any idea what’s for dinner?”

“According to the planning it’s your turn, but I’m ready to cook if you agree not to tell Dad about this.”

“I’m not sure eating healthy is better than having to cook, but I’ll accept the offer.” He paused. “If you make hamburgers I’ll agree not to tell Mum either.” She sighed.

“You drive a tough bargain, but fine. Just don’t expect bacon in them.” She stared at him. “And stay away from the tomatoes!”

 

  
They were almost late leaving for the restaurant, Bernie taking the time to discover more of Serena’s home while she looked at her from afar, recognising the smells, the textures, everything that surrounded her that had permeated her thoughts for so long.

It was overwhelming, but every now and again Serena would come and snake her arms around her waist, tell her to open her eyes and see. See the colours, the details, everything she hadn’t known she had missed, see and hear the missing pieces. Feel her there while feeling herself in her space.

They decided to take their time, not visit the whole house in one go. Kissed, more than once, in key places, or just wherever they felt like it, keeping it gentle, chaste, discovering still, for now.

They took Bernie’s car again, mostly because she was the first one out the door given that Serena had to lock it. They found a parking space fairly easily, to their surprise, and entered the restaurant confidently.

As they were about to take their seats, Bernie’s eyes were drawn to the corner of the room, a pair of slightly alarmed eyes staring at her. She nodded with a smile and sat down. Serena raised a quizzical eyebrow.

“Son of a family friend. Really respectable young man.” She said, taking a closer look and gulping. As Serena ordered Shiraz she saw the young man’s date flinch, and she knew. Should she tell her?

 

  
“Sorry, friend of my dad, hadn’t seen her in a long time, I’m surprised she even recognised me.” He explained, gulping. “She’s… actually Charlotte’s mum.” He realised, wondering whether Elinor had met her. He saw her blanch, her hand gripped tight around the cutlery. He heard Ms Wolfe’s date order some wine and Elinor froze.

“Are you alright?” He asked.

“Did Charlie tell you how we knew one another after that phone call?” She asked, her voice could have cut glass, and her grip on her glass could very nearly have smashed it.

“No, she didn’t, and I didn’t want to pry.” He admitted.

“She’s the daughter of my mother’s soulmate.” She explained, looking him straight in the eye. She saw the look on his face go from polite listening to ‘I’m missing something’ to ‘wait, did she say that she…’ to absolute terror.

“How long do you estimate I have to live?” He asked, taking a deep breath.

“Oh, it’s not you I’m worried about if my mother spots me, and with Bernie there, let me tell you, she will. She must have recognised me by now.”

“Well, she looks a bit pale, but it might just be the lighting.”

“Does she look like she’s seen a ghost?”

“Well, yes, now that you mention it, but if she’s clever, and she is, she’ll blame it on me being here.”

“They’re soulmates. And my mother is not the kind of person you want to anger.”

“Do not anger, noted.”

“I’m serious.”

“Wait a second, what’s your last name?” He felt like he was still missing a piece of the puzzle. He had heard of two soulmates at Holby, two women, two surgeons, but he hadn’t made the connection.

“Campbell.” Elinor looked him straight in the eye.

“I… I would have appreciated knowing that before hand.” He said to no one in particular, knowing he should have asked. He had heard of two, through his father mostly, one with an excellent reputation, the other one not so much.

“How relaxed does my mother look?”

“Your mother looks fine, but Ms Wolfe is trying really hard not to look in our direction with a look of pure panic on her face.” He took a deep breath. “May I suggest we keep eating? At least we won’t die on an empty stomach.”

“Are you really hungry right now?” She asked, a little too loudly.

“Not particularly, but the food is quite good.” He pointed out.

“Fair point.” But he was looking at something, someone behind her. “She’s gone to the loo, she’s bound to spot you on the way back.” He pointed out. He could see Ms Wolfe with her lips pinched, her eyes going from them to the corner where Serena had disappeared, and she got up, walking in their direction.

“Elinor.” She started.

“Berenice.” Bernie didn’t react to the use of her full name, having herself not dared call her Ellie, fearing it might be too familiar.

“Your mother is going to notice something sooner or later, for everyone’s sake may I suggest a loo break?” It was clear that she was begging at this stage. Elinor’s face was a picture of disbelief.

“If she has a problem with me being here she can come say it. If this is you trying to cover your arse for the past five minutes trying to keep that from her, then good luck there.” The animosity was clear in her tone and stance and her date was slowly sinking in his seat. What had he gotten himself into?

They heard a text alert and William put his phone on the table. Charlotte. He opened it so they could all see.

“How is it going? :)”

“Charlie organised this?” Bernie asked in disbelief.

“She’s resourceful.” William replied, hoping to limit the number of people who’d be trying to kill him at the end of the night.

The two women locked in a stare-off didn’t notice him hitting the ‘Call’ button.

“Hi, how are things?” Charlotte’s voice was a bit too loud for the place but he managed to lower the volume to match the room in time to limit the number of scowls.

“Charlie, tell me, what’s the worst that could possibly happen on a date with me and Elinor?” He asked gently. There was a pause.

“I… I don’t know. Cam, what do yo think?”

“Oh fuck, no!”

“Language!” Bernie replied automatically, making Elinor snicker. Some habits died hard.

“Fuck.” He replied, not so much to challenge her authority but because it was the most fitting word he could find at the moment.

“Wait, is Serena…”

“In the loo.” Bernie replied

“No she isn’t.” She heard behind her, stunned that she hadn’t felt her approach. Serena didn’t sound very happy.

“Can I just point out, here, that this is a really unnecessary conversation.” Elinor said with the nicest possible tone she could muster, meaning it, mostly. “This date is going well, theirs has barely even started. The food is delicious and theirs is due any moment. We’re all adults, and I think we can all deal with the almost double date.”

She shot a look at her mother, who raised an eyebrow but seemed to have angered down. Bernie was still uncomfortable but mostly because she knew that Serena was most likely cross at her. Elinor’s date was trying very hard to smile politely to everyone, his discomfort evident.

“You’ve made an effort.” Serena pointed out nicely.

“I have.” Elinor replied.

“I imagine the braids are Charlie’s idea?” Bernie asked gently.

“They are.” The message was clear: go have your date and let me have mine. Someone on the other end had ended the call, and to William’s disbelief the two surgeons walked away and went to sit back at their table.

“Wow.”

“Yes, I know, they always do that to people.” Elinor sighed in annoyance.

“No, I mean you!” He said, looking her straight in the eye with admiration in his.

“Which part impressed you, the fact that I managed to talk to your dear Ms Wolfe on that tone and I wasn’t struck by heavy lightning on the spot? Of the fact that I managed to anger my mother and calm her down in a couple minutes?”

“Both!” He admitted.

“To be fair, I’m still a bit surprised the second bit worked.”

“How so?”

“I rarely make an effort and am known for being a bitch.”

“Well you seem perfectly civil to me.” He lifted his glass. “To surviving at least until dessert.” She laughed, a genuine laugh. She was starting to like the guy.

 

  
Bernie and Serena had gone back to their table and Bernie felt like she was walking a fine line between bloody furious and vaguely grumpy. She shot the young couple’s table a quick look and chuckled.

“Sorry, just… what are the odds?” She started. “She cleans up nicely. I can’t believe Charlie…” She smiled, looking at Serena who had turned around to watch her daughter.

“How reliable is he?” She asked, surprising Bernie.

“Possibly the most reliable young man his age I know.” She admitted. “Actually… possibly the only one.” She corrected herself, making Serena laugh. “Are you okay?” She asked.

“Why wouldn’t I be? I just walked in on my generally impossible daughter in a fancy restaurant having made a real effort on a date with someone decent. And I have yours to thank for that.”

“Don’t… don’t thank her just yet. As well meaning as she might have been, I’m not entirely sure those two are a good match.” Bernie tempered, but Serena shrugged.

“Still, she’s clearly enjoying herself enough that she didn’t take that opportunity to leave, and I don’t think she did it out of spite.” There was a pause. “When did you notice?” She asked, Bernie looking away.

“I kept my eye on their table for a moment after I saw him and something was bothering me. You know, like a puzzle coming together”

“And you didn’t tell me because…?” Serena asked, but she didn’t sound angry, just a bit concerned.

“I panicked? I had no idea how you’d react, I suspected Elinor’s reaction would be problematic. She’s clearly made an effort, seeing us here would have thrown her off, or so I thought.” It sounded like an apology, which was the point.

“Nice save, Ms Wolfe.” Serena smiled at her, Bernie breathing a little better.

“Thank you, Ms Campbell.”

“I can’t believe Charlotte managed to keep Ellie still long enough to braid her hair like that though.” Serena mumbled to herself.

“Knowing her technique, let me tell you, if you move, you regret it.” Bernie chuckled.

“Do you think we’d manage to take a picture before the end of the evening?” Serena asked, suddenly unable to take her eyes off her daughter. She didn’t remember seeing her like that before, and it wasn’t for show, either. Well, maybe the hair was.

“Don’t worry about that, I’ll just ask Charlie and Cam, they’re bound to have a good set each, wouldn’t have let her out without that.”

 

  
After a while it became clear that, while they both appreciated the other and acknowledged they were a decent human being, any kind of relationship was off the table. They got talking, or rather Elinor started asking questions. She used the opportunity of having a friend of the family to get to know more about said family, with a few targets of choice.

Having not managed to get Bernie angry, which she thought might have been for the best, she fished for information. Her little stunt with her ex didn’t count, she decided.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen her angry, but I’m fairly sure I don’t want to.” William admitted. “Mr Dunn isn’t someone I’d like to cross either.” He added. Elinor’s eyebrow rose slightly.

“Well, from what I heard yesterday, get in her good grace and you won’t be in any trouble with him.”

“From what I know of their relationship, I really don’t think you read that one right.”

“She cheated on him, then asked for divorce, I got the skinny.” She growled.

“Well, yes, but it’s a bit more complicated than that…” He let out.

He explained everything he knew, from his parents, from having been there, and saw something soften in Elinor.

“I’m not saying I condemn what she did, just that I admired her before and if anything I admire her more now.” There was a pause. “She is an extraordinary woman, she has quite the reputation, is a world renowned surgeon, and from an army point of view a hero, but she’s been through hell and back, and I don’t think home was exactly a paradise either.”

He remembered different kind of medical gatherings, stilted silences and her looking like she felt out of place, in the venue, in her dress, in the relationship in which her husband seemed to enjoy turning the tables, repaying her for the role of military husband she never meant to reduce him to. He looked at Bernie a few tables over who was gazing adoringly at Serena.

“It must have put your mother through a lot.” He said, looking at Elinor again. “But I’m fairly sure that’s where you got your strength, too.” He paused again. “There are no battles left to fight for Ms Wolfe. I guess in a way this is her hero’s welcome.”

“God you’re sappy as hell.” She remarked.

What he had said, combined with what she’d heard from Charlotte earlier, made her realise that there was more to Bernie than she’d thought. That maybe she was worth doing an effort, at least for her mother’s sake.

Charlotte had discovered a flaw in her mother’s armour, but Elinor was starting to see the intricacies around that flaw, what might have led to the crack. Charlotte had had the perfect example that no one was ever perfect, including herself. Elinor was coming to term with the fact that no one was ever fully flawed, realising that she could still build something around her own mistakes.

She would have to talk to Cameron, just the two of them. He was the only one who could help for what she had in mind…

They fought over the bill. Elinor would normally have let her date pay, but there was something about the guy that made her want to do things right. She hoped he’d find someone decent, or at least a nicer rock to live under. A few lyrics were floating in her mind as she climbed in his car.

“[ _Here’s to us, one more toast and then we’ll pay the bill_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUh4u-lYEhM)  
[ _Deep inside both of us can feel the autumn chill_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUh4u-lYEhM)  
[ _Birds of passage, you and me_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUh4u-lYEhM)”

 

As their food arrived, Bernie and Serena looked at one another with a side smile. They had made a point of ordering different dishes that they would both enjoy, every intention of sharing without making a mess. They started eating, toasting to successful dates and enjoyable evenings.

They shared every taste, every texture, taking their time to eat, not even noticing as Elinor and her date left. They almost skipped dessert, the look in their eyes unmistakable. The evening was far from over, and the food wouldn’t be the only thing they would be sharing that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know me by now…


	8. Out of sight, out of mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holding close and letting go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your comments, and thanks to DaisyDoctor13 for everything! Thanks also to Sarah_Frog (although I know you’ll never see this!) for suffering through facepalming-worthy quotes and moaning about where this idea could go.
> 
> This chapter… where do I begin! I had nothing but a few keywords when I started, and both sections grew and grew and grew! When I started this story, I said to myself I’d keep it clean. I guess, in a way… I have? Just not quite the way I’d expected. I changed the rating, this chapter is definitely NSFW, although really not graphic. Word of warning: I fell off the cliché tree and hit every branch on the way down…

 

_“Cam, short version, date went well, but we both agreed that it wouldn’t work. Some things he said made me think, is it okay if I call you tomorrow? -E”_

_“Good, at least Will isn’t scarred for life, by you or our mums! And why are you asking for permission? -C”_

_“Because it’s the polite thing to do? -E”_

_“Since when do you do the polite thing? Not that I mind, really. But sure, just not before 10, have mercy! -C”_

_“I didn’t intend to get up before that either. Thank you. -E”_

 

* * *

 

_“Sorry if this is a bit late. Charlie had set up Elinor with a family friend, they had a date tonight. In the same restaurant as our mothers… We were privy to their little exchange, too… -C”_

_“Don’t worry, it’s fine! Did it go okay? -M”_

_“Well, Elinor had really made an effort. Charlie had braided her hair! Sending you a picture. The guy is a friend and really proper date material, the restaurant a bit posh, and then… I wish I’d been there to see their faces. Elinor managed to calm everything down and they all had their date in peace, apparently. -C”_

_“I’m sorry, are we talking about the same Elinor here? She looks really nice! Just very very pissed off! -M”_

_“She does, doesn’t she! I was wondering the same thing, she sent me a text earlier asking if she could call me tomorrow. -C”_

_“Why would she ask first? -M”_

_“That’s what worries me, and my sister is a bit… She’s been a bit different for a while, more extroverted, more assertive, which is good, but it still takes me by surprise. -C”_

_“Positive influence? -M”_

_“If it had been more recent maybe, but… There’s something else, at least with Charlotte. Maybe what happened with Mum and Serena impacted Elinor more than the rest of us. -C”_

_“That would make sense. -M”_

_“Now I’ll have to see what she wants. It worries me a bit, to be honest. -C”_

_“You can always text if you feel like. -M”_

_“Thank you! Hopefully I’ll know more entertaining details about the date tomorrow, I’ll relay them to you if you want! -C”_

_“With pleasure! I don’t know when they’re coming back, but we have to get ready for when that happens. -M”_

_“I don’t even want to think about it… Good night! -C”_

_“Good night, and good luck tomorrow! -M”_

 

* * *

 

  
The car ride was mostly silent, their smiles growing a little more the closer they got to Serena’s. Their hands brushed as they got out, Bernie inching closer to Serena as she unlocked the door. Bernie turned to face Serena in the hallway, Bernie’s hands in her hair, her lips on hers, revelling in Serena’s wandering hands.

Their balance was fully holding, they could feel it, could feel how strong it was, how strong they were, together, and how strong the desire to get to know the other’s body was. They knew they had the time, everything they needed to get it right.

Serena whispered something in Bernie’s ear and quickly disappeared upstairs, letting Bernie take care of their coats and remove her shoes. The second she was back, two buttons of her blouse already undone, she kissed Bernie again. Serena’s hands travelled down Bernie’s neck to her collar, removing one button after the other, thankful that the shirt was the only barrier between her and Bernie’s skin.

Bernie stopped her and she closed her eyes for a second, long enough to feel that Bernie clearly had the same thing in mind. She was tugging at the bottom of her blouse, and Serena realised that removing it in one go would be just as well, as long as Bernie cooperated a bit.

They were walking toward the stairs and Serena found herself with her back to the wall, Bernie’s hands setting her skin on fire, her own doing quick work of the remaining buttons, Bernie letting her go just long enough to discard the shirt. They were halfway up the stairs by the time Bernie managed to charm the pants off Serena, but she had a much harder time dealing with Bernie’s spectacularly tight jeans which normally suited her really well, and suited Serena rather well, too, but were now more than a little in the way.

In an attempt to express her discontent at the offending piece of clothing, Serena decided to roll it down slowly, ending on her knees, the jeans stuck around Bernie’s calves. She looked up, her eyes plunging in Bernie’s, as black as hers, biting her lip, her name on her tongue like a forbidden spell that could unleash a force too strong for them to control. She lifted one leg after the other, Serena now taking her time to free the last expanses of skin.

Her fingers trailed behind, still on her skin on the way up, getting back up slowly, her hands caressing the outside of her calves, rerouted to the inside of her thighs before aiming for her waist and her back, unclasping her bra as they kissed again. She helped her remove it without closing her eyes, exploring tentatively, whispering her name against her skin as she felt Bernie reach for the clasp on her bra, letting out a small laugh as she fumbled with it.

“Losing your touch, Ms Wolfe?” She teased, their eyes meeting again, black as ever. She saw Bernie bite her lip again and felt her fingers trickling down her back, tugging at the last barrier between them. They each removed their own, for simplicities’ sake, and hoping to get to the bathroom before the bath overran.

Bernie couldn’t identify the smell of the bath salts but it smelled like heaven and it was enough for her. Three lit candles were securely tucked in corners, bathing the bathroom in a gentle glow.

A quick look at the bathtub gave Bernie the impression that they were likely to have it overrunning before they were even fully in it, but she didn’t say anything. She stopped thinking altogether when Serena kissed her again, their eyes closed, roaming hands, roaming thoughts, roaming feelings that seemed to have caught fire the second they had shed the last hint of a boundary between them.

They felt their wall, there, holding, letting just the right amount through, a loop of pleasure, touch, discovery, it was impossible, too much in a way that was not due to their bond, or perhaps due to the intensity of it. Opening their eyes, stilling their hands, they took a moment to bask in the other’s glow. Open eyes, open hearts, short of breath, red lips, they drunk in every detail like they were grasping at the last ray of light before a long night, getting lost in the moment of communion that was so close to pleasure already it was almost painful.

Serena broke eye contact first, looking away for a brief second before gently pushing Bernie away toward the bath until the only contact between them were their hands. She stepped closer, steadying her as she climbed in, her eyes never leaving Bernie’s who settled down carefully, her hands moving to Serena’s waist, guiding her forward until she was on her knees at the foot of the bath, looking at her with an intensity she found breathtaking.

She drew Serena to her, pressing their bodies together as they kissed again, feeling their balance tremble as they breathed together, stealing kisses, hands in the other’s hair, waiting for their hearts to settle enough to dare discover further.

They moved as one to their side, allowing more movement between them, Bernie’s hand fluttering above Serena’s jaw before tracing a waving line from her neck, her collarbone, ghosting between her breasts and slaloming downward slowly before reaching her hip and stopping there. Serena kissed her, her full name on her lips as they met, Bernie’s hand carrying on as Serena hung on to her, her neck, her waist, her hips, drawing her as close as she dared.

She gasped for breath as she felt Bernie’s thigh between hers as they moved closer, moaning when Bernie moved, opening her eyes to see that it was oh so on purpose. She retaliated and relished the look on her partner’s face, the intensity of every minute contact of their skin was a delicious feedback loop that left them dizzy but yearning for more.

She moved again, slightly, making Bernie moan. She could feel she was holding back. She closed her eyes and, with her hands on Bernie’s hips, drew her even closer. She felt Bernie close her eyes as well and almost drowned in the pool of desire she found in their shared space. It smelled faintly of patchouli and she knew they would dive in it eventually, wanting nothing more.

“Don’t hold back.” Serena asked, begged, knowing that she couldn’t, knowing that she just wouldn’t. “Please?” She sighed.

“Serena, I…” Bernie didn’t finish her sentence. Serena ran her hand along Bernie’s side , feeling Bernie lean into her touch, discovering scars she hadn’t noticed at first, now seeming to glow under the candle light. That was something they hadn’t thought of. The scars, the marks of the pain they had shared… Serena covered one with her hand and touched her forehead to Bernie’s.

“I’m with you.” Serena whispered. “I’m with you now.” She paused. “Berenice? Please?” She wanted her to open her eyes, to see her, see her there, in her arms. Really there. Bernie opened her eyes, a stray tear escaping sideways to land in the bathwater. Serena held one hand between them. “Together?”

“Together.” Bernie replied, taking her hand, leaving a kiss there, her eyes never leaving Serena’s. They knew by now that their balance would hold, that they didn’t need to worry about that, just their own fears that were still ghosts hanging to the shadows cast by the candles.

Bernie went first, Serena offering her skin as the first canvas, a work in progress of the new side of their relationship. Bernie was gentle, exploring slowly, her eyes anchored in Serena’s, learning every sigh, every shiver, feeling the pleasure Serena got from it, making a map for herself, for a future use she knew there would be.

She slowed down, almost to a halt, and Serena hands mirrored hers. They knew this was a first exploration, that there would be many, many more, but they wanted to do this right, and preferably before the water got cold. Bernie moved a little too quickly, responding to Serena’s touch, her thigh pressing between Serena’s legs, their combined movement almost flooding the bathroom.

Their eyes met again, Bernie moving away slightly, her hand travelling slowly from Serena’s breasts downward, only stopping when she heard Serena moan. Serena kissed her, inviting her, begging her to carry on. Bernie’s fingers weren’t hesitant, but tentative, and she stilled the second she felt Serena tense. They each had their eyes closed and Bernie understood.

The balance had trembled at the slightest contact, it wouldn’t work, not yet. Her hand travelled back up, slowly as Serena panted, apologising against her lips. She kissed the apology away and wrapped herself around her, holding her close. Serena did the same, and they let their breaths steady themselves, their heart beating in unison.

By the time the water started getting cold enough that it was almost uncomfortable, Bernie had almost dozed off and Serena was asleep in her arms. She woke her up slowly, stroking her cheek with a smile on her face.

“Cold.” Serena muttered.

“Which is why I woke you up.” Bernie argued.

“You could have woken me up earlier.”

“Are you always this grumpy when you wake up from a nap?” Bernie laughed.

“Only when I’m cold.” Serena pouted.

A few minutes later found them wrapped in the fluffiest bathrobes Bernie had ever had the chance to witness. Serena seemed to be keeping her distance, looking away, and Bernie could tell how conflicted she felt. She extended her hand toward her, tugged at the belt to make Serena turn around and smiled when she took it. She led her to the bedroom, not bothering to turn the lights on. They wouldn’t need them, not for what she had in mind.

She removed her robe, throwing it vaguely toward the foot of the bed, and walked close to Serena, untying the belt gently. She hung on to the sides of the bathrobe.

“I have an idea.” She whispered. “Trust me?” She felt Serena slide her robe off her shoulders and down her arms, ending where she had thrown hers. She led her to bed, almost falling off, having misjudged the distance, making Serena chuckle. She kissed her, solving that problem.

They slid under the covers, and she could tell Serena was tense.

“Serena.” She whispered so close to her ear it was only almost a name and yet so much more powerful. “I think it can work. Like last time. Are you okay to try?”

“I… I don’t think it’ll work.” Serena admitted, and Bernie felt how strong her doubt was. She understood why, knew that she had to take the situation into her own hands. Literally. She took one of Serena’s hand in hers, the other between her legs, her eyes shut, sensing Serena there.

“Bernie, I…” She started. She was stopped by the wave of pleasure that hit her, Bernie having underestimated just how keyed up she was.

“Sorry.” Bernie whispered. She heard a small chuckle.

“Don’t be.” Serena’s voice was low and made Bernie shiver. She felt one of Serena’s hands slide along her arm to replace hers. Bernie’s moan echoed around the room despite her trying to stop herself. She didn’t hold back, couldn’t, but she felt their balance hold. It was there. Could it really have been that simple?

She felt Serena move closer to her, kiss her shoulder, smelling the bath scent on her own skin, Serena’s hand moving ever so slightly echoing in their minds, ripples of pleasure becoming tsunamis that never quite took over. It held. She could tell Serena was still hesitant, doubting herself.

Serena finally dared, Bernie encouraging her as she could, and mirroring the way Serena had replaced her hand earlier, waiting for her permission, almost chocked by the pleasure Serena had shared. Neither of them had been ready for it, the balance was holding, there was no doubt there, but their own bodies were overwhelmed by it.

As close as they could, lips sealed to contain their moans, they knew it would only take a moment, knew how close they were, in every meaning of the word. They knew it wouldn’t be a matter of who came first. It went past the touch of the other, past their own bodies, past even what they shared, but the key was in the pleasure they relayed, the combination having them come undone in seconds, biting their lips, silent but for a small sob and a name sighed against soft skin.

“Thank you.” Serena whispered when she managed to make her voice work properly again.

“Thank you.” Bernie replied, with an emphasis on the second word. She heard Serena chuckle.

“No, Bernie, thank you, for believing in us, believing in me. I didn’t think…” Serena admitted.

“I thought it might work, I never doubted you, Serena, I just didn’t think it would work…” She paused, slightly teasing. “That well.”

“You will be the end of me.” Serena said. Bernie smiled.

“La petite mort…” She teased.

“Oi, don’t get clever in French with me, Ms Wolfe.”

“Or what?” Bernie taunted her, biting her tongue to swallow the moan threatening to escape her throat as Serena’s hand found its way back between her legs. This was going to be a long night. A really deliciously exhausting night.

 

* * *

 

  
“Cam?” He could hear Elinor was whispering. He looked at his alarm clock. It was one minute past ten. He had said not before ten, she had taken him to his word. He also remembered her saying there were little chance of her getting up earlier than that, so chances were she was still in bed too.

“Ellie? Are you alright?” He asked, he had a feeling something was wrong. He heard something but he wasn’t sure what it was. If she was still lying down it might have been her nodding.

“I wanted to call you, because…” She started but didn’t finish her sentence.

“I’m listening.” He replied, now perfectly awake, annoyed at the small space between the curtains, the light falling right in his eyes now that he had moved to find a more comfortable position.

“I thought about it all night, I didn’t sleep, I… I couldn’t, I don’t understand, but I do, but I want to do something about it, but I don’t know what, and…”

“Ellie, Ellie, one thing at a time.” He asked gently. He was awake, but his brain hadn’t entirely woken up. “What do you need, what can I do?” He asked, realising as he spoke that he would only ever say that if it had been Charlotte calling. When in the past two days had he adopted an unruly little sister?

“I want, to work on my bond again, I blocked it, mostly, for so long, and it doesn’t feel right, it just doesn’t. You’re the only person I know who seems to be able to make it work. Please?” She sounded lost, and he knew that if she’d been there he’d have been tempted to hug her, although would have done nothing of the kind.

“How… How do you want…” He wasn’t even sure how to finish his sentence.

“I don’t know. Where would you start?” She asked. She sounded a little less emotional.

“Somewhere you like, somewhere with things you can share easily because you’re familiar with them.” He replied, not having to think about it.

“Ok.”

“Do you have a place in mind?” He asked.

“I… maybe? It’s the right day, too, you know, the market, under the arcades?”

“Yes, plenty of things to share there. Want me to meet you there? It won’t be easy, even if you’re not blocking anything anymore, your soulmate might, so you’ll have to try and undo that barrier. But doing that in a place you’re comfortable would be easier.”

“I… I know. And yes, please? I’ll, I’ll go there first, walk around a bit, text me when you get there? Take as much time as you need, I don’t want to-, well, you know, just, text me?”

“Okay, see you there.” He replied gently, ending the call, letting his phone fall on his pillow.

He showered and got dressed quickly, skipping breakfast, deciding to get something to eat once he got there. He saw the surprise on his dad’s face, and Charlotte frowning, but the look on his face seemed to dissuade them from commenting.

Finding somewhere to park was trickier than he thought, and after a while he decided to park further away and walk, it would help clear his head. He was about to text Elinor when she all but pounced on him.

“Hi.” She extended a pain au chocolat in his direction which he accepted with a smile. “Didn’t think you’d have had breakfast.” He gestured at her lip, her own breakfast had left a trace of chocolate there. They started walking slowly, Elinor talking while Cameron ate, listening attentively.

It wasn’t just rebellion. When she had started feeling something, at about the same time as most of her friends, it was different. They smelled perfume and tasted sweets, most of them did anyway. She hadn’t. She smelled some kind of smoke, tasted always the same kind of caramelised meat. She had thought of trying to figure out what it was, but it wasn’t clear enough, not like anything she’d ever tasted.

After a while, she had pretended not to feel anything, and the others avoided her, for a time, but she was the one who was slowly blocking the bond, until one day she had done it so involuntarily strongly that she genuinely couldn’t feel it. She had managed to let go a few times, generally while drunk or high, and had felt the bond close on the other end. In moments like these, she hadn’t bothered sharing interesting things, it was what she had on hand, the resentment of what she had received dictating what she had sent.

She had been one of these people who didn’t truly believe in those bonds, in their powers, having never really seen them at work. The contrast with her mother was something she had been almost happy about, another difference, another way to distance herself from her. She had seen the pain on her mother’s face and didn’t envy her, wasn’t ready to admit that there were things that made the pain worthwhile.

Having seen what she had over the previous few days, she wanted to work on it, work on the bond, see if something could still be salvaged from it, see if she could share something, anything, see if it could go through, if maybe, just maybe, she could get something back, ask for a truce, ask for a new start, or just a spark in the dark. Something. Anything.

She unconsciously led them to her favourite stand, exotic fruit on one side, seasoned olives on the other. Standing between the two sections, eyes closed, Cameron’s hand on her shoulder, she tried to relax as much as she could. She tried to reach out, but she didn’t know how, didn’t know if the wall was hers or her soulmate’s.

“If I ask you to think of home, think of somewhere safe, you don’t have to tell me where it is, but can you picture that, can you picture the safety, the comfort?” Cameron asked in a low voice. Elinor nodded. “Wrap yourself in that, keep the smell around.” Elinor nodded again.

“Now, you’ve made yourself a home. It’s a small home. You have to extend it, little by little, extend the safety and comfort, around you, and outward.” He guided her, his hand still on her shoulder. He could see tears on her face as she re-appropriated her space but he didn’t think she’d noticed. He could see how focused she was, the tension gradually disappearing. He squeezed her shoulder and it seemed to help.

“This is your space, now. It’s yours, it’s always been yours, but now it’s your space to share.” He smiled as he spoke. “Now imagine what’s standing between you two as a door. It’s a revolving door, but it’s stuck.” He saw Elinor smile, he had to admit the idea was a bit ridiculous.

“It feels more like a brick wall.”

“Ok then, let’s go for a brick wall. Is it wide?”

“Yes.”

“Is it thick?”

“How would I know?” She asked almost offended and he chuckled.

“Is it tall.”

“Not really, it feels like the space is… not that high.”

“Ok, can you feel the bricks?”

“Not really, but in a way, yes.”

“Okay, well, what do you do when you have a brick wall and you have to pass it?”

“Wrecking ball?” Elinor suggested, and this time Cameron laughed.

“No, this is why it won’t work. You have to remember that this is the boundary between the two of you, how would you like to have the wall smashed from the other side and your side covered in rubble?”

“I see your point. Try and find… try and find a brick that moves, a weak point in the wall?”

“Exactly.”

“How do I do that?”

“Gently poke at it.” He gave her time, he could see in her stance and in her face that she was entirely involved in it, it felt almost as if she wasn’t physically there anymore, and he had rarely seen something like that. The last time he had was with his mother, and that was only because of how strong her bond was. The fact that Elinor was this invested probably explained it, or maybe Elinor’s bond was considerably stronger than they realised.

“I think I found something.” She whispered, afraid. “Cam, I… I think I found something.” Her voice was breaking and his eyes were welling up. There was something in the way she was facing all this that made him realise just how different but how precious bonds could be. He didn’t say anything, let her explore. Felt she was conflicted, battling with herself. “I… I don’t know if it’s my wall of theirs.” She let out after a while, panicked.

“It’s a common wall, if it’s been there this long. If you’re lucky there’s only one layer, but your own layer should disappear once you tug at it a bit if there’s two.” He reassured her. She nodded a bit, concerned now at how much it was affecting her. They shouldn’t have picked a public place for this. No one was paying attention to them, people walking and standing with their eyes closed were common in a market like that, but he felt Elinor might be too vulnerable at this stage.

He could feel her concentrate, hold her breath, and he squeezed her shoulder, reminding her to breathe, and to smell. She took a deep breath, and he smiled, knowing what she had in mind. Channelling the smell, trying to push it through. He felt her shaking a little, and didn’t know what to do. Should he let her keep going, stay with her and keep watch, or should he ask her to stop there, start again later, elsewhere?

He decided to let her, standing close, letting her know he was still there. He understood why she’d asked him. Their mothers were off limit, Charlotte’s relationship with her soulmate was still complicated, she probably didn’t have anyone else she felt she could trust.

He realised how hard it must have been for her to reach out, to trust someone she only knew through a bond that had tainted her own life. Now that their mothers had found one another, their lives found themselves pushed together, reducing the distance somewhat, leaving space to build a familial space none of them had ever counted on.

“It’s moving.” She whispered. “The wall, it’s… it’s not a brick wall, anymore, it’s kind of… elastic. I can push against it, but it doesn’t break.”

“Try and find a way to make a hole in it?” He offered, at a loss. He understood what she meant but he had never had that kind of problem, nor heard about it. She nodded.

“It’s bursting, like a bubble.” She said so softly he barely caught her words. He saw a couple more tears on her cheeks, a relieved smile and an immediate look of excruciating pain. She collapsed, on her knees in front of the stand, grasping at the gravel on the ground as Cameron tried to catch her.

“Ellie, Ellie, open your eyes, Ellie…” He talked urgently and saw her eyes fly open, the pain there more than physical. He held her close, letting her cry silently on his shoulder. He could tell when she closed her eyes, suddenly shaking and relaxing when he moved his hand along her back.

After a little while, he held her up and led her to a bench in the shade, a little way away from the crowd. She was shaking from the shock, her hands were bleeding from the gravel, and she had large streaks of mascara on her cheeks. She took one of his hands in hers, trapping the gravel still stuck there between their palms, and closed her eyes again. She was trying to control it, to make it bearable again, to send something back.

She understood, now. She understood what her mother felt when Bernie had been hurt, because it was about more than sharing a pain or not sharing it. It was a ghost pain that had been there all along, that suddenly made sense and pierced through your own flesh. She knew it was possible to help, had seen it happen time and time again. There were still enough smells, the bakery nearby enough to last for a good while.

She channelled that, focused on what Cam had told her about making her space her home. She felt the pain recede, but the link was still there. She smelled something, a mix of sweat and a perfume she couldn’t recognise. She felt more tears on her cheeks but knew she was smiling too. They could work on that. They understood, and now maybe they could build something.

She was sobbing quietly, Cameron letting her gently rest against his side, their hands still entwined. He didn’t know what to say, didn’t think there was something to say. After a while he felt her calm down, longer breaths but still close to him, and he let go of her hand to take a look at her palm.

“I have a first aid kit in the car. I’m parked some way away, but I need to see to that.” He told her and she nodded, there was a smile on her lips that he doubted would disappear any time soon.

The gravel in his hand hadn’t pierced his skin but his hand was still covered in blood. He wiped it as best as he could so he wouldn’t leave traces anywhere and stopped at the last stand on the corner, about to order them both something warm before deciding that having Elinor hold anything given the state of her hands wasn’t a really good idea.

They walked in silence, Elinor letting out a laugh when she saw a bird land in front of them and look at them disapprovingly, surprising Cameron. Neither of them commented on it.

Having Elinor sitting on the edge of the boot and the first aid kit open, he inspected her hands and winced.

“This… is worse than I thought.” He smiled apologetically.

“Define worse?” There was a slightly annoyed edge to her tone that made him feel like she was slowly going back to herself.

“Well, I’m not entirely sure the first aid kit will suffice?” He looked in her eyes, knowing she would get the idea.

“Are you suggesting I need proper medical attention?” She asked, her tone slightly dangerous.

“Well, in as much as I am not entirely proper medical attention, yes, that’s what I mean.” He admitted.

“I assume you have an idea?” She demanded.

“Well, we have a list of options! There’s your mother, your father, my mother, my father, and A&E.”

“I was expecting something that was a good idea?” She was smiling, a little too widely.

“Well, if we rule out the maternal side, that leaves our fathers and A&E. Am I right to assume you’d rather it wasn’t your dad?”

“You would be. And given that I pissed off your dad yesterday, that might not be a very good idea, either.”

“Well, that leaves A&E, but let’s face it, you getting admitted with me accompanying you is going to cause us both a mountain of trouble and most likely get both sets of parents on our cases…”

“Mum.” Elinor sighed.

“You’re sure?”

“Well, technically, the both of them, I don’t expect to be able to pry them apart…”

“We can each kidnap our mum and let the other do their bit?” She sighed at his answer. “We should call though, no need to drive there if they aren’t there.”

“No need to drive there if we’re going to interrupt something we’d rather not witness.” Elinor added. Cameron winced.

“Don’t. Just… don’t.” She laughed, then sobered up.

“Thank you, Cam, for all this. Thank you.” He could see in her eyes how much it meant to her. She pulled him into a hug, arms around his neck, trying not to touch his clothes so he wouldn’t walk around with a weird blood stain on his back.

“You’re welcome. I’m glad it worked.” He replied with a smile. “I’d offer a highfive, but for some reason I have a feeling it wouldn’t help;” He added with a grin. She smiled and stuck one of her elbows in his ribs. Yup, he had definitely adopted a little sister at some point in the past few days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: Unplanned family reunion and some team-building exercises.


	9. Watch and Learn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A couple of lovers wakes up lazily, a couple of siblings call for help, from blood shed come shed tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always for your wonderful comments! Thanks again to DaisyDoctor13 for her unwavering support in feeding the plotbunnies and telling me that even the most far fetched ones are worthy of an appearance.
> 
> This chapter leads to a family get-together of a kind, which is really more of a team-building exercise.
> 
> Warning: Stray feels on the loose.

Bernie woke up at the crack of dawn out of habit, the previous night not having taken in the ‘late shift’ factor. Not that it had been one, but there had been frenzied activity well into the night. She could have used a few more hours of sleep, although she was content just watching Serena, who was solidly wrapped around her.

Bernie tried to stretch slightly, testing her body’s reaction and realising that it would take much more stretching if she wanted to be able to walk without Serena giving her teasing looks. The woman was infuriating, insatiable, irresistible, and just plain cute, a mix that did things to her that she had no intention of ignoring.

She would probably be needing a shower some time soon, mostly for the company, as she had established the previous night that there was ample space for two in Serena’s. She had no intention of moving just yet though, and she felt Serena stir, a wave of comfort washing over her as she closed her eyes.

“Bernie?”

“Hm?”

“Remind me again why we have to leave bed?” She mumbled.

“We don’t.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.” Serena opened her eyes and kissed her lazily, stretching slightly and letting out a small hum. “I’ve never been so glad not having to go to work in the morning.” Bernie chuckled.

“You and me both, Campbell! You and me both…” She took a deep breath then sighed. “Your bed is criminally comfortable.”

“Just my bed?” She teased.

“Not quite.” Bernie replied, kissing her cheek, her jaw, then along her neck.

“Bernie…”

“Yes?” She looked up with a twinkle in her eye.

“I love you.” She said gently. Bernie just smiled.

“I remember hearing you say that last night.” She recalled, and Serena opened her mouth to reply before closing it again.

“And I remember you saying it back.” Serena replied with a smug grin. She remembered it rather vividly, too, the words whispered in her ear seconds before she came undone under Serena’s fingers. It had seemed natural, at the time, Serena saying it first, panting, resting in Bernie’s arms. It was different in the light of day though.

“I love you, Serena.” Bernie was looking at her with an intensity that made her heart beat a little faster. “And I have every intention of proving it.” She added, rather smugly, as her fingers stroke her. “Repeatedly.” Bernie had proved the previous night just how good she could be with her fingers, not that Serena had ever doubted her skills, in any capacity, but she seemed to be able to read Serena like an open book, something she wasn’t sure she had managed to properly reciprocate.

“Serena?” Bernie said lightly, snapping Serena out of her daydreaming. “Stop thinking.” She insisted and closed her eyes, Serena doing the same. They had managed to find a rhythm, taking as slow as their bond and bodies could take.

The previous night, past the initial discovery, needing to rest for a while, they had talked, exchanging stories about the scars they both had, identifying which part of their lives they were linked to. It had been a bittersweet discovery but their fingers had been followed by their lips, a reappropriation of those parts of their bodies as part of their common histories, the scars appearing in only one of their bodies but marking the both of them. The heaviness of the moment had disappeared now that they could see those scars, get acquainted with their image too. Neither of them were a blank page, and they would never get tired of reading between those lines.

A few sighs and a shower later, following the call of their stomachs, their physical exertion counting for something in that equation, they came downstairs to fix themselves some breakfast, hoping to relax for the rest of the morning and make plans for the rest of the day.

 

* * *

 

  
For practical reasons, Cameron was holding Elinor’s phone as she called.

“Mum, it’s me.” She started. Cameron could hear in her voice that she was a little unsure and he knew Serena would be able to hear too.

“Ellie?”

“Can… can I come by, for a bit?” She asked, biting her lip. Cameron used his free hand to slap his forehead in defeat. Two minutes later they were on the road.

“You do realise that I’ll be the one having to do the explaining now, don’t you?” He asked, not really cross, just… amused.

“I think the state of my hands is self-explanatory.” She replied.

“Not from a medical standpoint, no.” He laughed. Fine, they’d deal with it as it went.

He opened the door for her in an effort not to leave blood everywhere and his mother was the first to see them. She smiled tentatively, completely ignoring the blood and the streaks of mascara. Cameron huffed.

He felt something change in Elinor and she all but launched herself at Bernie, her arms around her neck in another attempt not to leave blood everywhere, surprising Bernie who almost fell over. She automatically wrapped her arms around Elinor to keep them both standing. Neither of them said anything.

Cameron was the first to realise what happened next. He helped catch her in time as she fainted right as Serena arrived, her face ashen as she looked at her daughter.

“It’s not as bad as it looked.” Cameron started, meaning to be reassuring, faced with two very irate surgeons. “It really isn’t.” He stressed. “The tears were mostly a mix of pain, not her own, and relief, mostly her own. Her hands are, well, what happens when you find yourself kneeling on gravel in too much pain.” He winced, that bit he felt responsible for. “And the fainting is probably exhaustion.” He finished.

They were each examining one hand. The one Cameron had held had a lot less damage than the other and could probably be dealt with there. The other, he suspected, would need stitches. Serena’s eyes were almost piercing through Elinor’s flesh while Bernie looked at her son.

“She called me. Wanted some help reaching out to her soulmate. It got a lot more intense than either of us expected. Their bond is clearly very strong, going from nothing to everything, with that level of pain…” He explained, unwilling to describe just what he’d seen.

“Ellie…” He said softly, noticing her eyes fluttering open. “Was the fainting strictly necessary?” He teased. She shot him a glare and stuck out her tongue, making him laugh, surprising their mothers.

“She’ll be okay.” He pointed out. Their mothers shared a look. It was starting to look like their children’s relationships were not just for show.

He watched them work together, cleaning what could be cleaned, wincing at the rest, Elinor seemingly unaware of the pain. He had taken a few steps back, but could notice she did her best to keep her eyes open, unsure whether she didn’t want to share the pain, or didn’t want to receive more. She was still in shock.

Serena had been stunned as she had seen the trio by the door. Elinor hugging Bernie had not been something she’d ever pictured, her fainting in her arms had definitely not made the list either. She looked absolutely dreadful and Cameron seemed to have been at least partly responsible. There would have to be some soulmate talk somewhere down the line, too.

She went to the hospital with her while Cameron stayed behind with his mother.

“She’s in shock. She’ll need time, she’ll need Serena.” He explained softly.

“I don’t understand why she…” Bernie started looking in the distance.

“Why she hugged you?” Cameron offered, his mother nodded. “I think a lot of things started to make a lot of sense at once, she has a lot to process, and her first thought when she saw you was probably that you deserved a hug.” He shrugged. He knew he’d never understand what Elinor had gone through, but that’s what sense it seemed to make.

“Why didn’t you go directly to the hospital? You didn’t need us to see she needed stitches.” Bernie asked.

“Well we listed the possibilities. Eliminated all of them and started over.” He chuckled. “She needs more than just medical attention. She told me there was a brick wall, Mum, and she worked through it, but… but I don’t think that wall was really… I think a lot of things went through, I think a lot of her rebellion came from that, from fighting whatever it was. The pain, Mum… You should have seen it, it…” His eyes welled up and he felt his mother’s hand squeezing his thigh.

“She wasn’t ready. Serena can help her, but she’ll need more than that. When she opened her eyes again… she was different, like a weight was lifted but there was another one there, it’s…” He stopped, running out of words. “I should have protected her, Mum, stopped her before that!” He let out, knowing the look of pain on her face would haunt him.

“You did what you thought was right, it had to happen eventually, at least you were with her.” Bernie replied gently, meeting his eyes. He swallowed any other reproach he had and leaned back into the sofa.

He suddenly took out his phone and started typing: “Long story short, if you’re at the hospital, Elinor is in with Serena, stitches, I’ll explain later. -C”

“They’re here, everyone is staring, there is more mascara on Elinor’s cheeks than eyes. Is she going to be okay? -M”

“I think so. She’ll just have to invest in waterproof mascara. -C”

  
“Something funny, Doctor Digby?” Morven turned around to find Serena there with half a smile on her face.

“Sorry, it was just… Cam…” She let out a giggle before realising what she had said and looking at Serena’s face. “He texted me to tell me you two were coming, I said something about Elinor’s makeup… that’s all.” She tempered, a smile still eating at her face. “We exchanged numbers after meeting one too many times on the roof to vent.” She finished. She saw Serena relax a little. “He’s nice, and considerate, and he doesn’t pry.” She pointed out, more to herself than to her.

“He really is nice.” Elinor appeared behind her mother, talking softly but assuredly.

“Well you wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for him.” Serena snapped.

“Mum, I asked him to come with me, I asked for his help, he had no way of knowing the first thing I’d feel was excruciating pain.” Elinor shouted, the entire ward stopping for a moment. Looking in her eyes, both Morven and Serena could tell it wasn’t anger, but pain.

“Are we done here?” She asked, biting back tears that were, this time, physical pain. She took the look on her mother’s face for a yes and said “I’ll find my way home.” over her shoulder. Serena didn’t notice Morven calling Cameron while the entire ward froze. By the time Cameron answered it was still silent and Morven bit her lip, knowing she’d have to improvise.

“Cameron? It’s Morven. Elinor just left, alone.” Her voice was steady, friendly, trying not to let anything transpire.

“Fuck!” She heard, then something in the background. “Sorry, Mum. Thank you, Morven.” The noise around them had resumed, Serena inching closer. Morven put him on speaker.

“Serena, off the top of your head, what are the top 3 places Elinor feels safest in?” He asked. Morven was glad he couldn’t see the rage on her face.

“Her rooms, at mine and Edward’s.” She answered without hesitation, a touch of annoyance, the rest carefully held back. They heard some noise in the background.

“Charlie, it’s Cam. You probably haven’t seen or heard of Elinor, if you do stay with her? She has mascara on her face, and bandages on her hands, but she’ll be alright. It’s soulmate related, she’ll need all the support she can get.” They didn’t hear the answer. “Serena, she won’t go to your place, would she want to see her father right now.” Cameron continued.

“She rarely does.” Serena pointed out. “Not unless she needs something.” Their cohabitation was notably difficult.

“Charlie offers to check, but thinks it’s a bad idea given how much like Mum she looks.”

“She probably wouldn’t go there anyway.” Serena said.

“That leaves us with nothing.” Cameron sighed. “Anything else, anything? There’s go to be somewhere else?” He sounded calm, but Morven could tell there was an edge to his voice.

Serena gulped, reminded of the interrogation her daughter had subjected Bernie to, thinking that Bernie could probably do much better with her own children, the thought not helping as she tried to think of something. Where would her daughter feel safe? She should know that! What hurt was that there was somewhere safer for her than home, even though their relationship was stretched.

“The zoo!” They heard from very far away. It was Charlotte. “The zoo, she mentioned it the other day, when we brainstormed questions.”

“Which zoo?” Cameron asked.

“I’ll call Edward.” Serena’s voice wasn’t as steady as she’d have liked, and she didn’t much like the idea, but she knew Elinor needed someone with her, even if it clearly wasn’t her at the moment. If what it took was trying to reach her ex-husband for childhood memories, then so be it.

“No, Serena, wait!” She heard Bernie’s voice and froze. “It’s in the photo album, it’s the same we went to, I remember it, Cam, it’s the one with the penguins?”

“Mum, there are penguins in every zoo!” Cam exclaimed, amused.

“Here, that’s the pictures I meant.” She had found the right pages in both albums.

“Ah! Those penguins! Of course!” Morven and SErena exchanged a look. Morven realised she probably shouldn’t have stayed, but it was her phone.

“There are pictures, quite a few of them, in the aquarium? I think it’s the aquarium, well, there’s plenty of water anyway.” Bernie described, rather unhelpfully.

“I remember the place, Bernie, it’s… it’s on the right, next to the entrance, I think. The queue to get in there must be huge at this time of day, there’s no way either she, or us, would manage to get in any time soon.” Serena pointed out.

“Not if you have a year pass.” Charlotte said. “And she did mention having one. Something about finding peace in the chaos, or something like that.” There was a silence on all ends of the lines.

“Mum? Call her, I think she’ll answer you.” Cam finally said.

“Wh-what? I’m probably the last person she wants to talk to right now.” Bernie pointed out.

“Actually, I’m probably the last person she wants to talk to right now.” Serena sighed bitterly.

“What did you say to her?” Bernie asked.

“Something about Cameron, she flew off the handle.” Serena summed up.

“That’s one way of putting it.” Morven muttered, realising too late that they could probably all hear her. Serena’s dark stare wasn’t really encouraging. She didn’t look forward to Serena being back on the ward as much, all of a sudden.

“May I suggest we regroup?” Bernie said, knowing Cam wouldn’t dare. “Serena, there’s no point in staying at the hospital, she won’t be heading back here, and unless you want to be swamped by thousands of patient files…”

“Alright, I’m on my way.” She waited though, making sure she wouldn’t miss the end of the conversation.

“Charlie?”

“I’m at the gym, I can be here in five, ten if I shower.”

“Good. Thank you Morven.”

“No problem. Good luck.”

“She’ll be fine. She’s strong. She got it from you.” Morven smiled at Serena who didn’t seem so angry after all, just exhausted.

“Well she clearly got the grudge holding and the temper from me too.” Serena muttered, making Morven chuckle.

“Good luck.”

“Thank you, I think I’m going to need it.”

  

* * *

 

 

Elinor was huddled at the end of a bench facing the huge jellyfish tank. She had always liked the place. Even surrounded by loud music and plenty of visitors, there was no frenzy in the jellyfish movements. She often put some music on, anything, even the loudest she had, and just found her own peace.

It was her home away from home, when home was too much, when it was all fights and no fun. She rarely used her zoo pass for anything else, sometimes she slowed down along the aquarium galleries, but she mostly went straight for the jellyfish.

She felt her phone in her pocket and took a deep breath. Her mum, probably. She was surprised to see it was Bernie. She hadn’t expected that. She wouldn’t hear much unless she moved, but she didn’t want to leave, not just yet. She’d have to make do.

“Hello?”

“Ellie?” Elinor noticed she’d used her nickname, in a way that felt… comforting, almost. “Serena said you’d left the hospital, I just wanted to check you were okay.” Elinor wasn’t sure whether Bernie spoke softly or the noise around her was worse than she’d thought.

  
“Bernie.” She started, using her nickname too. She didn’t see the point not to anymore. “It’s the pain.” She said. “The pain, it’s not mine, but in the way it is. I wanted to talk to Mum about it but…” She stopped, not sure where to go next.

“How do you cope? How do you handle it? I don’t mean block it, I can’t block it all without completely isolating myself and I don’t want to do that anymore. It’s a part of me. Not just the bond, but the pain too, and everything else. It’s like being free, but with stretchy chains.” She kept going, not sure where, not sure why.

“I don’t want that sad, empty feeling anymore.” She said. “But I don’t know if I can handle it. I don’t know how to navigate it. Cam helped. He really did. But I need someone who knows pain. Even from the other side of things.” She stopped, waiting, hoping for an answer. It took a while to come.

 

“Ellie, there’s one thing I used to do. I don’t do it anymore, because I haven’t needed it for a long time, but it worked for me, and maybe you can find a way to make it work for you.” Bernie started, speaking softly. Elinor thought she could hear birds in the background, she had probably gone out of the house.

“When I need to keep pain to myself, my own or your mother’s it doesn’t matter, it’s just as real to me if it’s bad enough to need it, I wrap it around me. Like a blanket, you have to let it wrap itself around you, everywhere. It’s like spreading it, but it always stems from the same place. Imagine a cocoon, but tighter, and if you move it loosens, but sometimes you have to move so you have to tighten it where it loosens so you don’t lose control of it. “

“It’s hard, it took me time to make it work, to do it fast enough, but after a while it became second nature. But you can’t take all the pain, even your own, there are always part of it that go away, and letting it go is the only way to deal, the only way not to let it destroy you.”

“Over time you learn how to minimise what you send, you’ll learn not to take in everything you receive, and it’s hard, because you realise you can’t help, that you’re partly responsible for the suffering of the other, but it’s also what bonds are for, support. There are other ways to relieve pain, offering comfort in any way, as a distraction or sharing something strong enough that it eclipses the pain for a while, on both sides.”

“You’ll have to find your own balance, and sometimes the only way is to keep your eyes open, I know that’s what your mother had to do, more than once, and I’ve never resented her for that. It’s always an option, when it’s too much, but you have to remember it, because it’s easy to forget, easy to stay in that space even if it’s filled with pain.”

“But it’s not always filled with pain. Sometimes there are moments, often even, of sharing positive things, any kind of positive thing, and the worst pain you endure, the more you cherish those moments, the one you receive and the ones you send.”

“A bond, a strong bond, is overwhelming in many ways, and every person deals differently. I think your mother’s ways of dealing are considerably healthier than mine, but I’ll be there if you want to talk about it.” Bernie finished, her voice low, surprised how much she had been able to say, how naturally it had come to detail her bond to someone she, in the end, barely knew. She could feel Serena a few steps behind her but didn’t turn around, waiting for Elinor to reply.

“Thank you. I’ll be home in a bit.” Bernie heard and Elinor hung up. She took a deep breath before turning around and saw tears on Serena’s face. She waited a moment before moving again, extending her hands. Serena took them, still at arm’s length.

“She’ll be okay, she’s just a little shaken. She’ll need you, more than she thinks she does, more than you think she thinks she does. She’s strong, Serena. She got that from you.”

“And I got that from you.” Serena replied, her voice breaking, but Bernie shook her head.

“No, you had that, I just helped you figure out where it was, and you did the same for me.” Bernie stepped slightly closer and squeezed her hands. “Serena, we’re in this together. Pain, pleasure, and unruly children.” She said, making Serena smile.

“If you don’t mind, I’d rather focus on only one of those things.” Serena replied, making Bernie smile.

“Unruly children it is!” She started walking, dropping a kiss in her hair and tugging on her arm for her to follow.

“I didn’t mean that one!” Serena protested, knowing full well that Bernie knew what she meant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: More feels, and some more family challenges.  
> [This is a live jellyfish cam!](http://www.montereybayaquarium.org/animals-and-experiences/live-web-cams/jelly-cam) (It’s only active at certain hours, but even the recorded bits are worth taking a look at.) It’s the first thing that popped into my head when I wrote that last section.


	10. Watching over you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calming things down and heating things up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the two week long hiatus! It was purely accidental, and I’m back on track now!
> 
> This chapter is a mix of family bonding, deep thoughts, and tinges of angst!
> 
> Thanks for all your comments, and thanks to DaisyDoctor13 for being the best!

Charlotte had arrived when they got inside, Cameron filling her in.

“Did you get to talk to her?” She asked. Bernie nodded.

“She’s heading back here. Or at least that’s how I interpreted her words.” She looked at Serena and they shared a quick kiss, making Bernie’s children groan and look away.  
“This is going to take some getting used to.” Cameron agreed, making his mother blush and Serena chuckle.

“Mum, before I forget, I wanted to ask, would you be up for a run in the morning?” Charlie asked as if talking about the weather, surprising everyone.

“Sure, just give me a time and place.” Bernie replied before her brain could process the meaning of the question. Her daughter, who was pretty much only starting to talk to her, asked her to exercise with her, in a way that might get them stuck in conversation.

“Here tomorrow at 8?” Charlie asked. Bernie nodded and Serena made a face.

“I’ll try not to wake you.” Bernie promised. Charlie and Cameron exchanged a look.

“I’ll be awake.” Serena stressed, looking at Bernie intensely, leaving the siblings to wince.

“There are things we don’t want to know.” Cameron remarked. They both turned toward him, Serena staring judgmentally, his mother the picture of innocence. He threw his hands in the air, making Charlotte chuckle.

They heard the door open and walked toward it, Bernie in front, followed by Serena, Cameron, then Charlotte. Elinor looked at Bernie, exchanging a long look and a small smile, ignored her mother and thanked Cameron who smiled encouragingly. She nodded to Charlotte who nodded back. When she finally turned toward her mother, Serena had tensed, Bernie’s hand on her back as support.

“You had hoped I could understand. I hope you’re happy now, because I do, Mum.” Elinor started talking in a low voice, and saw her mother gulp. “It’s so much more than pain, isn’t it? And what I blocked, all these years… I only let a small amount through, I understand that now. That’s where most of my need to rebel comes from, my need to break away, to free myself of whatever… chains my soulmate is subjected to.” She stopped to take a breath.

“My own pain was reflected to me when I couldn’t share it, adding to it again, and again. But I didn’t know that! I couldn’t feel that! That’s something no one warns you about, isn’t it, how much the slightest bit of feelings that’s shared can shape your life more than sharing every meal.” Her voice was breaking slightly and Bernie was standing slightly closer to Serena, a silent support she wanted to extend to Elinor too.

“I’m not ready for this, but I can’t live like that anymore. Now that I opened the bond again… I feel like I’m free. I understand. At least now I know my actions will be mine, and my choices, too. I can tell, now, if it’s my own thoughts or if there’s something… different, something that doesn’t come from me. That doesn’t mean I won’t follow it. But I get it.” Elinor knew she years worth of words and actions to mull over, understand, whether she hadn’t actually used that pain to her advantage, too.

“The bond is strong, possibly as strong as yours, and a bond like that is as much an oath as it is a destiny. It’s an oath I’m ready to take, but not ready to shoulder.” Elinor voice broke, and for a moment Serena remembered holding her when she was little, crying in her arms, and having closed her eyes to find another mother consoling her own child. She squeezed Bernie’s hand, grateful for her presence so close she could feel her warmth seep through their clothes.

“I’m not ready, not like this. But I want to learn at my own pace, with or without your help.” Elinor’s voice faded. Serena’s eyes were welling up and she took a step forward, taking Elinor’s bandaged hands in theirs.

“I’ll be there.” She promised. “We’ll both be.” Serena and Bernie said as one as Bernie stepped forward to stand next to Serena.

“Thank you, but I have one condition.” She paused, they were listening intently. “Please don’t speak together again like that, it’s creepy.” She smiled, making Cameron and Charlotte laugh.

“Tea?” Bernie offered. Elinor nodded and followed her.

 

 

“Elinor is here, she’s okay. Mum talked to her. Thank you for your help. -C”

“Texting Morven?” Serena asked, noticing he had stepped aside. Cameron nodded. “Thought she might want an update.” He didn’t want to get into that conversation, had a feeling there was still some animosity there. “Thanked her for earlier.” He added. Serena nodded.

“You two are close.” She pointed out, and Cam knew he had to choose his words carefully.

“We are both ill at ease with the situation. She’s the widowed soulmate everyone avoids, and I’m the son everyone is suddenly interested in. We vent together a bit.” He simplified. “It’s not easy for her, and I know she’s family to you. She wants to be happy for you, but the way the others act make her feel guilty, and angry. We’re a mismatched support system.” He added.

“You care about her.” He noticed Serena’s voice had softened.

“Yeah, she’s a friend. I like her.” He started. “A lot.” He admitted in afterthought. “But that’s it.” He finished, looking her in the eye, hoping she would be able to read how serious he was.

“Okay.” She smiled a tight smile that made him think ‘good enough’ and turned back toward the others.

 

 

Once they were all around the table with their tea, generously sweetened for the most part, Elinor’s mug with a straw in it although she glared down anyone who smiled at it, they all seemed to relax. Elinor was sitting between Bernie and Serena and Cameron was smiling at her. He started drumming a pattern on the table. Charlotte smiled but didn’t reply. Bernie didn’t budge, and Elinor ended up replying.

After a while, they were having a four sided conversation and Serena closed her eyes, hoping that she’d be able to catch the meaning of at least part of the conversation that way. She would have to ask Bernie to teach her Morse code. She could think of more intimate ways to use it. She opened her eyes to see Bernie blush. She had clearly gotten the message across.

“While you’re at it, if you could deliberate what you’d like for lunch, that would be lovely.” She asked with a fond smile. Taking into account Elinor’s hands, it would be a bit tricky to find something appropriate. She heard the stream of drumming stop.

“Pizza.” Bernie announced. “She can eat them with gloves, and we don’t have to cook.” She reasoned. Serena nodded in agreement.

“Could we please decide what to order out loud though?” They laughed. “And if a single one of you suggests pineapple and ham…” Cameron looked like a kicked puppy and his sister patted his head, earning herself a Wolfe Glare, reciprocating with a fit of giggles. Bernie and Serena exchanged a look. It looked like the tensions were starting to truly disappear.

 

 

  
They relocated to the couch to decide, passing the menu back and forth. After a little while as Serena tried to finalise the list, she realised she hadn’t heard from Elinor, who was all but nestled against her. Taking a look to her left she saw she had fallen asleep, with a small smile on her face.

“She mentioned bolognese earlier.” Cam pointed out, Charlotte nodding. Bernie went to get the phone, Serena rolling her eyes. Serena moved to rest her head slightly against her daughter’s, glaring as Cameron took a picture of the two of them.

“You better send me a copy of that!” Bernie all but ordered, making Serena sigh.

“You’re outnumbered, you can’t win.” Charlotte pointed out.

“I’m resourceful.” Serena replied, smiling at her.

“So are we.” Cameron grinned, earning himself a stern stare from his mother.

“Pizzas should be there in 20.” She announced, smiling fondly at Serena who looked like she might just fall asleep too.

“She can sleep, well, that means her soulmate is being careful, or not in as much pain anymore.” Cameron said, startling them all. They nodded.

“That’s good. She’s right about needing time to adjust.” Bernie looked at Serena who nodded.

“I never wanted that for her.” She breathed out, Bernie sitting next to her again, as close as she could without disturbing Elinor.

“We don’t choose, Serena, you know that. At least she won’t have to go through this alone, it’s probably coming at the right point in her life, too.” Bernie reasoned, before noticing just how serious her children looked. “You two alright?” Cameron nodded.

“Yeah, it’s just… sometimes, things like that make you wonder what the point of it all is. And then you meet people like you and Serena, some of the lucky ones, and it makes you wonder, is it fair? There is so much pain in the world, and knowing it’s amplified that way… you don’t normally think about that, do you?” She was talking softly, more to herself than to the rest of the room.

“Is that long shot at happiness really worth the suffering of all those who’ll never get that chance.” She was looking in the distance, Cameron had a hand on her shoulder.

“I think it is, Mum, I truly think it is, because there’s more to it than pain, but it makes you wonder… what’s the point? How does it truly work? How are people tied together, is it truly random, are some people destined never to meet from the start, or are some meant to meet the second they are paired together? It is a matter of luck, or are the dice loaded? Does everyone have a fair chance?” Those were questions they all chose never to think about too much.

“It would help, if you knew, you know, it would help those who search all their lives, it would help those who force themselves to be happy with what they have and promise themselves never to go on that wild goose chase. It would change everything, but it would make so many people less miserable.” She took a long breath.

“No matter how much you tell yourself that life goes on, that you have to make a life for yourself, there’s always that silver of hope, always that bond that gets in the way, isn’t there? It’s not the same with everyone, but… So many people search for the perfect partner they’ll never find and miss opportunities to be happy in their own right.” She hadn’t noticed Elinor’s eyes opening. Elinor took her hand.

“For so many people, the bond is the mean to an end, to meeting, but, look at our Mums. They never intended to meet, never thought they would, their bond helped them through their lives, it’s more precious than anything else, because it wouldn’t have meant much if they had met knowing little of one another.” Elinor still sounded a bit sleepy.

“It’s a gift and a curse, and you’re the only person who gets to decide which it is.” Elinor added. She had had time to think on the way back. There was a blank. Serena’s phone went off.

“Raf.” She announced. “He says they’re hugging on the couch, under a pile of Fletchlings.” She grinned, she wished she could have a picture of that!

“Well, you can tell him the bunch of us are squished on the couch too!” Serena nodded at Bernie before showing her the next few messages Raf had sent her. Things were well between him and Fletch, they had talked, and shared, decided to play it by ear, to stop resisting. Serena sent an encouraging reply, from the both of them.

 

 

  
The doorbell made them jump, and Bernie hurried toward the door, Charlotte in tow. Charlotte carried the pizza over to the table, seemingly effortlessly, impressing her brother.

“What, like it’s heavy?” She smiled at him playfully and started unpiling the boxes, checking their content to put them in front of their respective seats.

They spent the first few minutes of lunch exchanging slices until none of them had a full pizza anymore, Cameron being the one with the most variety, Serena’s sole rogue slice setting her aside.

They ate in silence, Cameron realising a few minutes in that Elinor had her eyes closed, and a small smile on her face. He nudged Charlotte and gestured toward their mothers. Elinor seemed to be making a point to share every taste at her disposal. She wasn’t getting anything back, but she could tell it wasn’t blocked. That was something.

The large amount of ice cream Serena had in store, partly thanks to the quick grocery run a couple days earlier, was viciously fought over. Three tubs were passed between the five of them, Charlotte and Cameron teaming up, as well as Serena and Elinor, leading Bernie to steal from both teams, temporarily torn between her two families. Two families, both alike in dignity… well, the way they ate wasn’t entirely dignified, but it was effective.

 

 

After lunch, they went back to the photo albums they had set aside after their last meal together. Finding a slightly more comfortable combination, they managed to all see what it was about without being piled up. It wasn’t just about the pictures, the faces, the family anymore.

They shared their memories, from those moments and others, related, that hadn’t made it to film, they shared what memories they had of their bond and how they had associated this or that, or shared something specific. It taught them more about one another than a simple leafing through could have.

They saw their mothers open up, about what they shared and felt, something neither of them normally did even, and perhaps especially with people close to them.

When Serena and Bernie started talking dinner, the three children started plotting the rest of the evening. The idea: finding a movie that would be fun to watch together, while, at the same time, would preferably annoy their mothers. They all agreed that Mamma Mia was out of the question, twice in two days just wasn’t an option.

“Wait, Elinor, what was your favourite Disney?” Cameron suddenly asked, exchanging a look with his sister.

“Mulan. Why?” They all shared a look, then a grin. “I’m fairly sure we still have it here somewhere, actually.”

“Do you have something to read VHS too?” Cameron chuckled.

“No, but I have the dvd.” She waved it victoriously. “We found something to watch after dinner.” Elinor shouted at their mums, who turned to her as one.

“What is it?” Serena asked suspiciously.

“You’ll see.” Elinor grinned. “It’s three against two anyway!” Serena and Bernie shared a look. It had been a complicated few days, but if it was to end with a questionable film choice, then it could have been worse.

After a dinner spent exchanging knowing looks, Serena and Bernie closed their eyes, seeking strength to survive the rest of the evening. They had put the dvd in the player earlier, the box out of sight, and not switched the tv on. There were bright grins on the youngest, and worried looks on their mums’ faces. When they finally turned the tv on, they heard two low whines. Even after all this time, they knew they’d still remember most lines, and probably echo them as one.

“Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow…” Bernie sighed as they started the film. It was going to be a long evening.

They found themselves having more fun than anticipated, all five of them in sync for ‘They popped out of the snow, like daisies!’, laughing at their shared memories. It wasn’t too bad, after all.

 

 

They all went home reasonably early, leaving Bernie and Serena to breathe. It was good having them around, although the day had started rather distressing, but being alone together again felt good. Things were mostly sorted, for now, they were all in speaking terms, had bonded over a Disney film, and other than Charlotte’s run in the morning, there was nothing planned in the near future. Maybe an early night was in order…

They tidied everything and looked at one another, Serena stepping forward to bridge the gap between them, kissing Bernie gently.

“They’ll be okay.” Bernie whispered, smiling slightly. Serena nodded. “We’ll be okay.” Bernie added with an even lower voice, resting her forehead against Serena’s.

“She really scared me there, for a moment.” Serena admitted, holding Bernie a little closer. “We need to help her.”

“I know. She knows we’ll be there, and she trusts Cameron enough to talk to him, so if something doesn’t feel right he’ll tell us.” Serena hummed her reply, kissing Bernie again and losing herself into the kiss.

“I don’t know where I’d be without you.” She spoke with her eyes closed and Bernie could feel the mix of comfort and insecurities that echoed her own.

“But we’re here, now, that’s all that matters.” Bernie’s voice had broken a little, the emotions of the day a little too much to process.

“May I suggest we make here upstairs?” Serena asked with a tinge of mischief in her voice, making Bernie smile. “Getting lost in ourselves might help.”

“Even if it doesn’t, it can’t hurt.” Bernie’s smile was slowly turning into a grin as she let Serena lead the way up the stairs. Getting rid of their clothes in Serena’s room, which was already their room in a way, would be a lot easier, and make them a lot easier to locate the next day.

 

 

They turned off the lights before meeting in the middle of the bed in a light embrace, eyes closed, finding their footing, already unable to keep their hands away from the other’s skin. There was no rush, they had all the time in the world, and decided to take the time to commit the other to memory, the body they had known so little about for so long, that had yet always been partly theirs.

It was about so much more than just scars and sensitive spots, it was about learning how the other’s skin felt under their fingers, and the reactions it led to, using that knowledge as a language, talking of their bond without words, pouring their love in touching the other to elicit a sigh that, in turn, revealed more about them. The dance of their fingers and lips felt endless, in a way that begged to be.

They were surprised to realise their balance was stronger and yet a little more flexible, both of them able to completely let go, give themselves entirely to the other without their bond backfiring. In those moments they both forgot to breathe, embracing their union, their trust, the feelings tying them together that went so much further than love the word seemed almost futile.

As they fell asleep, Bernie couldn’t help but wonder what the next day had in store for them. Serena pulled her close, already half asleep, mumbling something she didn’t catch. She closed her eyes and fell headfirst in the comfortable nest they had made for themselves. Sleep overwhelmed them both as they rested against the other in a tight embrace, a smile on both of their faces. Whatever happened next, they would face it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing quite like a good morning run to rock your world.


	11. Looking ahead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte has some explaining to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took longer to update than I’d planned, sorry. It's something I had planned for a good while now!
> 
> Thanks for your comments, and thanks for DaisyDoctor13 for everything!!!!!!

To be on the safe side, account for Serena’s attempts to keep her in bed a little longer, and her own nervousness, Bernie had set her alarm at 6 the previous night. She knew her daughter was usually early, and she wanted to make the most of that unexpected chance Charlotte was giving her.

At 4, she had found herself awake, restless. The warm presence of Serena in her arms had not been enough to lull her back to sleep.

After half an hour of catastrophe scenarios, her brain provided her with an excruciatingly long list of the most humiliating moments of her life, followed by more catastrophe scenarios. She checked the time, and the 5 seemed to stare at her judgmentally. She closed her eyes, tried to sink back into their little bubble, only to be greeted by a vaguely annoyed feeling instead of the usual dream haze.

“How long have you been awake for?” She heard, Serena’s voice a croaky whisper as she stretched slightly.

“An hour.” Bernie admitted sheepishly.

“How long until you have to be awake?” Serena sounded a little more awake herself now.

“An hour.” Bernie’s repeated words made Serena smile against her skin as she kissed the top of her shoulder.

“How likely are you to go back to sleep?” It was starting to sound like an interrogation, although Serena’s tone of voice hinted at activities that might get rid of the catastrophe scenarios…

 

Bernie was late in the end, running down the stairs as she heard the faint knock on the door. Charlotte greeted her with a smile and didn’t remark on her looking tired. She didn’t look like she had gotten much sleep either. Bernie closed the door gently, sensing Serena had gone back to sleep, picturing the contented smile on her face.

They hadn’t talked about where they were going, but were heading in the same direction so far. Bernie knew she’d let her daughter guide them, not intent on starting another conflict when she was only starting to welcome her back into her life.

They were jogging side by side, and Bernie was impressed. Charlotte had never expressed any specific interest in sports, but it looked like she had been training, and the way she was running betrayed an ease she must have been building up for a long time.

“Do you run often?” Bernie tried to start a conversation, hoping to dissipate the awkwardness. She saw Charlotte nod.

“Very. Keeps me going, compensates for the hours sitting down during lectures.” Charlotte kept looking straight ahead. “Clears my head.” She added quickly.

“I know the feeling.” Bernie replied, though she didn’t remember having that much of a need to clear her head at her age. “Something in particular bothering you?”

They reached the foot of a slope Bernie had a feeling would be fun. Charlotte looked at her with a side smile and they raced to the top, Bernie admitting defeat with good grace. She wondered whether it had been bad timing or Charlotte avoiding the question.

“A few things.” Charlotte admitted, stilted. Bernie realised she was probably somewhere in the top five. “What to do next, especially.” Charlotte was still looking ahead. Bernie frowned.

“With your bachelor you have a lot of options.” She had had the feeling from Cam that his sister had already picked something, but she didn’t recall him getting into any more detail. It had felt as if he wasn’t sure what was going on.

“I know, Mum. I’ve narrowed them down, quite a lot.” Charlotte let her words float for a moment.

“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?” Bernie encouraged her. There was little she thought Charlotte couldn’t do.

“It is. It’s taken me a while, but I know what I want. I know where I’m going. And I know university won’t get me there.” Charlotte was sneaking looks at her mother at regular intervals. Bernie was listening intently.

“That can be a good thing.” Bernie replied, not entirely sure where this was going. “Have you talked to your father about this? Not that he should influence your choice, but I’m just surprised…”

“That I’m talking to you about it?” Charlie replied with less animosity than Bernie had expected, clearly understanding that she didn’t mean for Charlotte to put her first now that they were in speaking terms again. “I have my reasons.”

“I… Thank you.” Bernie replied, not entirely sure what else to do other than looking where she was going. She wasn’t going to pry.

“I wanted you to be the first to know.” Charlotte started, biting her lip and looking straight ahead.

“Charlie, are you okay?” Bernie was worried, she had never seen that look on Charlotte’s face. She wasn’t resigned, and it wasn’t doubt, either. It was strong, almost harsh.

Charlotte turned her head, their eyes met, and Bernie could see the resolve there.

“I’m joining the army. Intelligence Corps.” Charlotte dropped the clipped words with ease despite the pace of their jog, her jaw set.

Bernie stopped dead in her tracks, forcing Charlotte to stop and turn around. Charlotte could see so many things on her mother’s face, worry, pride, concern, caring, and how moved she was.

“I’ve thought about it for a long time, wanted to finish my bachelor first.” She had graduated the previous summer, had carried on in the same branch without choosing a specific option, and Bernie now understood why.

“The, the assessments?” Bernie asked, the first thing that came through her mind. She could help, train together…

“Passed, with flying colours.” Charlotte replied. Bernie nodded, her smile growing a little bit more with every second she spent looking at her daughter. She went to hug her and Charlotte let her, hugging her back.

“Whatever you do, Charlie, I’ll always be there if you need me. It can be difficult. It will be difficult. But you can do it, I’m convinced of it.” She wasn’t looking at her, couldn’t, wasn’t sure she could let her go. “When are you starting training?”

“In two weeks. I have almost three years in total. It’s a long way to go, but it’s worth it.” Charlotte said, seeing approval in her mother’s eyes. “Given the situation…” She started.

“Yes?”

“I might take you up on that offer of staying at your flat for a bit if Dad doesn’t take it well.” She finished. She saw her mother smile brightly.

“Of course! Just… give me some sort of advance warning, it could use some tidying.” She paused. “Thank you. For telling me. For trusting me with this.” She added, emotion audible in her voice.

“I had to, Mum. I couldn’t let you find out any other way. Not you. I know how important the army is to you, it’s a huge part of your life, and it’s about to become part of mine too.” Charlotte looked at her, she looked lost but was still smiling.

“I… Did… Who do you intend to tell first, your Dad or Cam? Or both?” Bernie asked, not sure which of her other thoughts to formulate. Charlotte sighed.

“I want to do it separately, face to face.” She explained. “This a commitment, I’m not going to shy away from it, and I want to make it clear.” She paused. “Cam first. As soon as I can. Then Dad.” She cringed. “I know he won’t approve, and I know why, but I don’t think he gets it. Looking back, I’m really not sure he gets it.” She said, looking at her mother who shot her a tight smile.

“I remember once, hearing him say something along the lines of ‘When you marry a soldier, you marry the army too.’ And it’s always struck me as odd that he never really seemed to understand that.” Bernie nodded slowly.

“I think… I think most people don’t realise the difference between what people in the army go through and the army as we imagine it. Close family and friends get it a little better, but sometimes…” Bernie’s sentence trailed on.

“Sometimes some people refuse to see what’s right in front of them.” Charlotte replied. Bernie knew there was a double meaning to her words.

“Something like that.” She cringed.

“If you could, go back, right now, would you?” Charlotte asked, startling Bernie.

“I… I think so.” Bernie realised just how much had changed in her life since she had come back, and a firm ‘yes’ was no longer an answer she could give without fearing the impact it could have on what she had started to build for herself. Charlotte smiled.

“Because you can take the soldier out of the army but not the army out of the soldier?” She asked.

“Something like that.” Bernie repeated. “How about we walk the rest of the way?” She suggested.

“Mum! Come on!” Charlotte protested, making her laugh.

“Fine, but let’s stretch for a minute first, yeah?” Bernie smiled. Charlotte rolled her eyes with a matching smile.

 

  
They ran in silence until they reached Serena’s, and Charlotte didn’t protest when Bernie invited her inside. Serena was on her laptop on the kitchen table, squinting at something on the screen.

“We’re back.” Bernie pointed out.

“I can tell.” Serena looked over her laptop and notice something… peculiar, on Bernie’s face. Bernie rarely shared anything during her runs, she knew that, and all she’d gotten were very faint pangs of something emotional but she hadn’t paid much attention to it, putting it down to her running with Charlotte.

“I… Do you mind if I…?” She asked Charlotte who gestured for her to go ahead.

“She… The…” Bernie started again. Serena’s eyebrows started climbing her forehead, getting dangerously close to her hairline. Bernie struggling with words was hardly a surprise, but there was something in her eyes that betrayed a joy she had trouble containing.

Charlotte decided to put her out of her misery.

“I’m joining the army. Starting training in two weeks.” Bernie was biting her lip, Serena could suddenly feel a mix of pride and worry that overwhelmed her. She got up, trying to come to term with what she was feeling. What she felt toward Charlotte was special, and knowing what career path she was taking scared ger, especially knowing what her mother had gone through.

“Congratulations.” Serena’s brain provided the appropriate word, and the matching beaming smile.

“I asked Mum… If I could use her flat, in case Dad…” She explained, not sure why she was telling Serena.

“Yeah, Bernie, you might want to clean things up a bit first.” Serena teased. Bernie rolled her eyes.

“It’s not that bad.” Bernie assured Charlotte.

“Oh, it is!” Serena replied. Charlotte rolled her eyes.

“Can’t be worse than Cameron’s room.” Charlotte countered playfully.

“He’s pretty good at cleaning things up.” Bernie pointed out.

“No he isn’t.” Charlotte replied with a little satisfied smile. Bernie’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“I imagine there are both sides to this little exchange?” Charlotte nodded. “See, when I said the two of you could take over the world!”

“One stray sock at a time!” Serena added, making them both chuckle.

“I should go, get him first. If I talk to him before I shower he might reconsider hugging me.” Charlotte joked making her mother chuckle again.

“You can shower here if you want.” Serena pointed out.

“I think that was the opposite of the point.” Bernie replied. She shared a look with Charlotte.

“Thank you, for telling me. I’m glad what I lived and what I’ve put you through didn’t deter you.”

“It taught me a lot, Mum. There are still things…” She didn’t finish her sentence, looking her mother in the eye. “This decision is about me, it’s my choice, but I wanted to let you know first.” There were many meanings to her words, and Bernie chose to embrace all of them.

“Call if you need.” Bernie offered, having run out a words a while back. “And maybe let Cam have breakfast before you tell him.” She paused. “Let me know how it goes?” Charlotte nodded with a small smile, smiled at Serena and left. Bernie let herself sink on a chair.

“That’s… going to take a while to process.” She admitted. Serena came to sit next to her.

“She’s following in your footsteps, in a way. Knows partly what to expect”

“Yes, but…”

“But she’s your daughter, you’re scared, you don’t want to picture her going through what you’ve gone through.” Serena finished, Bernie nodding. “You’ll have to talk, the both of you, tell her what you haven’t told them before, share what you think she should know to be better prepared.”

“I will. But right now I need a shower.” She said, seemingly deep in thought, making Serena laugh.

“There’ll be coffee ready when you come back downstairs.” She said, kissing her cheek and going back to her laptop.

How had their lives changed so much in just a few days? Every day that passed seemed to add another layer, another change, that made the others feel like old news, like comfortable slippers in front of a slightly overheating fire. She knew Charlotte’s decision would impact all of their lives, knew that facing it together was the best way to be supportive of her choice, too.

 

 

  
“Cam?” His bedroom door was open, he was peering under his bed, looking perplexed.

“I think the sock monster is at it again. If you find a black and white striped stray sock, it’s mine.” He talked without looking up, reaching his arm under the bed and retrieving a plain grey sock. “Well, that explains a lot.” He sighed and finally looked at his sister. “Everything alright?”

“Can I talk to you?” She asked softly, strength in her stance.

“Of course.” They were standing awkwardly. He sat on his bed and she went to sit beside him.

“Before I start… I told Mum already, this morning.”

“Okay.”

“Dad doesn’t know yet.” She added. He nodded attentively. “I’m stopping Uni, going in the army.” She started, waiting for it to sink in. “Intelligence Corps.” Cam was looking at her. She couldn’t read his face. It wasn’t shock, or surprise, it wasn’t disdain or disbelief. He started smiling, a small smile that made her smile too.

“How long have you been thinking about it?” There was no judgement in Cameron’s voice, just curiosity, yet it felt like he already knew the answer.

“Consciously? A couple years. Unconsciously…” Cameron nodded.

“What did Mum say?”

“She hugged me.” Charlotte couldn’t contain her smile. It had been awkward, but she had feared her reaction still as they’d started their run, and the look on her face, the strength in her arms keeping her close, had meant so much more than any words she could have said.

“Wow, okay.” He paused. “Do you want me with you to tell Dad?”

“Thanks, but I need to do it on my own.” Charlotte’s resolve was showing again, and Cameron decided to drop the matter.

“When does the training start?”

“Two weeks…” There was a grin on Charlotte’s face that made him roll his eyes.

“You’ve really inherited Mum’s poker face, haven’t you?” He put a hand on her shoulder. “You’ll be brilliant.” She smiled.

“I think it’s in our blood. Maybe not the army but…”

“I know what you mean. Thank you.”

“I’ll be there if you need me.” She nodded and got up. He saw her stand straight, take a deep breath, and square her shoulders. He took a quick picture and sent it to his Mum.

Charlotte had gone in the office and closed the door.

Cameron was still sitting on his bed, holding his breath, expecting shouting. He wasn’t surprised to hear his father raise his voice, but Charlotte replying on the same tone made him shiver. She knew what she wanted, her mind was made, and her resemblance to their mother seemed, to Cameron, to be more and more obvious.

The silence that followed scared him. With him gone in a week, Charlotte would be stuck with their dad. He hoped she wouldn’t be too proud to ask their mother for help. “Leave Mum out of this! I’m old enough to make my own choices.” He heard the door open and Charlotte walked out. Her expression was the same as before.

“I’ll pack a few things, come back for more later.” She disappeared into her room and was back shortly after. She had retained a lot more of military techniques than he had, apparently, or maybe her preparation had been more elaborate than he’d thought.

He wondered, in retrospect, how he hadn’t noticed before. The army had always been omnipresent in their lives, even after their mother had left, but this was different. She was different, and her confidence made him proud.

“I’m heading to Serena’s, Mum’s probably there. She said something about tidying up.”

“If anyone says anything about family meals, consider me ready.” He cringed.

“I don’t have a choice.” She didn’t apologise. He hadn’t expected her to.

“I know, but he does. He should respect yours. You’re old enough to know what you want and make it happen. Most of his reactions are out of spite, because of Mum, though it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that she didn’t push you into it. He’s not even worried about you just angry. He doesn’t get it.”

“You know what the good thing is about Mum finding Serena?” Charlotte sudden change of subject took Cameron by surprise.

“She makes her happy?”

“She gets the hugs she deserves.” Charlotte’s words made Cameron roll his eyes.

“You’ve gotten sappy too!”

“Shut up!” Charlotte protested, punching him lightly in the shoulder before heading out. “Good luck with the socks!” She shouted as she passed the door, making Cameron smile.

 

 

Serena closed her laptop as she heard Bernie making her way down the stairs. They didn’t talk as they sipped on their coffee, closing their eyes at regular intervals, expressing what words couldn’t encompass.

They ended up relocating on the couch, Bernie half leaning on Serena. The coffee hadn’t quite been enough, and it wasn’t very long until Serena felt her falling asleep. She rolled her eyes and lightly reached for the book next to her. She opened it and sighed. This was the kind of comfort she’d never have suspected existed, although her neck wouldn’t thank her later.

She was still engrossed in her reading, Bernie’s weight pressing a little more against her as she had relaxed fully in her attempt to find a comfortable spot, when the doorbell rang. Bernie sprang awake with the cutest sheepish look Serena had ever seen. She kissed it away and walked to the door, only partly surprised to find Charlotte there. She gestured toward the couch. Bernie was peering over it, making Serena chuckle. Charlotte shook her head.

“I take it he didn’t take it well?” Bernie didn’t sound surprised, just a little concerned.

“That’s an understatement. But I expected it.” Charlotte decisive tone impressed Serena.

“Cam?” Bernie asked, wondering how her eldest had taken the news.

“Is being a supportive big brother, trying to find a soulmate for each of his sock.” Serena noticed how much Charlotte’s smile looked like her mother’s.

“And how is that going?” Bernie laughed.

“Seemed to be distracting him enough from the fact that Dad will be impossible to be around for a while.” Charlotte knew her brother could handle it, and wouldn’t resent her for it, but it still weighed on her mind.

“I assume you’ve reconsidered the flat offer then?”

“Yeah, I know this is short notice, but…” Charlotte shot her most convincing cute smile, but soon realised it wasn’t needed. It only made her mother melt a little bit more, and even Serena seemed to be affected.

“It’s fine, Charlie, really. But there’s more than a couple stray socks to chase around before it’s decent.” Serena laughed at Bernie’s understatement.

“Well, if I’m going to live there, the least I can do is help tidying!” Charlotte’s offer came with a genuine smile that made her mother smile in return.

“Serena, fancy joining us?” Bernie looked up at Serena lovingly.

“I’ll let you two bond over your mess.” Serena smirked. “Have a few chores that need dealing with here, they’ll be easier to do without you here to distract me.”

“Hey!” Bernie protested loudly, pouting, while Charlotte closed her eyes. Too much information, again.

“Shoo!” Serena’s playful tone earned her a thorough kiss that made Charlotte whine a little. As happy as she was for her mother, there was only so much of her happiness she could bear witnessing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: a little mother-daughter bonding moment, and more soulmate talk!


	12. Looking back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having agreed to let her daughter use her flat, Bernie takes her there to sort through some things, opening up as they clear the space. Serena is unsure what the future has in store for them, but is ready to face it with Bernie by her side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter to go after this one! I know it took me ages to get there, and I’m really sorry about that, but the epilogue is already written, so you won’t have to wait too long for it at least!
> 
> As usual, many, many thanks for DaisyDoctor13, without whom I’d probably never have gotten that far (in the fic, and in my love for Charlotte!)
> 
> Also I don’t have anyone in any way similar to Aunt Ada in my family, I have *no* idea where that came from… (but now I want to know more -_-)
> 
> Thanks to all those who read, kudo-ed, commented thus far, and thank you for your patience. I hope this will have been worth the wait!

They had agreed to take Bernie’s car to her flat, and found sharing the space more uncomfortable than anticipated. They occasionally opened their mouths in turn to say something before thinking better of it, never meeting the other’s eye. Bernie ended up turning the radio on, which offered them a gardening program she soon cut short.

The drive wasn’t long, or at least it didn’t seem like it, but to Charlotte it felt endless. She’d never been to her mother’s flat, had a vague idea of where it was, and it felt to her as if every green light turned red the second they approached.

She smiled when a sparrow came to investigate the windshield wipers at a particularly long one, and heard her mother let out a small laugh. They finally shared a glance, the bird startled as the car behind them honked loudly.

The atmosphere in the car lightened from there, and there was something chipper in the way Bernie walked up the stairs to her flat, not surprised to see her daughter matching her pace. The way she moved felt, to her, like a reminder of how hard she’d already trained to get in the army. She winced before unlocking the door, letting Charlotte in first. Her daughter’s laugh filled the room as she stepped in. They had work to do.

 

  
While Serena had meant what she had said about having chores to do, finding her home suddenly empty made it hard to breathe. In just a few days, Bernie’s presence by her side had become essential, something she couldn’t live without. The strength of their bond, now that they were close, was overwhelming, and only being able to feel it faintly made her feel incomplete.

No matter how strong their bond was, they were both independent women, and Serena refused to let that change. In giving them time, Hanssen might just have given them a taste of what could be, but condemned them to rein it in thoroughly once back at work. They would have to find their balance there, too.

Serena knew that meeting Bernie had changed her, lifted a weight from her shoulders and, to some extent, given her more confidence. This was one more thing they had to talk about, that and discussing their return with Hanssen.

Serena wondered what state she’d find her ward in, how Bernie would find her place there. She didn’t want Bernie to be perceived as an extension of her. She knew Bernie had the skill and presence to stand out for herself, but she couldn’t help worrying.

She sipped on her coffee absentmindedly, wincing when she realised it was cold. Closing her eyes for a second she felt a lightness, a contentment, coming from Bernie, making her smile.

 

  
Bernie started by opening the blinds, flooding the room with light.

“Serena wasn’t exaggerating!” Charlotte made it sound like she was describing a particularly scrumptious cake. It would be a challenge. Bernie frowned. They could make the place presentable in no time if they worked together, she just had no clue where to start.

She removed a plaid and pillow from the sofa, left over from a meagre attempt at letting mindless tv lull her to sleep. She knew she’d never have to try again, not with Serena close. She dumped herself on the sofa, Charlotte sitting next to her a little more carefully.

“So, battle plan?”

Charlotte looked around.

“I see three categories: things that need to go in the bin, things that need to go in the clothes hamper probably, and… the content of boxes you’ve barely even unpacked and might want to stack just to get a clear look at them.” Bernie nodded her approval.

“Sounds about right.”

Filling the bin proved quick, even when they took the time to peer into the fridge, which was a lost cause. Charlie stared at her mother but said nothing. Bernie gathered a cardigan, stray socks, and a few more things and stacked them on top of the washing machine.

They were left with box upon box of memories, trinkets, mostly because in her rush to leave, Bernie had labelled the boxes before filling them, leading to some of the more useful things to be left in storage after a couple mix ups.

“I don’t understand how you can be so organised and messy at the same time.” Charlotte had chuckled, not a judgement but rather an appreciation of the feat.

“When you live surrounded by strict order too long, letting some mess into your life is a luxury.” Bernie explained, or tried to explain, before realising that Charlotte understood, knowing that she’d only understand more and more as the years passed.

There was little place for messiness in the army, and while Charlotte had always liked order, Bernie knew her daughter would most likely adopt the same view.

“What about Serena?”

“Um?”

“Is she order, or mess?” Charlotte’s genuinely curious question took Bernie aback. She had never really thought of it that way, but now that she thought about it…

“I think she’s both, she puts order in my life, and, because we’re even more unpredictable together as we are separately, she’s the wild spark of an even bigger fire.” Bernie paused, looking at Charlotte and past her. “But I think, deep down, she’s the order, and I’m the mess.” Bernie smiled widely, almost proudly, and saw her daughter frown.

“You’re not a mess.” It was a statement, nothing more, but it surprised Bernie. “And I think you’re both both and neither at the same time. You’re not polar opposites, you… Even with your bond, you wouldn’t be this close if you didn’t already have so much in common.”

Bernie looked in the distance, pondering her daughter’s words. She was right, as she often was about people, but when it came to Serena Bernie hadn’t managed to take enough of a step back to see the bigger picture yet. They were still in their little bubble, and Bernie knew it would burst, soon.

They’d have to face the word together, as a couple, and now more than ever, now they were side by side, Bernie felt she might not be able to protect her. Charlotte saw her mother’s face fall and put a hand on her arm.

“I…” Charlotte’s voice was almost a whisper, not meeting her mother’s eyes even when she turned toward her. “Is it…” she bit her lip, before looking up. “Have you always been able to trust her, Serena, I mean through the years…” Bernie frowned, wondering where that was coming from. She nodded eagerly, there was no one she trusted more.

“Did something happen?” She was worried now, the look on Charlotte’s face was unsettling.

“No, I don’t know, but sometimes… sometimes it doesn’t feel comfortable, not because of what we exchange, but more… because of who we are?” She pondered the rest of her explanations, not sure how to phrase it to someone who’d clearly never been in that situation.

“Can soulmates be incompatible? Or only compatible at certain points of their lives? We share now, but it’s forced, and it’s like we share the same things back and forth.” She paused. “They might just live next door, but…” She whispered this time. “I don’t think I’d like to meet them.”

She was looking at her hands, playing with the hem of her top. It was the first time she’d voiced those thoughts, and they were no less scary than they had been trapped in her head. She felt her mother step closer and put her arms around her.

“I don’t know.” Bernie whispered as close to her as she could. “You were right, the other day, we know so little about how it works, but whatever happens, that place you share has to be a safe space. Even at the darkest of our days, Serena and I made sure of that. However important the bond is… you have to put yourself first, trust your instincts.”

Charlotte nodded slightly.

“Is there something specific? What makes you feel like you’re incompatible?” Bernie was concerned, realising how much her relationship with Serena could impact her daughter, and how her bond could be a weight on her shoulders when she had a goal so close she could almost touch it.

“I don’t know, but there’s this… aggressiveness, and it’s hard not to retaliate. I feel anger, and I don’t know if it’s toward me or the rest of the world. Sometimes it just… chokes me. It’s not pain, not really, it’s just… It’s difficult, like an endless arm wrestle match, but one of the players disappears and the other crashes.”

It suddenly helped to speak, the words flowing when she had spent so long reining them in.

“But at the same time, I feel like they’re so close, I… Everything they share is familiar, everything. Sometimes I walk in the street and look around me and wonder if it’s not… But I wouldn’t even know… Mum, I wouldn’t even know. And I don’t know if I’m ready to share enough so that, if we ever do meet… I don’t know, I’m just tired of fighting, because I don’t know who I’m fighting anymore.”

Charlotte hadn’t let Bernie go, not ready to meet her eyes yet. Bernie let her speak, waited for her to start again, holding her close without smothering her.

“I’ll see… with training, I’ll give it a few days, maybe a week, see how I cope, on all fronts, and block it if I need to. I can’t let that get in the way. I just can’t.” She was crying now, just a few stray tears Bernie caught halfway down her cheeks.

“You’ll be alright. I’ll be there for you.” Bernie’s promise made Charlotte smile.

“Thanks, Mum.” She sighed. “We’ll be there all day, too, if we don’t get a move on.” And with a cheeky smile she let go gently and gave the room a once over.

She didn’t want to pry, didn’t want to dig into those boxes, not sure her mother wanted to see what was in them, not sure she wanted to see it either, but it was mostly innocuous things, some that brought back memories that made them both smile, some reminders of family members they had lost, and the marks they had left in their lives.

“Had there been soulmates in the family?” Charlotte didn’t realise she had voiced the question until she heard her mother start to answer.

“I don’t know, I don’t think so, and I think most people were… repressed about that kind of thing.” She smiled. “There was one person, Aunt Ada, well, your great-great aunt. She was close to her soulmate, when you went there it felt like they lived there with her. They had a seat at the table. It was never set for them. Toward the end, people started to worry whether it was her clinging to the idea of soulmates, or if there was a real problem hidden behind her logic.”

“What do you think it was?”

Bernie took a long time to reply, and did so with a bittersweet smile.

“I think she met him, before the war. I saw a picture once, just a glimpse. She’d never shown it to anyone, I think. The look on their faces spoke for itself.”

“You think he died there?”

“Well… I think he never came back.”

“How did she die?”

“In her sleep, peacefully. It was the perfect death, for her, if there’s ever something like a perfect death.”

“They were finally reunited then.” Charlotte sounded almost hopeful, and frowned when she saw the look on her mother’s face.

“She didn’t believe in anything after life. For her, life was a one off on/off switch, one moment there was light, the next there was darkness.” Bernie paused. “There was no stepping toward the light for her. But she was ready. When she poured us tea, she used to say ‘I enjoy it as if it’s my last’ and smiled, but I think she’d always lived like that.”

“Has… has your job ever made you feel like that?” Charlotte sounded hesitant, and meant more than just the army. She could only imagine what her mother had seen out there as a doctor.

“Yes, sometimes, especially when it gets too close, when you’re faced with someone, dead or dying, and realise that, if it wasn’t for something insignificant, you’d have been on that bed.” Bernie sighed. “That’s why I treasured every moment I had with you two when I was home, as much as I could anyway.”

“What about Serena?” Charlotte question surprised Bernie, and she had to take a moment to answer.

“What we had was a constant, there was never a question of whether or not we were involved in our exchanges. I guess… I guess sharing with her meant I cherished every little thing I could, for a whole other reason.” Charlotte nodded, she wasn’t sure she understood, but it felt comforting to know her mother had someone, there, while she was away.

“Is there anything you didn’t share?” Charlotte expected her mother to cut the conversation short at every question, but was surprised to see she kept answering.

“There are things… things you try, hope, no to share, pain, anger… For us it was mostly about dulling it, our bond is too strong to block it completely. There are things, sometimes, you don’t realise you need to block…” Bernie was reminded of the conversation she’d had with Serena. Charlotte seemed to be waiting for her to elaborate, but figured it out on her own.

“That… Yeah…” She chuckled, then sighed. “If I ever meet them… we’ll have to have a word about that.”

“So it’s not that blocked then?” Charlotte hadn’t meant to stir the conversation back to her, but she found explaining to her mum more helpful than her own deliberations.

“It’s… it’s in bursts. Pangs of pain, fairly rarely, lots of anger, food, sometimes, sex, more often than I can cope with without blocking the bond altogether… I don’t know if they know what they’re sending, if they know what they’re putting me through, or if it’s just their barrier crashing down every now and again, and it’s….” She didn’t finish.

“Really frustrating?” Bernie offered with a smile, Charlotte rolling her eyes.

“What annoys me most is that I’m not even sure what I’m sending, when I’m sending it, how strongly… I don’t have any kind of feedback. I’m fairly sure they’ve had to handle some period pain and Dad’s questionable cooking skills, but past that…”

“Maybe…” Bernie started talking hesitantly, not wanting to drive her daughter away by giving her unsolicited advice.

“Yeah?” Charlotte was waiting, Bernie smiled and explained.

“Maybe keep an ear out for the anger, try and be there when you start to feel it recede, build something from there?” Charlotte pondered her words for a bit.

“That could take years.” Bernie nodded. “Then again if we’re going to be stuck together for the shortest of our lifetimes…”

Charlotte’s words reminded Bernie of old fears she had, of what she would leave behind for Serena if she died, and how she’d cope if her soulmate ever passed away.

“You’ll be alright, Mum. You’re together now.” Charlotte seemed to have understood where her mind had gone. Bernie shot her a tight smile before closing and taping the box they had been going through. Most of the boxes would go back to storage, some she’d want to get out, once she located the right ones. She would probably enlist Serena’s help, share memories even if she didn’t bring them home.

When had Serena’s home become her own? The moment she had stepped in, or long before that, through the years, little by little? They both took it for granted that Bernie would be with her, by her side, Bernie’s flat clearly not an option, but would it work in the long run?

She closed her eyes and opened them again quickly when she smelled detergent. She spared Serena the dust and got back on her feet. The flat looked a little more decent already, but certainly not lived in. It never had, not while Bernie had occupied it at least. She suspected it might get better with Charlotte, even if she only stayed a fortnight.

Her daughter calling her from the next room derailed her thoughts and she followed her voice to see her standing in front of the open wardrobe.

“You really need new clothes, Mum. Or, you know, maybe some diversity?” Charlotte looked at her with a cheeky smile. “I’d offer some help, but I think once Serena sees this she’ll want to take the matter into her own hands.” Bernie huffed, realising too late that Charlie had taken a picture and sent it to Serena.

Her own phone went off.

“Have you ever heard of the concept of fun? Or colour? -S”

“You’re both! -B”

“That won’t get you out of a shopping trip. -S”

“I can think of other ways to distract you. The kind that don’t necessitate clothes. -B”

“Still, the bedroom floor could use some colour on it. -S”

“Buy a rug? -B”

"You'll be sleeping on it at this rate. -S"

“I will if you’re with me! -B”

“That kind of defeats the purpose. -S”

“Well, a rug’s purpose isn’t to be a sleeping mat. -B”

“… -S”

“You, however, make a great pillow. -B”

“Don’t you have a flat to tidy? -S”

“Yes Ma’am! -B”

“We can settle this later. -S”

“Looking forward to it! -B”

When Bernie looked up from her phone she found her daughter looking at her judgmentally with her arms crossed.

“You started it!” Bernie pointed out, closing the wardrobe door to avoid any further comment. Given how much of it she’d been using, there’d be more than enough space for Charlotte’s things if she wanted.

With the bed remade, the washing machine on duty, and all medical journals packed away for Bernie to bring back to Serena’s, Charlotte found herself faced with her mother’s flat, that was even less like her mother than it had felt before, or at least not at all like the mother she knew.

The more she talked, talking more than they had in a long while, the more she realised how much of her she rarely revealed, how much of her she would discover through her relationship with Serena. They could rebuild something on that, with her mother rediscovering her through her training and how she faced the challenge the military presented her with.

Her mother came to stand beside her, giving the flat a once over. Good enough, she decided.

“Lunch?” Bernie offered. Charlotte nodded curtly and they exited the flat, Bernie rushing back in quickly to get her set of spare keys. She gave them to Charlotte somewhat solemnly, the laugh that followed resounding through the staircase.

The car ride back to Serena’s was a lot more relaxed. Charlotte was giving Bernie updates on things that had happened at home after she’d left, from petty squabbles between her and Cameron, to visiting relatives bitching their eyes out. She mentioned her father’s meagre attempts at relationships that led her, and Cameron, to overhear upsetting conversations that she was still digesting.

She didn’t elaborate on what those conversations had been about, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out that Bernie had to feature in them somewhat. No matter what, her affair remained an obstacle neither of them were ready to tackle just yet. It would take time, Bernie knew, but restoring her relationship with her daughter to that point meant a lot already.

 

  
They arrived to find Serena leafing through one of her cookbooks, deep in thought. Bernie had to repress the urge to say ‘Honey, I’m home’, but by the look on Serena’s face when their eyes met, she felt like she knew.

“How did it go?” She asked her question with a twinkle in her eye, making her way to Bernie slowly, leaving Charlotte to answer after realising that her mother was definitely not paying attention to anything but Serena by that point.

By the time Charlotte had found something to reply, she realised Serena wouldn’t really pay attention either, and decided to drop the subject. There was something about the two of them, the way they moved together, barely yet intricately, that she felt went way past their bond.

There was something else at play there, or maybe it was how long they had been connected. In a moment like this, there was no doubt they had been destined to meet, and despite standing some way away she felt like she was intruding.

Seeing her mother like this felt like discovering a new woman, free of a burden she hadn’t realised she had been carrying, someone who wouldn’t put any distance between them to shield her, and Cameron, from the pain she had seen and endured. It was a new start for her, and Charlotte wanted to be by her side for that, even if she was away, even if there was still something hanging in the air between them.

She closed her own eyes, holding her breath, trying to ready herself for whatever was coming. Fish and chips. Fair enough. Way too much vinegar though, but that’s the kind of point on which she’d agree to disagree. When she opened her eyes again Serena had let go, but even when standing apart there was that gentle spark that held them together.

How they had not realised straight away was beyond her, or maybe they were just letting it flow now that they knew. She knew, deep down, that she’d never experience it herself, and in that brief moment she envied them, but given all they had gone through to get there, she wasn’t sure she’d be strong enough.

Charlotte reached into her bag. She could feel the set of keys her mother had given her earlier, making her smile, letting her fingers dance over them for a second before she grasped the keys she had been looking for. She wouldn’t impose her presence any longer, she wasn’t sure she could bear being there any longer, either.

She shot her mother a conniving look, smiled at them both and let herself out, letting out a deep breath as she sat in her car. That was one page turned. She liked the beginning of that story already.

 

  
“We’ll be alright.” Bernie’s whispered words seemed to echo in the large room, but did nothing to appease the worry she saw in Serena’s eyes, and could feel when she closed hers.

“I was just thinking earlier…” Bernie held Serena a little closer, far enough to see her face, but close enough to feel the warmth of her body close to hers. “About us. We have to think ahead, we’re living on borrowed time already. We need to be more than one entity when we go back, we need to be able to be ourselves, without being short-circuited by our bond, because we’re the only ones who truly see the other when we get that close, it just… blurs for everyone else.” Even after the time Serena had had to think it over, the words didn’t come easily.

“I agree.” Bernie’s voice was soft, her smile reassuring, and she felt Serena melt a little in her arms. “We can’t afford to let others see how close we really are, save for a select few, like family, like we’ve been doing these past few days. This is… this was… us exploring, diving into it. We’ll have to find a whole other balance, but I think it’ll come naturally.” Bernie sounded surer than she felt, wondering how working beside her would work. Operating she knew would work, because they were used to isolating themselves, on the ward itself however…

“So you’re saying trust our instincts?”

“Yes.”

“To battle?”

“To battle.”

“Can battle wait until tomorrow though?” Serena’s side smile made Bernie grin.

“I think it can.”

“Good, I needed you to help me clean some of the windows.” Serena didn’t have that good a poker face, but she could see from the passing look of mock outrage that Bernie had taken a second to call her bluff. “Or we can brainstorm what to have for lunch.”

“I like that a little better.”

“Even if I put you in charge of lunch?”

“We can prepare it together?”

“We’ll get distracted.”

“Then we’ll have to find something either really quick, or that needs to simmer for a good while.”

“That doesn’t really narrow down the possibilities.”

“Well, it does narrow down the possibilities as far as distractions go.” Serena shook her head with a loving smile. Bernie had a point though, if they were going back to work the next day, they should at least enjoy the last of their freedom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, a short epilogue away from the end of this story that was never meant to grow this big. Sometimes, love cannot be contained!


	13. We'll see

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. The last chapter. The farewell. This chapter brought tears to my eyes, and not just because it was the last page of an adventure I hadn’t been ready for. If you have tissues nearby, you may want to make sure they’re a little bit closer, just in case.
> 
> Thanks everyone for reading, and for commenting, you made my day(s) and carried me through this story, it wouldn’t be what it is without you, or without DaisyDoctor13 who I blame for quite a lot of things (but if I start listing them this note will be longer than the epilogue itself!) Thank you!!!
> 
> Initially, this story was meant to be a one shot. Then a couple chapters at best. This is chapter 13. I think it’s a lucky number. It felt like it wanted to be written. It grew, consumed by the love within, leaving nothing but cuteness in its path, and if I’ve managed to make a couple people smile in the process, then it was all worth it!

Bernie and Serena woke up early the next day, their usual kind of early. They went through a routine they had already adapted, the timing leaving room for little else than a chaste kiss. The confidence and ease in their newfound habits made the prospect of facing the hoard of curious onlookers a little less dire.

The pent up energy coursing through their veins as they walked inside the hospital side by side seemed to change the mind of those who had previously been eager to take the lift. They found themselves alone, maintaining a safe distance after the short walk where their hands had kept brushing. Sharing a conniving look they stepped out, heading straight for Hanssen’s office. The door was open, it felt like an invitation. They stepped inside. This was a new roll of the dice. A l’avenir. A l’amour.

****

Elinor and Cameron were sitting in the sun right outside a cafe. Elinor had insisted they stayed outside despite the ridiculously low temperature. She wanted to share the breeze, share the chill, felt like all she had from her soulmate was suffocatingly hot, wanted to give them some relief if she could.

She was quizzing Cam about Morven, teasing him gently, realising at every word that he had no intention of trying anything. Morven trusted him, talked more freely than with those who had known her before, before Arthur, and before his death. He had only ever known this Morven, the lone one, and she liked that about him. Where this was going didn’t matter, he enjoyed what they had, and that was enough for him.

Elinor interrupted her stream of questions to bite in her muffin. She closed her eyes before she even thought about it, savouring it with a smile on her face, letting the cold get to her a little bit more.

She let herself sink in the feeling and felt as if she could almost reach an outstretched hand. She wasn’t sure whether it was an invitation or a cry for help. There were tears on her face as she opened her eyes again to face Cameron. She couldn’t reply when he asked if they were good or bad tears.

 

A long way away, deep underground, a young man smiled despite the pain. Bent over, he leaned against the wall of the tunnel for support.

His last meal had been the previous evening, the usual serving of goat meat that had that sweet edge to it that never quite dulled the hunger. The mouthful of muffin he had just tasted, while unknown to him, was a gift to be cherished, and had come with the long-awaited relief of a wind he himself didn’t get to enjoy until he was out of the mine. He stood tall again, balancing himself on his broken foot as he dodged the speeding cart heading downward.

He didn’t know who his soulmate was. For him, it had to be a woman. He thought of her as delicate, fragile, and lost, sometimes, too. He wanted to protect her, guide her, but she was the one taking care of him instead. No one could know.

Still, however little future he had left, he would make sure never to be a burden to her. He was still strong, made stronger still by the pain. He was a man going to war, a war against walls of rocks never defeated.

If only he could send her this too, one of those little stones, that were so precious to those who knew how to cut them. He didn’t, he just extracted them, never saw the appeal as anything but gifts he could never afford.

He wondered if he’d ever know her name, if she’d ever know his. He hoped she’d be alright once he was gone, hoped she’d find a good man, a better man than him.

He saw a couple men bring up the body of a small child. He was old enough to have been his father, hoped he wouldn’t hear his mother’s wails.

His supervisor yelled at him to keep going. It felt like the whole world wanted him to keep going. He ignored the pain in his shoulder as he took up the shovel again. He could feel her there, still. No one saw the tears roll down his cheeks as he felt the wind wrap itself around his head, like she was spinning around, playing with it like one would play with a small child.

Maybe she’d have a child, someday. Maybe it would live. In that moment he realised, she had enough of a future for two.

 

 

A couple weeks later, as Charlotte entered the room she would be sharing for the length of her training, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. As she was starting to concentrate on the smell, she felt a wave of it, incredibly powerful, so powerful it choked her. She turned around, her heart missing a beat when her eyes met even darker ones, surrounded by stern features, and a stiff posture.

“Andrea. Andy.” She extended her hand, her handshake firm, Charlotte matching her strength as solemnly as she could.

“Charlotte. Charlie.” She held her gaze. She hadn’t seen the hint of a smile on her soulmate’s lips or in her eyes. She wasn’t sure she had smiled either.

Their dorm mates selected their own beds, leaving them side by side on the far end of the room. Andy claimed the bed closest to the wall. Charlotte dropped her bag on the remaining one. Looking in her eyes, Charlotte saw all the things she had felt, and a strength she hoped to be able to match.

They started filling their lockers, shoulder to shoulder. She saw Andy close her eyes and did the same. It was a peace offering. Or she thought that’s what it was. There was no anger there, at least. It was neutral, a maybe, a ‘we’ll see’. They had a future to build. Whether they built it together or apart was for them to decide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *gentle pterodactyl dive into the void*


End file.
